- Ron Anderson: Listen, Dexter, is there something troubling you? Something that you would like to talk to someone about?
- Dexter: Well, yes, as a matter of fact there is...
- Ron Anderson: Then for fuck's sake talk to someone about it, will you? And sort it out before I sack you and hire a lobotomized monkey to play your role. Okay?
- Ron Anderson: You're both sacked. I give you a week's notice.
- Dexter: You can't do that! I demand to talk to the producer.
- Ron Anderson: I am the producer.
- Dexter: In that case, you can do that but I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of sacking me because I resign!
- Ron Anderson: Fine, then you get no severance pay and I sue your arse for breach of contract.
- Dexter: In that case I don't resign, you total and utter bastard!
- Ron Anderson: [slams the door in Dexter's face]
- Dexter: I hope all your children have very small dicks! And that includes the girls!
- Mary: Well, the only other thing at the moment is a new musical that the RSC are doing.
- Dexter: Er, what's it about?
- Mary: The Elephant Man.
- Dexter: A musical of the Elephant Man? What's it called?
- Mary: "Elephant", I think - with an exclamation mark presumably.
- Dexter: Pity the poor bastard who has to play the elephant.
- Mary: Remember dearest, everyone thought Jesus Christ Superstar was a stupid idea.
- Dexter: Jesus Christ Superstar WAS a stupid idea.
- Mary: True.
- Ron Anderson: Face it, King, you're worthless and weak and the chances of you getting a girlfriend without the aid of a virus which wiped out the entire male population of the planet are frankly pretty remote.
- Ron Anderson: Sorry I'm so late. Had some rather special guests at my show tonight. Difficult to tell the heir to the throne to bugger off because you've got a party to go to.
- Ron Anderson: [as he is being tied up by Dexter] What the hell is going on?
- Dexter: I'll tell you what's going on - first you waste four years of my life! And then you take the only thing I ever really cared about!
- Ron Anderson: Your bicycle?
- Cyprus Charlie: [Charlie has fallen in love with Carmen] She is like a hungry leopard in full bloom!
- Mr. Morrow: Do you want my advice on questions of love?
- Dexter: Yes!
- Mr. Morrow: My advice is: go blind. Best thing that ever happened to me. Since 1944, every girl I've spent time with looks the spitting image of Mae West.
- Dexter: [can't believe his date is going well, runs to the bathroom and smashes his head against the condom machine a few times, then guiltily buys one]