Ghosts Can't Do It

I think they just dug up the script for 'Plan 9 from Outer Space', buried Anthony Quinn RIP instead of Bela Lugosi RIP & dug up a future Zombie Donald Trump! Definitely the second worst HILARIOUS stoner movie EVER!

Ghosts Can't Do It (1989)

BOMB (out of 4)

Director-writer John Derek and wife Bo made a total of four films together starting with FANTASIES and then moving onto TARZAN THE APE MAN and BOLERO. All three movies were pretty bad but nothing in them was bad enough to prepare for you how downright awful their fourth and final film was. In the film, Bo plays a young woman married to a much older man (Anthony Quinn) who ends up killing himself. The old man's spirit sticks around to have conversations with his woman and soon the two of them decide it's best for his spirit to enter a younger man so that they can have sex again. GHOSTS CAN'T DO IT is without question one of the worst films I've ever seen and especially one of the worst romances I've seen. I really would have loved to have been a fly on the wall whenever the Derek's were discussing the films that they should make. There's no question that John loved his wife and was proud of her body and thankfully he wasn't a prude about showing it off. Bo has always been an amazingly beautiful woman and that's true here as she has several scenes where she's totally naked. Without this cheap nudity the film would be completely horrible so at least John was smart enough to add nude scenes but this could be said for all four of their films. As for acting, I've never quite found Bo to be as bad as many others but there's still no question she doesn't give that much of a performance here. Quinn basically stands around behind some filter meant to make him look like his in another world. His performance is pretty campy and over-the-top. Vets Don Murray and Julie Newmar also appear but add very little. Again, I'm really not sure what John Derek was trying to do here unless he was really preparing his wife for his own death since he was much older. Perhaps this was just some sort of perverted fantasy that he had about dying himself. I'm not sure what the goal was but the end result is just a complete disaster that's certainly not romantic, never funny and just a real painful experience to try and make it through.

"Ghost" did this kind of story better.

Of course, comparing "Ghost" to "Ghosts Can't Do It" is like comparing a banquet line to a compost heap.

As much as I like a good Bo Derek nude scene (for all the umpteen times I've seen them), here they're all just so... and I can't believe I'm saying this... BORING.

Yes, you heard me.

She gets naked, yes. She dances seductively in what John Derek must have thought was a clever variation on the same type of dance scene in "Flashdance". She strips down to nothing on the beach. Dips down into a hot tub, sans clothes. And blah blah blah....

But she just stands there. Yes, she stood there in her other movies, too. But it was the WAY she stood there that got to you, if you know what I mean, guys. Yeah, sure you do.

And let's not even get into what Anthony Quinn, Julie Newmar and Donald Trump are doing in a movie where everyone is more interested in seeing how Bo is going to get naked in the next scene.

Oh, I'm sure John had his own ideas of making Bo the next Helen Hayes (snicker, snicker...), save for one big difference: BO CAN NOT ACT. Nudity. Standing around with her mouth partially open. If that were all acting were, then yes, Bo would already be the next Helen Hayes.

But here in the real world....

One star. Even I was bored by this one, and that's not easy to do with me. I'd give this one no stars but darn it, Bo, when you look at me with your mouth partially open....

The Derek's have over the 1980s produced a few decent bids to acquire the title "worst movie of all time", and this is probably their prime achievement in these stakes. In fact, this film can be regarded as belonging to the "so bad, it's good" category, right up there with the products of the likes of Edward Wood Jr. or Doris Wishman. This explains the IMDb voting pattern for this film with some people handing out top marks.

Anthony Quinn made the odd dodgy film in his time, but this performance as a randy ghost is so incredibly bad, it has to be seen to be believed.

I've now watched all four Bo Derek vehicles directed by her husband, John; all are quite terrible, of course, but this is certainly the pits. Featuring the usual flimsy plot, bad scripting – by the director, naturally – and acting, not to mention gratuitous nudity by the star, it deals with her losing much older husband Anthony Quinn (she accepts his shotgun suicide by saying he had always admired Hemingway!!) but who continues to appear and talk to her. In fact, he wants to come back in another, younger body…but actually does so only in the very last scene! Derek is lovely as always, and still playing naïve(!) – especially during a muddled mid-section which has her pursued by a hired killer at a spa. Quinn, too, is typically larger-than-life (read: hammy) here, but this easily constitutes his nadir; besides, for much of the duration, he acts from behind a piece of shiny plastic (presumably suggesting his being in some sort of limbo)! His 'replacement', then, is obviously a handsome-looking stud who hasn't a lick of talent or even personality. Also featured in the cast are Hollywood veterans Don Murray (as Quinn's best friend and Bo's business consultant) and Julie Newmar (as Quinn's guardian angel in the afterlife) – plus a surprising cameo appearance by billionaire Donald Trump (who presumably needed this on his resume')! It also goes without saying that John Derek was his own cinematographer on the film, that the end credits are filled with useless (and corny) expressions of gratitude to the many people who lent a helping hand, and that GHOSTS CAN'T DO IT swept the board at the 1990 Razzie Awards!