- Sir Harry Matthews: These cigars are worth $6 an inch.
- Lt. Columbo: Oh well in that case sir, I don't need this second one. I already had two in the helicopter.
- Sir Harry Matthews: [grabs a handful] Then I insist you have a lot more.
- Sir Harry Matthews: There's no need to worry about your future, Sean. I'm a generous man. I'll give you a month to pack up your trollops and vacate this overpriced bordello.
- Sean Brantley: [to Columbo] Stop it! Stop playing games! Come out from behind that cigar smoke of yours!
- Sir Harry Matthews: I've always found cigar smokers to be clear thinkers. The better the cigar, the better the thinking.
- Lt. Columbo: [looking at a lot of beautiful women in bathing suits] I must say, sir; these girls have their health.
- Sean Brantley: You've read many mystery stories, Columbo?
- Lt. Columbo: Oh, no, sir. I never read them. I tried. I can't figure them out. Even after the detective lays it all out at the end.
- Sean Brantley: [Sarcastically] I could believe that.
- Lt. Columbo: You used me to get a lot of free publicity. You made a fool out of me. But I gotta hand it to you, you did it well.
- Sean Brantley: Columbo, you are the most stubborn man I have ever met.
- Lt. Columbo: Yes sir, but there's nothing I can do about that.