Black Roses

Black Roses. Where to begin? First off, this movie is not for you if you cannot appreciate the comic genius that is a combination of bad metal music and massive mullets. Personally, I love bad movies and those two things have made [and broken] a great many movies for me. Black Roses is a beautiful melding of horrible acting, special effects that wouldn't have been impressive twenty years ago, and tons of terrible metal. Our Demonic band and their flamboyant frontman Damien [who is complete with a disappearing/reappearing mullet] use their music as a portal for evil! There are a great many unanswered questions come the end of the film, but if you are watching this film in the first place, chances are you're not in the market for a high-quality production. This is a great bad horror film, and a must-see for anyone who knows how funny mullets are.

7/10

[A few words on my rating system]

I review bad movies almost exclusively, that does not however mean that my rating system is inverted. A score of 1 denotes a film that is unbearable to watch, whereas a score of 10 epitomizes the best in the world of bad movies. A 5 is average, 6 connotes that there is something worthwhile, a 7 is a definate must-see for people who match the criteria that I will have listed in the review.

Heavy metal band Black Roses puts on a series of shows in a small American town, much to the consternation of the adults, but to the delight of their young fans, who are unaware that their idols are in fact demons whose Satanic music causes listeners to commit acts of extreme violence.

If you're too young to remember, or weren't even born, it might be hard to believe just how popular heavy rock was back in the '80s. Men proudly grew their locks, sported leather and denim, and head-banged till their necks seized up. Girls put peroxide in their hair, glammed themselves up with plenty of makeup and strutted around in spandex leggings (actually, so did some of the blokes). The same decade also saw the cheesy horror film enjoying much success, with many movies forgetting all about logic in favour of crazy special effects laden chaos. Black Roses takes both metal and monster madness and combines them in a technically shoddy and often laughable movie that appears to enforce the outmoded notion that rock music is a corrupting influence on the young.

A great soundtrack (if hair metal is your thing), some cheap and cheerful monster effects and a spot of gratuitous female nudity go some way to making up for the lousy script, crap acting and seemingly denigrating anti-metal message, but in the end, it's just another disappointing rock/horror hybrid (see also Trick or Treat, Zombie Nightmare, Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare, Hard Rock Zombies and Shock 'Em Dead for more of the same).

The town of Mill Basin gets their opportunity to host the hard rock band Black Roses. However, I don't think the band tours anywhere else. Anyways, once they arrive in town, it's hell on earth. The kids soon get demoniacally possessed after listening to too much of this hard rock music. The band's vocalist, Damian, is the main culprit for all of the chaos. Damian's got a cool look. He's dressed in all black and has a cool hair style. This story kind of gets its premise from the problem with hard rock and all of the suicide incidents from real life situations attached to such bands as: Slayer, Judas Priest and Ozzy Osbourne. Black Roses was released in 88', which was right around when these law suits unfolded. This sort of music was really popular then and parents and teachers really were against this entire movement. The story basically takes the premise that if you listen to Heavy Metal, you too, will become a maniac. It sure makes one laugh. The kids in this picture begin shooting their parents and beating up their fellow classmates. The script isn't that great, but the 80's music makes up for it. Time after time, you'll hear LIZZY BORDEN's "Me Against The World." This song is featured at least three or four times. There is also a cool song by the title of "Soldiers in the Night." This song, too, really cranks! The special effects are cheesy, but they seem to work for satisfactory basis. I like the part when a guy gets sucked through a mounted wall speaker, case in point to my summary title. Stay away if you can't handle a juvenile script and head banging music from the 80's. 5/10

This probably won't mean anything to people from America, but the opening sequences in "Black Roses", which were the best part of the entire film by far, seriously reminded me of the winning act in the Eurovision contest in 2006. They were a Finnish band named Lordi and dressed up like OTT demonic monsters on stage. It was quite a shock they won the conventional and borderline puritan musical concert, but it was a funny sight. Same goes for the intro of "Black Roses", in fact, because the demonic make-up effects are delightful, but the music sounds more like glamor-rock instead of heavy metal.

During the 1980s, several directors had the bad idea to mix horror movies with metal music. Both were popular separately, so together they must be even more successful, right? Wrong. I love horror and I love heavy metal, but the string of combo-flicks that came out in the 80s is overall disastrous. Although I haven't seen "Trick or Treat" yet, "Black Roses" must be the indisputably masterpiece of the sub-genre! At least it's vastly superior over titles like "Terror on Tour", "Rocktober Blood" "Hard Rock Zombies" and "Rock & Roll Nightmare". Metal band The Black Roses, with their popular front man Damian, announces that they'll kick off their American tour with a series of shows in the sleepy town of Mill Basin. It's delightful news for the local youth, but the parents and elderly townsfolk are heavily against the Roses' type of "satanic" music and life-style. They don't realize how right they are, actually, since Damian and his band are evil minions of Satan that gradually gain control over their fans' minds and bodies during the concerts. Several aspects make "Black Roses" a lot more enjoyable than the aforementioned titles, for instance a better soundtrack ("Soldiers of the Night", "Paradise" and "Dance on Fire" are good songs) and a handful of awesome murder sequences. There's a nasty scene in which a guy is beaten to death with an ashtray and a very sexy high-school sweetheart even strip-pokers her friend's dad to death! The film also remains a pure 80s cheese-galore, with lovely images of spectators turning into skeletons during the concerts and Vincent Pastore (in an early role) getting sucked into a speaker. That'll teach him to make fun of boys wearing earrings!

This film is campy, scary, and totally weird at the same time. I swear every horror fan must at least look at this film first, before making comments about it. The acting is average, the writing is average (i.e. one girl looks into a mirror and rubs her breasts for ten minutes (?)) But this film has a chilling reality to it that was probably appreciated more back when it was released in 1988. Teens killing their parents because they're possessed by the demons playing the rock music? Now that's got to be good!

Of note: Vincent Pastore ("The Sopranos" Salvatore "Big Pussy" Bonpensiero) in his first film saying one of the funniest damn quotes: "You wearing earings, kid? Only two kinda guys wear earings: pirates and homos. And I don't see a ship in the driveway!"

***out of****truly a memorably 80's horror film that went far beyond 80's slasher films that were everywhere at the time.