Born American

A "first movie" for a director is often quite interesting to watch. Sometimes the movie is excellent, sometimes full of film student stuff and pretentious tricks and usually tries too hard with too little. Born American is of the third variety.

The story follows three guys who are vacationing in Finland and cross over the border to the Soviet Union. Guess if the Soviets are depicted as interesting characters or something else (hint: this movie was made in the 1980s)? Anyway, things start exploding (often with the same sound effect). Also the Russians prove to be evil etc. Which is sort of interesting considering there was some tendency to self-censoring in Finland towards these kinds of things.

The plot is actually quite ridiculous because it goes way over the top at one point. It really feels like they had made the movie up to that point and they noticed they have way more money left so they added more things - or bought some of that new crack-cocaine. Some twists really made me laugh out loud in their outlandishness or how cliché they were.

Actually, if this movie starred Chuck Norris, for whom it originally was planned, it would be quite well known after that Chuck Norris revival fad. Now it's just a curiosity for anyone interested. As a Finn, I'm ashamed of this movie by Renny Harlin (he DID make a few good movies, though. I still like you, Renny). Ashamed and also proud, few countries have something unifying like this that people all around the world can laugh at.

The bottom line: DIY MST3K.

If I were to pick two words to describe this movie it would be unbelievable and unpredictable. Unpredictable because not a single moment of this movie could be foretold. And unbelievable because it has above a 4 rating on this website. This movie doesn't deserve the use of stars, it should be given its own rating system of awful, like a 5 rectum review or something. I mean this movie stinks up something awful, so awful I had no choice but to express my sincere concern that someone else might one day view this movie, or worse pay for it. Please dont... Renny (the brilliant director of other favorites such as Cutthroat Island and Driven) has presented something truly unique to the world of cinema this time however. No protagonists and no antagonists, at least no clear ones, any time we start to develop any kind of sympathy for a character he kills them! any time something happens in this movie it is wasted, unused, unexplained. Here this should sum up the movie: 3 kids go to Finland (for spring break i guess, it has become quite the hotspot) and within 2 minutes are driving to the north pole for no reason. We soon find out that 2 of these guys are your traditional jocks/heros and one is a worthless nerd. The jocks bring guns and a bow and arrow set while the nerd just has unbelievably nerdy things for a vacation like, a camera! and clothes! and food! Our "protagonists" pick on the one normal and decent character in this movie to the point where A) its unbelievable they would be friends let alone the best of friends and B) we hate the kid too. They then shoot a few things on the border of lapland and Russia (during the cold war mind you) and decide it would be best to cross the border with their weapons to "check it out,'" like the ground would be paved with gold and the streams would flow with vodka. They then forcefully kidnap a girl so they can tell her "not to be scared," I mean i fully thought they were gonna rape this girl, but it turns out they just wanted to ask some questions. The girl screams and as you would expect they are then captured by villagers and accused of murdering a small girl by an occultist/demon possessed priest (no explanation of course) who has brain washed a village... So our americans kill everyone... EVERYONE! The military shows up so they kill more. You may be thinking... Why is this guy giving away the whole movie. I'M NOT, THIS IS ALL IN THE FIRST 10 MINUTES!!!! we havent even gotten to the HUMAN CHESS MATCH where the opponents fight to the death (apparently remmy doesnt quite get the concept of chess, what if the pawn took the knight when the knight was taking the pawn? well thats giving this movie too much credit). I watch bad movies a lot. If you are looking for one you've found it. Its damned funny, and a wonderful example in what drugs you should never take when you are on a deadline to make a movie. Just please understand, in no way is this movie good. It couldnt be good if it tried, it breaks every rule of film, theater, story, human relation, history, etc. This movie just, sucks.

The movie was directed by Renny Harlin who has never done anything good and it's a wonder why people keep letting him make films... such as: Deep Blue Sea (1999), Long Kiss Goodnight, The (1996), Cutthroat Island (1995), Cliffhanger (1993), Adventures of Ford Fairlane, The (1990), and Die Hard 2 (1990).

This is the only movie I've ever walked out on. Basically three red-blooded American boys are deer hunting in Finland. They ignore HUGE signs in English warning them not to wily nilly cross over the border into the USSR. They happen on a town where there's been a murder. Borrowing from most Doctor Who plots, it's assumed the new comers committed the murder. With their shotguns they proceed to level the town and slaughter most of the paratrooper garrison stationed there.

In one classic scene, as the characters discuss the virtues of America and why it has won them the battle this day, a flaming man casually runs by.

Alas their brave fight is in vain for they're captured and promptly handed over to the KGB. For reasons not explained, their release is negotiated by a British diplomat. Ostensibly the USSR and the USA do not have diplomatic relations so the Brits are asked to help. This Brit is as evil as the KGB. Over vodka and comely sex slaves recruited from a nearby Gulag, the boys' fate is decided. They're to disappear... this little matter of 3 American boys wiping out a regiment of the USSR's finest troops would be an embarrassment to all concerned.

After having their nipples wired to car batteries and some torture, they're thrown into the Gulag.

We're now forced to endure scene after dreary scene of them cold, damp, sick, and suffering in a recycled set from Hogan's Heroes.

For more reasons not explained, there exists a labyrinth under this gulag where guards force prisoners to play a form of living chess. Prisoners battle each other to the death with crude knives, maces, and trash can lids for shields.

This movie is interesting as it is directed by a Finn and is filmed in the Republic of Finland, and most of the extras are Finns. Since there isn't too many Finnish films in English marketed towards an American audience, this film is unique in itself. You can see how the Finns used to view their Russian neighbors and also what an aspiring Finnish director thinks would appeal to American audiences. The film is pretty hit and miss but the human chess scenes are quite entertaining.

This movie begins as one of those young-Americans-on-a-European-vacation affair. Then it shifts into an action-thriller as our three heroes, on a lark, sneak across the border into the USSR and are captured by Russian border-guards. At this point it becomes a grim prison drama laced with surrealistic touches. Then the final scene offers a hint of a boy-meets-girl romance.

While the movie doesn't quite succeed as a whole, individual parts worked well enough to propel Finnish director Renny Harlin all the way to Hollywood. Perhaps the best of these parts is the justly-famous torture scene in which a well-dressed interrogator who could pass as a college professor calmly, almost lovingly, attaches alligator clips to the nipples of Steve Durham in a series of screen-filling close-ups. These clips are attached by wires to a portable generator and soon Durham is jerking in pain from electrical shocks. However, the interrogator doesn't get the information he seeks so he concludes with a comment that he has all the time he needs in order to complete his task. (A better line might have included the thought that those alligator clips could be re-attached to other, even more sensitive parts of Durham's anatomy.)

Also worth noting are the scenes of a chess game played with prisoners instead of chess pieces, though not enough is made of this material.

Top-billed Mike Norris shows enough promise here that one wonders why his later film-career was so undistinguished. Albert Salmi and Thalmus Rasulala provide good support in small but pivotal roles. As for Steve Durham, he must be the only actor in the movies whose nipples are more recognizable than his face.