Firehouse

Perhaps I don't have enough exposure to the "adult comedy" genre to have an informed opinion, but if the rest of the genre justifies the absolutely abysmal quality of this piece of drivel, I'll stand by the age-old maxim of blissful ignorance. Even the sexual scenes - which, judging by the cover art, were expected to sell the film - are atrociously acted and boringly unfunny groaners. I never thought I'd say this, but: Firehouse is a travesty and a smear on the legacy of the Police Academy series.

I like trashy/crappy films. I like those moronic 80's sex comedies that used to be on Skinemax and Up All Night. I like garbage films all around! HOWEVER...

This is so bad, I am actually p*ssed off at myself for watching this. Sure it had its abundance of boobs, but it lacked any sort of cohesion. The fake Irish & British accents were insulting to anyone's ears, let alone the acting was beyond wooden... it was petrified! Just imagine, a movie full of supposed humor that is the equivalent to a 'knock-knock' joke... but just imagine someone telling a 'knock-knock' joke without actually saying 'knock-knock'! It was edited so poorly, that I think whole sentences were left out or something because the scenarios didn't even make sense. The characters are nothing anyone could possibly identify with, and not one of them were likable. In order for a movie like this to remotely hold one's interest, there has to be at least 1 character that you actually like, or at least one character that is funny... and this film contained neither. All the characters were such creeps that you couldn't even laugh at their lowlife-factor. I'll put it this way, "Troll 2" has more cohesion and better acting than this (and I am NOT kidding!)

This picture was released in 1987 starring Gianna Ranaudo as Barrett Hopkins, Martha Peterson as Shannon Murphy and Renee Riaford as Violet Brown. Barrett, Martha and Violet all graduate from the fire academy and are now looking to move on with there careers as fire fighters. However, there's one big problem! First, the girls are assigned to a firehouse that the city is looking to close because of the neighborhood and the lack of funds. Second the fire fighters that are already there are not interested in having three female fire fighters. Three thing, is that someone or a group of someone's is going around the neighborhood setting ***** and no one knows who it is. This movie was bad right from the beginning and I loss interest about 15 minutes into it. Therefore, I give this picture 2 weasel stars and that's being nice.

My review was written in July 1987 after watching the film on Academy video cassette.

"Firehouse", a feature film being released domestically on video cassette, is a throwback to the scores of exploitation film that flourished in the early 1970s for the drive-in market, featuring three young, beautiful women in various professions (e.g., stewardesses, models, nurses, cops). Television shows like "Charlie's Angels" co-opted the format.

Gianna Rains, Martha Peterson and Renee Raiford are the lovelies in question, first female firefighters assigned to Hose One, a fire station that has been criticized for insensitivity to community problems. Warren Frump (Henry David Keller) is a political candidate whose secret agenda for revitalizing the city is to remove the city's Northend slum area by arson, to make way for a development project involving condominiums. The gals save the day and Frump (rhyme with ...) is arrested.

Shot-in-New Jersey pic is strong on topless scenes and unsuccessful in generating laughs despite its obvious intent to join the parade of "Police Academy" imitations. Tech credits are fine.

Cassette packaging erroneously credits the cast members with their characters' names, rather than professional monikers.

Did they really make sex comedies in the late 1980s? This film has sex, mild, titillating stuff, but comedy? Actually it is so bad it's classic. It remains to be seen if the people who threw it together intended everything in it to be so, but it succeeds. Exaggerated stereotypes, clichés galore including even the name of the fire crew, it has it all. The story, such as it is, is that in the age of sexual equality, the fire department is recruiting females, who might not have as much muscle as their male counterparts, but they surely can't have less brains.

The villain of the piece is an evil businessman whose name might just have tempted Donald Trump to sue for defamation, but everything else in this film is likewise so over the top that no one would have taken him seriously if he had.

Naturally the girls figure out what is going on, and eventually the guys come good too, and even the street hoods aren't so bad in the end. Of course, if all capitalists were this evil, nothing worthwhile would ever get financed, including films, those that are worthwhile and those that are not.