Teen Witch

This movie has no redeeming values. It could possibly be one of the worst movies of all time. Worst acting, worst script, and oh my god, an embarrassment on all the actors resume. At the same time it's freaking irresistible. You have to surrender to the crap fest that this movie is, and then you end up loving it for all it's horriblines... of course the musical numbers are awful, and while watching, I actually feel embarrassed for them... but then I laugh, and then I make fun, ohhh, and what a glorious time you can have watching this awful piece of...

Teen Witch (1989) was one of those "white elephant" movies that I always found perversely entertaining. I'm like a moth drawn to an open flame whenever this movie is on T.V. I don't know why I like movies like these, but for some strange reason I do. The movie is an exercise in bad acting, gaudy clothes and inane situations. Personally I wouldn't have a movie like this in my collection but whenever it's on I'm there.

A teenage girl (Robin Lively) is about to have her sweet sixteen birthday. One day whilst having bad luck in general, she comes across a palm reader's abode. Seeking calm from the approaching storm she seeks refuge inside. The palm reader is a diminutive woman who reluctantly read the young lady's palm. She's learns from her reading that she's a descendant in the long line of witches just like herself. After learning that she'll be a witch with great powers after her 16th birthday, the woman takes her under her wing. Can she master her powers and make her dreams come true?

Overall the movie isn't all that great. In fact you'll feel kind of silly watching this teenage tripe. The movie has no real message and the supernatural angle is quite lame. When I saw this the first time I hoped something bad would happen to Robin Lively, but it never came to fruition. Oh well, if you really dig 80's movies, this one's for you. Others need not to apply.

Fair.

I thought the rap battle was the highlight of the film. The movie and characters treat the horrible white rappers so seriously that I just bust out laughing. This is not a quality film, but it is a fun film to ridicule, if you enjoy that sort of thing.

With Teen Witch, you can get your friends together who want to get a dose of the 80s - an elephant-size heroin injection of the 80s, complete with Madonna-ripoff soundtrack and single-pig-tail and spandex - and get quite a good many laughs at its expense. Or sometimes with it, but very rarely. It's a film with the intent to put forth the old and very tired cliché: a girl who can't fit in will do stuff to make herself fit in really big, only to discover, color us shocked, that it's really best to just be yourself, maybe, if you're good enough as is. That's the most of a moral I could get out of it anyway. Oh, and if you're a high school girl, the quarterback is always a Tom Cruise clone, I guess, only a little more buff and less creepy.

But man-o-man, get ready for cheese here. And sometimes some weird surprises in the cast. Such as Shelly Berman (who some might recall as Larry David's father on Curb Your Enthusiasm) in a bad hairpiece as the most incomprehensibly bad and nosy teacher ever who gets his just desserts (or too much thereof) with a mojo-doll mock-up of himself by Louise Miller. Or Marcia Wallace basically doing a start-up version of her Mrs. Krabappel character on the Simpsons only as a drama teacher. Or even Dick Sergeant as the father of the household. Best of all is little old Zelda Rubinstein, the perennial little old lady in movies, who is perfect as the mentor witch to Robin Lively's Louise, giving sage advice and sometimes just doing silly things like making cute guys out of frogs. Yeah, one of those old-lady witches.

So, what to expect? Lots of random musical segments, usually complimented by a boombox or stereo nearby, with songs like "I LIKE BOYS!" in a girl's locker room, or with the really shockingly dated and howlingly funny white-guy rapping on the street that becomes a rap-off with Louise's possessed best friend. Oh, and lots of montages, and cruel jokes, and a very stereotypical mean-little brother of Louise's who may in fact be playing it too gay for a kid of pre-pubescent age. And a final prom scene that reeks of silliness and oddly timed romance. And did I mention the 1980's? Be warned, this is so unabashedly of its time and era and locked-in-John-Hughes mode of thought that you'll wonder if it's still the 21st century by the time it ends. Guilty pleasure.

Teen Witch is a fantastic example of an 80's teen flick. Growing up in the eighties was a lot of fun because there were films like this!. Yes, they can be predictable at times, and if scrutinised carefully there are some glaring errors. eg. If Kiki broke her leg during play rehearsal, then how come she was fine by the time of the school prom? Not that much time had passed. But who cares. This is a film you should take at face value, the music is boppy, the clothes are typically late eighties and most importantly the characters are likeable. I especially liked her best friend- she was great, and she appeared in what I think is the most memorable part of the film. The "top that" scene. Why don't they make more films like this? They are perfect for the teen market and are, in my opinion better than the likes of Sabrina the teenage witch. At least Teen Witch has some underlying moral messages which we should all remember once in a while. All in all a lightweight but entertaining film.