Houseboat Horror

Before I begin, allow me to refer to the theory of Mr. Charles Montgomery Burns to describe my opinion about this movie.

"I don't really understand art, but I know what I hate. And I don't hate this..."

I don't really understand the appeal behind this movie. I can think of no more daggy an era than the late 80s in Victoria to locate a film. Secondly, I can't understand why a creditable actor such as Alan (you're off my detail) Dale would lend his talent to this film, having also built the image of a decent family man on "Neighbours". What I enjoy about this movie is the fact that I know no worse. Only recently, I have started becoming interested in cinema, and I have found that there is a demand for perfectionism in all films. If Kevin Smith had released "Clerks" today, he wouldn't have won a solitary award for it. That's modern cinema at work.

Only Australia could write, direct, produce and release a film like this. Only Australia could gather some very notable stars and draw from them drawl about "walkabouts" and "bar up". Only Australia would bother. So think of film as an expression of the true Australian psyche, that things don't need to be perfect. That people can and will enjoy even the most pointless and lazy film. That Australia has the most creative and surreal cinema in the world. That John Michael Houson appeared in a movie he would have canned the following day with Bert...

Yep, this film is bad. Really bad. But it's worth watching just so the next time you watch Gavin Wood on the Lotto draw on Saturday nights, you can laugh at the memory of his acting performance. Incidentally, this film is so bad it was featured by D-Generation members on The Late Show back in the 90s, in a "Is this the worst film ever made?" type review. Although a possible runner-up in the Worst Australian Film category could be the Day/Strike of the Panther, two appalling martial arts films shot in Perth. I have no idea how they got the funding for the second effort!

Houseboat Horror is a great title for this film. It's absolutely spot-on, and therefore the only aspect of the film for which I can give 10 out of 10. There are houseboats, there is horror, there's even horror that takes place on houseboats. But if there were ever a tagline for the film poster, it would surely be 'Something shonky this way comes...' for Houseboat Horror is easily the worst Australian horror film I've ever seen, not to mention one of the worst horror films I've ever seen, and a fairly atrocious attempt at film-making in general. The good news is, it's so bloody awful, it sails straight through the zone of viewer contempt into the wonderful world of unintentional hilarity. It's worth watching *because* it's bloody awful.

The category of 'worst' comes not from the storyline, for the simple reason that there actually is one: a record producer, a film crew and a rock band drive up to the mystifyingly-named Lake Infinity, a picturesque rural retreat somewhere in Victoria (in reality Lake Eildon) to shoot a music video. Someone isn't especially happy to see them there and, possibly in an attempt to do the audience a favour, starts picking them off one by one with a very sharp knife. Even more mystifying is how long it takes the survivors to actually notice this,

On the surface, it looks like a very bog-standard B-movie slasher. You've got highly-annoying youths, intolerant elders, creepy locals (one of whom, a petrol station attendant, would easily win a gurning competition), and let's face it, my description of the murderer could easily be Jason Voorhees. Ah, but if only the acting and production values were anywhere near as good as the comparative masterpiece that was Friday The 13th Part VII. Unfortunately, Houseboat Horror is completely devoid of both these things.

But in the end, this only makes what you do get so ridiculous and amusing. Fans of one-time 'Late Show' and 'Get This' member Tony Martin will already be aware of some of the real dialogue gems ('Check out the view...you'll bar up!'), while the actual song to accompany the music video is so bad it has to be heard to be believed - I can't help wondering if writer/director Ollie Wood hoped it would actually become a hit. The horror element is comparable I think to B-slashers of the genre and particularly of the period, but there were times when I couldn't help imagining someone biting into a hamburger off-screen and seeing a volley of tomato sauce sprayed at the wall on-screen.

Indeed, if you've been listening to Tony Martin recommending this film as hilarious rubbish like myself, I don't think you'll be disappointed. Any fans of 'so-bad-it's-good' horror should not pass up the opportunity. Whether you'll 'bar up' or not though is another matter. If, on the other hand, you are in search of genuine excellence in the Australian horror genre, get yourself a copy of the incomparable 'Long Weekend' and don't look back.

Often cited as one of the worst movies in Australian cinema and given its abysmal production quality and all-round general badness its not hard to see why. This is definitely unintentionally hilarious as well as being downright awful with horrendous acting, awkward camera shots, terrible writing and cheap gore effects.

The plot is about as standard as you can get with a rock group accompanied by a film crew to produce a music video at the desolate Lake Infinity, unaware that a maniac has snuck aboard their boat and one by one start getting brutally slaughtered.

Considering that it's shot on video (or SOV if you will), it isn't surprising that the movie looks grainy and dull with grey and barren locations that gives this a rather washed-out look. However despite all the flaws, there's a lot of fun to be had here with entertainingly bad death scenes, thick layered Aussie accents, horrible yet 80's crazy fashion, camp dialogue and a killer while extremely goofy yet totally lacking in any sort of screen presence.

Overall everything about 'Houseboat Horror' is bad, down to the questionable editing choices with the same scenes used more than once, the sluggish pace and the failed attempt at ripping off other slasher movies such as 'Friday The 13th', but there's enough cheesy entertainment to keep you, but there's no denying that this movie is awful and can only recommend it if you're a fan of bad movies or slasher movies in general.

This film is utter crap. Yes if you are really drunk then you will have a laugh at how bad it is, but seriously it is definately the worst Australian movie ever made. The only mildly amusing moment was hearing Alan Dale (Jim Robinson from Neighbours) say the F word.