Ryder P.I.

Ironically, starring comic David Hawthorne, the sleepy-eyed "moron" who, a decade later, as a restaurant bartender, served a heartbroken Jack Nicholson a glass of "the last free drug" in AS GOOD AS IT GETS... he throws in a Jack imitation along with a bagful of quick quips and a thin plot-line for RYDER P. I., a Humphrey Bogart Era Film Noir parody that, surprisingly, keeps up the entertainment value alongside the feeling of, "How much worse can this get?"

Hawthorne is comfortable in front of the camera despite being uncomfortable to look at - but that seems an intentional thread of the overall punchline: he's the antithesis of any sort of leading man on-screen persona. So some local help was obviously needed...

At that time, in 1986, Howard Stern was climbing as a New York morning radio talkshow host. Random scenes as a television newscaster aren't that funny because Howard's not doing his own thing, or poking fun at his crew. And yet the aggression and annoyance does feel genuine: his character, Ben Wah, can't stand the network he's on, and obviously Stern felt the same about this project. And he's not alone. Not completely...

His writer, Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling, provides the voice of a "Fat Eddie" doll that, when Hawthorne's P. I. character, Skylar Ryder, pulls a string, it unloads insults, each ending with Martling's chortle that'd soon become famous within the Stern universe...

But what makes RYDER easy viewing on the eye is b-starlet Frances Raines, who isn't blood related-to but is technically a relative of THE INVISIBLE MAN Claude Raines. Her vulnerable, girl-next-door beauty, seeking the titular snoop for protection from a woodwork of goons, makes this trainwreck worth watching. Plus, she appears during the midway point when desperately needed...

The worst of the cast is Ryder's hairbrained partner, overacting "the retard" to the hilt and almost forcing the viewer to either change the channel or destroy their television...

For those brave or patient enough, or in this case, who pay by the month, Amazon Prime members can stream this extremely low budget comedy. And for fans of the classic era Howard Stern it's a rare gem to behold, or rather, to survive: There's a feeling of bizarre accomplishment lasting through these kind of movies that aren't really movies...

Added to that, RYDER doesn't have a cult following to join the ranks of worthy Camp Schlock unlike a couple others we'll review in the future starring Frances Raines... Stay tuned.

My review was written in April 1986 after a screening on Manhattan's UES.

Though closely resembling a backyard, homemade film in structure and technique, "Ryder, P. I." is an amusing little feature made in Port Washington, N. Y. Fans willing to take a goof on a low-budget pic will enjoy it.

Dave Hawthorne (who co-wrote the screenplay) toplines as a pudgy private eye named Sky Ryde, who is given to halting the story in order to essay his okay impression of Jack Nicholson and other celebrities. He is teamed, in Bowery Boys fashion, with nerd assistant Eppie (Bob Nelson), whose idea of getting a license plate number is to unscrew the plate and bring it to Ryder.

The duo is on a case railing a woman for her husband (actually watching the wrong lady for a whole year) when they save a lovely young woman Valerie (Frances Raines) who is being assaulted by three bikers. Ryder takes her under his wing, romance blossoms and he succeeds in saving her from a group of South American drug smugglers out to get her inherited land holdings south of the border. The bikers turn out to be undercover federal drug enforcement agents.

Loaded with silly shtick and a sense of humor drawing upon tv culture, "Ryder" has its share of funny gags. Bes sequence is a throwback to the 1960s, a lyrical interlude of the three leads romping at the beach and a miniature golf course.

Hawthorne holds the film together in a warm performance while sidekick Nelson overdoes his scatterbrained routine, using a voice similar to Frank Fontaine's Crazy Guggenheim impression. Raines is a fresh new face as the vulnerable heroine in one of her best showcases yet (after roles in "Model Behavior", "Disconnected" and other East Coast B-pictures.

Among numerous comedians in small roles, radio personality Howard Stern is unimpressive as a goofy tv anchorman named Ben Wah and Chuck Rader's carbon of Dirty Harry is subpar.

Picture was lensed on videotape with a Betacam system. Its transfer to 35mm film for theatrical release is adequate, though blurring (especially of street signs and other written material) is evident in longshots and some panning shots.

I read the only review for this movie and it sounded like this was one of the all time movie greats. I don't know what kind of comedy other people enjoy but the key word here is "comedy". There was none! Even with a cast of unknowns you'd think you'd get a chuckle from someone, even if it was the monkey. But I never laughed once during the entire movie....heck, I never even smiled! The acting was forced and fake and the "jokes" were painful. The lead actor even got caught looking at the camera in one scene. I don't recall a movie that I've ever seen that I would say was worse than this. And folks, I've seen "The Postman"! The ONLY reason to even keep this DVD is to watch the Howard Stern out-takes which were funny. Buy it? No. Rent it? No. Borrow it for the out-takes and don't even bother playing the movie. Can you give less than a zero? If not then score this one a ZERO!

I legitimately enjoyed this flick. It's so ridiculous that it's funny. The lead female is gorgeous; there's no way she'd fall for the lead detective character in real life unless he was rich. He looks like he's about two cigarettes away from a stroke. Ryder spends his days drinking, smoking cigarettes and riding around in his car. The one piece of detective work he dors is outrageously inept. This script seems like it was written by a room full of monkeys chained to typewriters. Yet, it's strangely appealing. I loved the half-baked celebrity impressions. Like the Dirty Harry looking cop who keeps pointing his 44 magnum at everyone. The Howard Stern anchorman character is great too. Why would they continue to put him on the air? Check this one out if you appreciate a little nonsense now and then.

With dozens of NY comedians in nearly every role (including Howard Sterns screen debut) the detective spoof is merely a format for a never ending zanyness unseen on screen since Abbott & Costello or Seinfeld - where every single character that appears is in some way totally nuts. Even Zippy the chimp jumps in the window. You really come to like the two stars Dave Hawthorne and Bob Nelson who hold this roller coaster together like all the great comedy teams of the golden age of Hollywood. Why this film is such a secret is beyond me. Includes Stern outtakes.