Vice Academy

"Vice Academy" is purportedly a sex comedy spoof of "Police Academy", which was itself a spoof, I guess. What's funny is that for a sex comedy version of that movie, it probably has less nudity than it, and of course, no sex.

I don't know what those involved were thinking. This one boasts not only b-movie starlet and scream queen Linnea Quigley, who is still most famous for her naked graveyard dance in "Return of the Living Dead", but also a bona fide porn star in Ginger Lynn Allen. So why no sex and hardly any nudity? American sex comedies never show any sex, so it's no surprise that there's none to be had here. But why barely any nudity?

It seems like the filmmakers were having too much fun making the movie to include anything that might make you want to watch. The whole thing has this feeling as though everybody involved thought they were being hilarious. Perhaps they were laughing at us for watching this garbage, expecting a good time?

I might as well summarise the plot, or at least the set-up (there's no plot, really). It's about a class of bimbos apparently learning to be vice cops, which means they have the freedom to go out and play dress-up and pretend to be prostitutes or johns or whatever. Eventually they meet a madam named Queen Bee, with a huge beehive hairdo, who I guess is supposed to be the main bad guy. The dialogue is delivered in this weird stilted way, like every line is a wonder to the ear, and the soundtrack mickey-mouses everything out the wazoo, as though these are jokes that need underlining.

But where are the jokes?

Two borderline mentally retarded vice girls and an idiot man-child partner arrest whores in this inanely stupid "comedy" from the supremely untalented Rick Sloane. The fact that Linnea Quigley is in it makes it a tad less sucky, but not less sucky enough for the film to be watchable.For some reason I wonder what Christian Barr who plays Traci Lords.. um, I mean 'Cherry Pop' is up to nowadays though.

My Grade: D

Dvd Extras: Director's commentary; Interviews; Ginger Lynn Allen Filmography; and theatrical Trailer

Eye Candy: Ginger Lynn Allen as Holly, Linnea Quigley as Didi, and Karen Russell as Shawnee all show breasts

Well at least the girls are cuties. And....that's about it, as far as the positive things that can be said about "Vice Academy" are concerned. The story is almost offensively stupid (come on, academy trainees sent out on their own to bust real criminals?), and most of the jokes are labored and unfunny. The humor is below-"Police Adademy", hit-to-the-groin level. This gives the impression that the film was aimed at kids, but it's too raunchy for kids; at the same time it's not raunchy enough for adults - there is maybe 1 minute of nudity in total. It's a film without an audience. In one of her first non-porn roles, Ginger Lynn Allen does show some charm, and should have had more screen time. (*)

In order to graduate from a law enforcement school known as the Vice Academy each of the students are required to arrest a certain number of criminals prior to a set date. One of them, "Holly Wells" (Ginger Lynn) has a huge advantage because her father just happens to be the Chief of Police and gives her all of the resources available to him to be used at her convenience. Unfortunately, she is hardly discreet about it and cheerfully boasts about her successes to everyone else in the classroom. This especially annoys three of her less-fortunate classmates named "Didi" (Linnea Quigley), "Shawnee" (Karen Russell) and "Dwayne" (Ken Abraham) who are having great difficulty trying to pass. So with essentially nothing to lose the three of them concoct a plan to apprehend a notorious prostitution ring which has managed to defeat the entire police force to date. Now rather than reveal any more I will just say that this was a crude, low-budget comedy which contained a ridiculous plot and less-than-stellar acting. Yet even with these drawbacks it still managed to be somewhat entertaining all the same. I honestly cannot explain why but I thought some of the scenes were quite amusing. That said, I have rated this movie accordingly. Average.

Vice Academy was the only one in the series I've ever seen and for good reason: IT'S AWFUL! A parody of the unfunny Police Academy movies, this features a bunch of students training to be in the vice squad. Through a pastiche of cheap sets, horrid acting, horrible wardrobe, and a lack of the one thing that could have saved it (plentiful nudity), this film crashes and burns. I guess the only good part that I saw when I wasn't pressing fast forward was the scene featuring Vice Academy and Soap Opera regular Tamara Clatterbuck's character of Tinsel, the first prostitute that the students tried to bust (their goal in the movie was to eliminate a prostitution ring to pass the course), and how they trick her to admit that she's a hooker; I especially laughed at how she went from sweet-natured to Carlin. Otherwise, stay away.