Firehouse

Perhaps I don't have enough exposure to the "adult comedy" genre to have an informed opinion, but if the rest of the genre justifies the absolutely abysmal quality of this piece of drivel, I'll stand by the age-old maxim of blissful ignorance. Even the sexual scenes - which, judging by the cover art, were expected to sell the film - are atrociously acted and boringly unfunny groaners. I never thought I'd say this, but: Firehouse is a travesty and a smear on the legacy of the Police Academy series.

My review was written in July 1987 after watching the film on Academy video cassette.

"Firehouse", a feature film being released domestically on video cassette, is a throwback to the scores of exploitation film that flourished in the early 1970s for the drive-in market, featuring three young, beautiful women in various professions (e.g., stewardesses, models, nurses, cops). Television shows like "Charlie's Angels" co-opted the format.

Gianna Rains, Martha Peterson and Renee Raiford are the lovelies in question, first female firefighters assigned to Hose One, a fire station that has been criticized for insensitivity to community problems. Warren Frump (Henry David Keller) is a political candidate whose secret agenda for revitalizing the city is to remove the city's Northend slum area by arson, to make way for a development project involving condominiums. The gals save the day and Frump (rhyme with ...) is arrested.

Shot-in-New Jersey pic is strong on topless scenes and unsuccessful in generating laughs despite its obvious intent to join the parade of "Police Academy" imitations. Tech credits are fine.

Cassette packaging erroneously credits the cast members with their characters' names, rather than professional monikers.

This picture was released in 1987 starring Gianna Ranaudo as Barrett Hopkins, Martha Peterson as Shannon Murphy and Renee Riaford as Violet Brown. Barrett, Martha and Violet all graduate from the fire academy and are now looking to move on with there careers as fire fighters. However, there's one big problem! First, the girls are assigned to a firehouse that the city is looking to close because of the neighborhood and the lack of funds. Second the fire fighters that are already there are not interested in having three female fire fighters. Three thing, is that someone or a group of someone's is going around the neighborhood setting ***** and no one knows who it is. This movie was bad right from the beginning and I loss interest about 15 minutes into it. Therefore, I give this picture 2 weasel stars and that's being nice.

Did they really make sex comedies in the late 1980s? This film has sex, mild, titillating stuff, but comedy? Actually it is so bad it's classic. It remains to be seen if the people who threw it together intended everything in it to be so, but it succeeds. Exaggerated stereotypes, clichés galore including even the name of the fire crew, it has it all. The story, such as it is, is that in the age of sexual equality, the fire department is recruiting females, who might not have as much muscle as their male counterparts, but they surely can't have less brains.

The villain of the piece is an evil businessman whose name might just have tempted Donald Trump to sue for defamation, but everything else in this film is likewise so over the top that no one would have taken him seriously if he had.

Naturally the girls figure out what is going on, and eventually the guys come good too, and even the street hoods aren't so bad in the end. Of course, if all capitalists were this evil, nothing worthwhile would ever get financed, including films, those that are worthwhile and those that are not.

An arsonist is hitting a derelict area in the north end and Fire Company 1 has the worst record in the city. The mayor opens up the recruiting process and hires three female rookies. Barrett Hopkins comes from privilege. Snotty Dickson Willoughby works secretly to make her fail and marry into her family. Shannon Murphy wants to go into her Irish family firefighting traditions. Violet Brown is a street tough Latina. Dickson works for land developer Warren Frump who wants to redevelop the north end after burning it down.

This is a bad movie. The broad slapstick is badly done. The actors are mostly weak amateurs with a couple of more experienced and skilled people. There are plenty of boobs on display. If female nudity is not your thing, there is something else interesting. Young Julia Roberts has a very small role in one of her first appearances. It's a fun game to find Julia. I wouldn't be looking without IMDb. Overall, the movie is nearly unwatchable all the way to the finish.