The Transformers: The Movie

The Transformers, the animated cartoon from the 1980's, was a typical cartoon: cheesy and childish, things we would not recognize until we were grown. But when Transformers: The Movie was released in 1986, when I was 11, the movie scared the hell out of me. But so did Superman and Star Wars, which was exactly its intention.

As when Batman came to the big screen in 1989, the filmmakers took something old and made it new again. In the case of the Transformers, the movie was dark, loud, and very adult considering the fact that it springs from what was another silly fad the children of the 80's latched onto.

I don't know how people older and younger than I will perceive it, but the film is Shakespearean in its beauty. The 1980's soundtrack works surprisingly well, even now, unlike other 80's attempts, like, say Heavy Metal.

The movie picks up in 2005, or about 20 years after the cartoon supposedly took place. Young Spike is now older and has a child of his own, and all the Autobots and Decepticons are back, with some new faces. In the opening moments, Unicron (Orson Welles), destroyer of worlds, eats a planet of peace-loving people (supposdely robots, but still eerily reminiscent of our Earth populi), killing millions. Decepticons don't just plot against the Autobots-- they murder them in cold blood (er, oil?)

This is the equivalent of the X-Files movie getting made, and Cigarette Smoking Man getting to use dirty words. It is a true expansion to the big screen, an intelligent version of the TV show, made not to pander to their audience, but to elevate it.

This movie is impossible to find in the States, but if you ever watched the TV show, it will bring you to a new level. If you've never heard of the TV show... it's still a great Anime-yarn, and a helluva lot better than that X-Files flick.

It was 1984. I was a young lad of 8. Transformers had long been my favorite afternoon cartoon, then I went and seen the movie. Itwas friggan great. It was actually the first movie I can recall that I got to experience an on screen death of a character that I cared about. I remember almost shedding a tear at the death scene of Optimist prime, then the nail in the coffin. I heard one of the characters (brain fart, cant remember name.) say "Dammit". A tame word by todays standard, but enough back then to get a PG rating, and for a character in a cartoon that I had only known as squeaky clean to swear, made them seem more human to me than ever. great movie, the animation is dated, and the plot is alittle shaky by todays standard, but for its time, it was the most amazing thing American kids had ever seen.

In 2005, years after series 2, the Decepticons rule Cybertron. The Autobots are limited to bases on Cybertron's moons and Autobot City on Earth. Optimus Prime is planning a massive assault on Cybertron, but Megatron has similar ideas, and launches an attack on Autobot City, nearly decimating the entire Autbot force before retreating. Of course, this being a movie, things get complicated: Unicron, the devourer of worlds turns up, and is heading for Cybertron. Now the Autobots have to reclaim a relic from the Decepticons while defending Cybertron from a giant transforming planet that eats other planets.

Simple, no? Couldn't follow that? Stop reading now, this movie is only for fans.

Essentially, this a feature-length toy commercial. The story is cool. After all, its about giant robots that transform into cars. Awesome. The movie just follows these robots along as they spend most of the 84-minutes fighting. All the new characters are introduced by having an established character say to the new character "Hey! (new guy) Blow up that thing!" or, "Hey! (new guy), attack those bad guys!". Awesome. I love movies where fights aren't disrupted by petty things such as plot details or character introductions, it makes things much more fun.

The animation is generally better than it was in the TV series. Add to that an 80s soundtrack, consisting of only 80s pop and hair-metal. Awesome. Of course, not everyone is going to like the soundtrack. In fact, I'm willing the bet that a majority of people would loathe the soundtrack, but that is not important, because the soundtrack is awesome. Plus there are some really cool quotes. Yay.

9/10 - Only for fans (of either Transformers or 80s music)

As a kid in the 80s this was probably the coolest and most awesome movie ever. As an adult in 2023 with few previous experiences with the Transformers franchise this movie is just campy 80s action, and it is a blast. This movie is like 80 minutes long, and at least 60 of those minutes are giant robots fighting in space and you can only go so wrong with that. The voice acting is over the top in the best way, and there's a lot of talent including Casey Kasem, Frank Weller, Scattman Cruthers, and Orson Welles. Having no knowledge of Transformers, I didn't know any of the characters names except for Optimus, Megatron, and Starscream for some reason and I didn't know or care what the story was because I was just having a ton of fun. Also the soundtrack is awesome, filled with sick 80s songs and badass instrumentals. Both times The Touch came on I was grinning ear to ear, easily one of the most underrated movie songs ever.

I'm biased. There's no two ways about it. They could have gotten two six years olds to draw the cels, a troop of monkeys to write the dialogue and then printed the film upside down and full of static and I'd still have loved it (if anybody out there says 'Didn't they do that anyway?', I'll thump them.) I am one of a dying but suprisingly populous breed: the Tranformers fan, and to me this film is like the Holy grail.

If you think I'm going to get all gooey and teary-eyed then go into nostalgia overload then forget it because I'm not. I say this with a straight face and a critic's eyes: this is a good film. It may be a two hour toy commercial. It may have made zip at the box offce. It may get bad press from idiotic fossils that just aren't prepared to make the effort to tap into the universe the film is set in. But the fact remains that to anybody that's grown up with Transformers, this film is marvelous. Why? Because it does it right! The characters act right. The style is right. It's all done so perfectly that no right minded Transfan could possibly complain. How many Batman fans (and I mean real Batman fans) can honestly say the same thing about their film franchise.

It's easy to get preachy about the violence in a film aimed at kids. It gives the moral majority something to do other than examine each Disney film for subliminal messages. I found it refreshing to actually see this kind of film refuse to pull its punches. It's an action film without tapping into the over-sentimental gushy stuff that usually turns kids off anyway. This is a war. Death and violence are part of it. Will it effect the children that watch it. Maybe, but I don't know which way. I saw first saw the film when I was 7. I saw all of my favourites get blown apart. I saw my absolute, total, complete and utter hero, the person that personified all that was good and noble to me (you know who I mean) get killed saving his friends in an ultimate display of bravery and courage. I cried. My mum cried. I still do. I think that one moment made me more afraid and ashamed of death and destruction than a dozen Private Ryans.

The animation is top notch, there's an amazing soundtrack and the voice talent is good too. Not perfect, but Nimoy's portrayal of Galvatron is incredible. Espicially when you consider that it was probably done as a 'For the money not the art' job. The script isn't bad either. It has a host of sharp, quotable one-liners that would put Bruce Willis to shame ("I've got better things to do tonight than die.") The story is a rip off of Star Wars but what isn't and who cares? It's cool. The animation is superb. I said that earlier but I really do believe that it's better than Disney at some points. Certainly better than the average output at the time. It doesn't compare with today's graphics but it hasn't aged badly at all. The sountrack can sound a little too cheesy at times but the energy and verve of the film is there and it backs up the visuals with ease.

In the end it won't matter. This film won't mean a thing to anybody that doesn't know who Jazz, Bumblebee and Soundwave were to begin with. They won't watch it. They won't like it. And you know what? We don't care. Those of us that can name all five mebers of the Stunticons know better. They gave us what we wanted. And we remain eternally grateful.