Ren zhe da

A rather extreme example of screw loose Chinese film-making from the 1980's. An era where HK and Taiwanese films were fast-paced, illogical exercises in frenetic film making, this one really takes the cake and sits on it.

The plot is threadbare and indecipherable at the same time. The scenes unfurl to strike the film makers fancy not to move the story along. It's really clear that the people who made this didn't care if the legendary spider boats obviously don't work or that the film is set in some sort of time warp between the 1920's or the 1980's. The American monks seem to be parodies of the Hare Krishnas that used to plague the airports and the Black Monk of Harlem is inspired by "The Last Dragon" but everything else seems to set in old China. The digging ninjas are first shown struggling with their small shovels, then suddenly they are drilling thru the ground at 50 miles per hour. The producers of the film didn't take this seriously and neither should the viewer.

The unusual nude fight scene is the first example I've seen of Taiwanese film nude kung fu that I had heard about from a friend who lived in Taiwan in the late 1980's. He had collected a number of these films which were subsequently confiscated by HK customs when he came back. Apparently these scenes were the rage for a small time in Taiwan. My friend had actually acted in one film (as a stock white bad guy) where he had to fight a heroine who practiced "Iron Chest". You can guess how that was used. The scene in this film is more of a shock then good. Most of the nude part of the fight involves the actress being flung around while she tries to cover herself with a sheet. She finally starts to fight back but the choreography seems to have been designed to cause the most amount of jiggle instead of an effective fight scene. And the jiggle isn't that good either. Eventually the actress must have said "enough" and she is suddenly clothed in a two piece bikini she somehow creates from the single sheet. The next scene she is in, she is killed off. They probably couldn't afford her anymore.

Good for a laugh with a group of friends, that's it. Except for the nude fight even my wife enjoyed the film and she doesn't like kung fu films.

I've seen the drastically cut version of this movie (I don't know if the full version is available) and it's pretty much an incoherent mess. The plot involves an evil group of ninjas with a grudge against Shaolin Temple, and a Japanese kung fu disciple (with the extremely Japanese name of Wang Chi Chun or some such) who comes to their aid. Basically the whole mess is pretty uninspired fu battles and hijinks. The hero has absolutely no character at all. However the movie has three things going for it, in descending order of interest. 1) Gay Western Hare Krishnas wanna-bes looking to gain kung fu enlightenment at Shaolin 2) The Black Monk of Harlem, a buddy of the Shaolin Abbot, who does some serious butt-kicking, and speaks in a HK film dubber's approximation of 1970's jive that is unintentionally hilarious 3) The Ninja Water Spider Attack Team. One of the greatest things I've ever seen in a fu movie. Basically big spider floats that the ninjas paddle around on like 4-yr-olds in a kiddy pool, and occasionally fly.

Worth a viewing for the Black Monk and the Water Spiders, nothing else going on.

The kind of movie to watch on a Sunday morning! As a lover of oldschool kungfu movies, this is probably the best of the worst. Inflatable water spiders, kinetic thunderfists and tigerclaw warriors. What else do you need?!

Having previously heard a great deal about this film and its sizable cult following and being a big fan of ninja movies (especially really bad ones!) I was pretty eager to view this in order to see for myself what all the fuss was about.

Having now viewed the film in question I can say two things: 1) Sadly, this is a somewhat mundane, formulaic and underwhelming affair but.... 2) It does have a number of utterly hilarious scenes on offer!

The plot concerns a group of ninja who seek to destroy the inhabitants of the Shaolin Temple as an act of revenge. At the same time a skilled fighter and monk (played by Alexander Lou) has also travelled from japan to visit the temple with the wish to gain insightful Buddhist knowledge. Inevitably Lou gets tangled up in the resulting conflict and eventually finds himself fighting side by side with the Buddist monks against the ruthless stealth assassins.

As I previously said, the above plot provides nothing out of the ordinary and plays as a typical kung fu outing (although the martial arts are well staged throughout). In fact had this been all there was to the proceedings then this film would surely have been an entirely forgettable affair. However, luckily for us there are some highly memorable and hilarious scenes included that lift this film immeasurably.

One is some lines of hilarious dialogue that crop up throughout the film. Just check out the verbal exchanges when Lou takes on regular co-star Eugene Thomas....Which incidentally brings me on to another major plus in the film...some of the bizarre characters. Eugene for instance, appears as The Black Monk Of Harlem (!!!), a jive talking, peace loving (but expert fighter when called to defend himself) monk who is paying the Shaolin Temple a visit. Also of note are a comical pair of Hari Krishna westerners who are also trying to gain admittance to the Temple (and who promptly get a good beating for their troubles!)

Finally, there's some hilarious stand out scenes, most notably a feisty female fighter who, caught off guard by the ninja, is forced to fight in the buff and of course the scene that this film is most famous for, the Water Spider Attack Team! Words simply cannot describe how hilarious the sequences in which this ninja assault squad feature really are! (especially when we see them frantically paddling and kicking as their spider goes absolutely nowhere!)

To summarise, whilst in itself this isn't a great film by any means, it does nonetheless boast enough daft scenes to surely induce much mirth in any self respecting fan of bad movies......now where can I get hold of a spider inflatable?

Dec 22

Alexander Lo Rei stars in this fun fun fun Ninja film. It starts out with some Ninja training going on for 10 minutes or so, and this is worth the price of admission alone, some great fun scenes with great disguises, Ninjas walking up trees and giant inflatable spiders.

You also get Shaolin monks thrown in as well as 2 American wannabe monks and a couple of Japanese fighters that want to help the Shaolin Temple against the Ninjas.

It is a reel hoot, but it is a little let down by being a bit disjointed, characters just seems to disappear or appear in the next scene in a completely different scenerio to where they were before.

Ninja fun 8 out of 10.