Guns

"Guns" was an easy way to kill an afternoon with some friends. The low budget action is passable but it's the women and the nudity that keep your attention. Not a lemon in the bunch. I don't plan on watching "Guns" again. I don't even think I'll remember much of it tomorrow. I do hope I remember what was maybe the greatest piece of dialogue ever: "Don't do something, stand there!" Honorable mention: a dreamy Roberta Vasquez.

Boy...does this director Sidaris like to blow s**t up-but he just ain't good at it. The special effects look like they were staged in a six year olds sandbox. But you get some sweet eye candy in ex-Playboy Bunnies Dona Speir and Roberta Vasquez-unfortunately, both have no concept to emoting. And, without a doubt, you get (maybe) THE worst line ever uttered in a low-budget actioneer:

As bombs (or whatever) are blowing up around poor Dona she grabs some kind of plastic assault rifle and hollers at her male partner "Don't just do something...stand there!" and proceeds to shoot up the horizon. How can you not love it?

***** stars out of 10-mainly for the luscious Ms. Vasquez. BOING!

If you're counting, this is Andy Sidaris film # 5 - but honestly, after the great "Hard Ticket To Hawaii", you can skip the rest and move on to this one. We all know these movies just entertain and you should check the brain at the door, but if you can do that, you will enjoy this film (and if you don't mind a little harmless t+a). The music reminds me of the A-Team and Hunter TV shows we grew up with - you know, the 80's synthesizer music...with all the explosions, it could very well have been a Steven J. Cannell production.

The inclusion of Roberta Vasquez is a good shot to the system and in starring villain roles you've got Erik Estrada and Danny Trejo. That must have been quite a coup for Sidaris and wife at the time.

This is the 5th out of my 12 reviews for the works of Andy Sidaris, in chronological order. Gangster Degas (Erik Estrada) tries to get a few agents out of the way so he can ship weapons from China to South America via Hawaii. But Donna Hamilton (Dona Speir) doesn't give up easily, because Degas killed her father years ago. So even if pistols seem good enough for others, Donna prefers a rocket launcher to blast baddies to pieces. Roberta Vasquez poses with a leather bikini on a motorbike at sunset, while Cynthia Brimhall has a special appearance as a nightclub singer. Chuck McCann gets the best line when he interrogates two suspects: "What is the difference between a terrorist and a magician?" They quickly find out! "Guns" isn't one of the best of the series, but it's got its moments.

Only five films into my 'Girls, Guns and G-Strings' Andy Sidaris box set and I'm already struggling to find new ways of describing what is essentially the same damn movie every time: the same actors; the same characters; the same location; the same silly ingredients.

Guns replaces Sidaris regular Hope Marie Carlton with the equally gorgeous Roberta Vasquez and introduces a couple of reasonably cool B-movie stars as villains (Erik 'Ponch from CHiPs' Estrada and Danny 'Machete' Trejo)—everything else is exactly as one would expect: dumb plot; big breasted women in very skimpy outfits; hunks with bad hair; ridiculously large hand weapons; deadly remote control toys; and assorted men in drag (in this case, a pair of trannie assassins).

With a fraction more action than usual (there are some nice 'n' bloody squib shots), Roberta Vasquez getting topless on a motorbike, and suitably nasty deaths for both Estrada and Trejo, this one is possibly my favourite of the series so far. Then again, it might not be. It's hard to tell.

5.5 out of 10, generously rounded up to 6 for IMDb.