- Raymi: Man, do you know where you are? You're at Brandel. Ain't you heard what they said about this place? Garbage NEVER leaves the dump.
- Rick Latimer: [to a student] Linda, I want you wearing a bra to class. It's not going to change your grade.
- Police Officer: [processing Latimer for attacking Kim's divorce attorney] Occupation?
- Rick Latimer: [sarcastic grin] School teacher!
- Rick Latimer: I'll be here tomorrow.
- Jake Phillips: I'll be here too.
- Rick Latimer: We are very stupid men.
- Jake Phillips: Yeah, I know. But what can you do?
- [Latimer has the upper-hand in a scuffle with Duncan]
- Victor Duncan: Please! No more!
- Rick Latimer: You got that right!
- [Latimer throws Duncan out of the school via a double-door]
- Rick Latimer: [shouts] No more!
- Rick Latimer: [in the teachers' lounge, which is full even though classes are supposed to be in session] I want a full-school assembly during sixth period, TODAY.
- 1st Teacher: Are you MAD? Do you know what could happen?
- 2nd Teacher: Why are you doing this?
- Rick Latimer: I like the attention.
- Jake Phillips: ["Screwdriver" Phillips barges into the office of a napping "Rikki-Tikki-Tavi" Latimer] You're ever-vigilant, I see.
- Rick Latimer: Where I come from, we knock.
- Jake Phillips: Where *I* come from, we pick locks. With your permission, I'll replace your old rusty one with a new deadbolt. The kind only .357 Magnums can open up.
- Rick Latimer: Thanks, Jake. That's real encouraging. I feel much better now.
- Jake Phillips: Do you mind if I ask you a question I ask all imported principals?
- [without waiting for an answer]
- Jake Phillips: What is a fine, white-bread boy like you doing in a place like this?
- Rick Latimer: Keeping my warm ass planted in this chair.
- Jake Phillips: [indicates the "Classified Ads" which Latimer has been going through] 'Til something better comes along, right? I don't know why I thought it should've been any different.
- Victor Duncan: If you're trying to reach me, I'll just cut your hand off.
- Rick Latimer: I've got another one.
- Victor Duncan: Why don't you do yourself a favor and go back to your white-bread, suburban, cesspool land while you still have a chance?
- Rick Latimer: I can't.
- Rick Latimer: [awaiting Victor Duncan] We'll give him another minute. And then we'll go home.
- Jake Phillips: [after only a few seconds] Okay, time's up.
- [addressing teachers]
- Rick Latimer: Lighten up! Have some courage! Brave it through a little bit! Look stonefaced! Knives only hurt if they go through you. Urine only smells if you don't clean it up. Come on!
- Rick Latimer: [dealing with a couple of troublemakers in his new office, both of whom keep insulting - and trying to injure - each other in front of him] Like I said, we got all day.
- Robert Darcy: [enters nervously] I was hoping to speak to you before this...
- Rick Latimer: This wonderful welcoming party? Why don't we start my first day off with some expulsion papers for Mr. Shit and Mr. Fuck here? And call the police.
- [to Jake Phillips who has just popped in]
- Rick Latimer: Hi. Rick Latimer. I'm the new principal.
- Jake Phillips: No kidding.
- [moves on]
- Robert Darcy: [to Latimer] Did you get a look at the neighborhood coming into this place? Brandel High isn't exactly the highest priority for the police around here.
- Rick Latimer: These guys are trying to cut each other's nuts off!
- Robert Darcy: The cops would only ask why you stopped them! As far as expulsion goes, most of the students here have already been expelled from someplace else!
- Rick Latimer: [in his office] Okay, what's your name?
- White Zac: Just call me White Zac. My real last name's O'Something-Or-Other. Too long to say.
- Rick Latimer: Sweet. Well, Mr. O'Something-Or-Other, can you tell me what class *this* is for?
- [holds up a switchblade taken from Zac]
- White Zac: Any class Victor Duncan tries to kill me in.
- Kimberly: A minute is all it takes for you to do insurmountable amounts of damage, Rick. I've put up with all the frat-brat, Peter-Pan bullshit I can take!
- Rick Latimer: That's your therapist talking, not you.
- Kimberly: At least SOMEBODY was talking! YOU weren't! *I* tried to make things work, Rick. *I* didn't run out and get plastered every time we had a problem. I didn't quit on us, *you* did! You let it go, the way you let EVERYTHING go! Three jobs you blew! Then your father got you in at Willoughby College, and you blew that too!
- Rick Latimer: That's not *all* my fault! *You* had to show up in that bar with that guy!
- Kimberly: Rick, grow up.
- Rick Latimer: I'm trying. I'm running a high school now. I'm in charge of it. I'm the principal.
- Kimberly: I heard. At *Brandel.* That doesn't count as a school.
- Rick Latimer: Now, what is THAT supposed to mean?
- [she drives off without answering]
- Rick Latimer: All right, look, I want every assistant from the athletic department, I want every class schedule, and I want every student's attendance record in my office, right now.
- Robert Darcy: Right now?
- Rick Latimer: No. Surprise me on my birthday.