Alien Private Eye

I had a passing social acquaintance in the mid 90s with director Vik Rubenfeld and although we really didn't interact, from what I saw he did seem to want to help out up and coming writers.

So when I saw his name attached Alien Private Eye on the Vinegar Syndrome release, I knew I had to check it out.

Wow, it's bad.

Really bad.

It's almost "The Room" bad.

The plot is indescribably nonsensical and the acting is completely over the top bad.

I mean I have no idea why John Alexander does a Peter Lorre impression throughout the entire movie but since pretty much everyone else is completely over the top here, you just shrug your shoulders and say, "Eh, why not?"

The plot involves a criminal gang that manages to get their hands on an alien device that makes a super addictive version of crack.

Enter alien visitor (you can tell he's an alien by his pointed ears, which are concealed by his hilariously 1980s Pimp hat) Lemro who's vacationing on Earth, near Hollywood and is for some reason, working as a Private Detective.

He gets smitten with Earth girl Rene and gets pulled into the drug gangs antics when Rene's brother Rob (Played by Nur Nur Cummings. Really, that's his listed name) gets hooked on the alien drug called Soma against his will.

Lemro gets involved because of Rene and winds up with half the device and the gang hot on their tail.

That's the basic plot and if that doesn't do it for you, well there's plenty of bad over the top acting, bad martial arts battles, an obligatory car chase, bad wooden acting by the two female leads, some sex and nudity, a bad synthesizer music score, Costumes that showcase the worst of the 1980s fashion, and static cinematography.

I see Vik later created the CBS network drama Early Edition so I guess he didn't go full blown Tommy Wiseau.

I'm just not sure what he was thinking when he made this film.

Alien private eye is so hilarious you will not believe your eyes and ears. This movie is a perfect 80's time capsule,it has everything,from bad clothes to hideous decoration. The plot(if it has one) is simple:a guy who looks like a pimp but it's a p.i from another planet (with pointed ears and stuff) helps a girl who has to find a disk that contains a powerful drug ???? The rest is simply amazing:kung fu fights,macho showing off,soft core,"noir" style scenes,posing,some special effects and surrealistically bad dialog.That's it! It is strongly recommended to MST3K fans and fans of bad cinema in particular.It is so charming that you will love every minute of it.That's its only redeeming point:it is a entertaining movie, always moving on. And that's a thing you can't say of the last Spielberg movies,by the way...

I stumbled upon the 1989 action sci-fi movie "Alien Private Eye" in 2022. Had I ever heard about this movie? Nope, not even a single word. I liked the campy late-1980s feel from the movie's cover, so of course I opted to sit down and watch what Vik Rubenfeld had to offer with this movie.

Needless to say that I wasn't really expecting a whole lot here, to be bluntly honest. But still, with it being a movie that I hadn't already seen, of course it got a fair chance.

I managed to get through half of the 95 minutes that the movie ran for, then I just had more than my share of lousy acting performances, incoherent storyline, cheesy 1980s outfits, big hair and horrible dialogue. This movie was every bit as bad and cheesy as I had expected, and then some.

This is not a movie that I have any intention of returning to finish watching, because the storyline just entirely fell short of providing me with any sense of entertainment or enjoyment. And the sluggish and amateurish acting performances just did absolutely nothing to take away focus from the lack of a proper storyline or narrative.

No familiar faces on the cast list, so not even there could the movie manage to score some much needed points.

Sometimes you just wonder why no one ever puts a foot down and asks people to stop and have a look at what they are about to unleash upon the world. And "Alien Private Eye" was one such moment. This movie was really not worth the effort in any way.

My rating of Vik Rubenfeld's 1989 movie "Alien Private Eye" lands on a very generous two out of ten stars.

A gang of thugs threaten a lady when a dude looking like a Michael Jackson impersonator complete with black fedora hat comes to her rescue. What does a hero do now? You start dancing, call up a random friend and gloat about the hot lady you've meet and then hit a club with her. When a bare bones aliens subplot emerges and the bad acting, action continues it quickly dawns on you 'Alien Private Eye' is bananas and not in a fun way.

Lemro (Nicholas Hill) saves Suzy (Judith Burke) twice within the same day, the two become involved and he reveals he's an alien. It turns out a gang is trying to track down a powerful disc that is the key to a highly addictive otherworldly drug and Suzy has the second piece. Now Lemro the private eye is thrust into a battle of good vs evil versus this gang. Coming face to face with it's leader Killgore (Cliff Aduddell) who'll let no one stand in his way of power & wealth.

I appreciate a good b-movie and sometimes a bad movie can be a barrel of laughs, but it's a fine line. Especially if friends or alcohol is not involved. 'Alien Private Eye' is the type of trip I don't enjoy, usually seek out. I cracked a smile once or twice at it's absurd elements - wait until the hero wields a laser gun mounted to his arm near the end - but I can't in good conscious recommend it.

A pointy-eared alien working on Earth as a gumshoe becomes involved in a bloody street war over a mysterious extraterrestrial disc. To save the Earth and the Earth girl he loves, he must thwart the sinister plans of a cabalistic militia led by a sadistic psychopath, and junkies strung-out on a narcotic imported from another world.

Imagine yourself walking barefoot down a road strewn with thumb-tacks, your mouth filled with bullet ants, and clothespins on your nipples. That's how I'd best describe the searing agony and algolagnic ecstasy of watching ALIEN PRIVATE EYE, a movie so exotically awful that you might opt for a "safe word" your first time seeing it. It's the perfect storm...the most unendurably bad actors in the history of stage and screen, editing presumably performed with a Slap-Chop gadget, clichéd film noir trappings, pitiable action scene choreography, and a leading man dressed like 80s-era EL DEBARGE. Seriously...you never had it so good.

Only a massive stroke could inhibit a wide-grinned reaction to the unpremeditated hilarity of this steamrolling ne-plus-ultra...another fine product from RAE DON VIDEO.