- Mike Nelson: [about a man who just had his arm ripped off] And ironically he collapses into an arm chair
- Flora: No, Edward! Don't do it!
- All: DO IT, EDWARD, DO IT!
- Crow: I have my doubts that this movie is actually "starring" anybody. More like "camera is generally pointed at."
- Crow T. Robot: Well, a good thing about the movie was it wasn't any longer.
- Joel: And a bad thing?
- Crow T. Robot: It was this long.
- [repeated line]
- [a character looks directly at the camera]
- Crow T. Robot: What do you, the viewers at home, think?
- [Off to the left side of the screen, a car rolls off camera]
- Tom Servo: Boy, the car will do anything to get out of the movie.
- Tom Servo: You know, it's economical to not have a storyline, that way you can just film people saying stuff.
- [after a bunch of soldiers were piled up and eaten by a monster]
- Tom Servo: What kind of memorial do we build to those guys?
- Tom Servo: Mike, if I go into a coma while watching this movie, please do NOT take any extreme measures to revive me.
- Tom Servo: Audiences won't soon forget when the thing-that-we-didn't-know-what-it-was was put into a helicopter by a guy we didn't know.
- Cook: They give you a thousand bucks to join, and a thousand bucks when it's over.
- Tom Servo: That's at least a thousand bucks.