Fake-Out

Okay, this isn't the best flick in the world, but Pia Zadora, and the Vegas scenery, in and out, help jazz it up. Zadora, plays Bobbi, a nightclub singer (again, is she acting here?), the girlfriend of a mobster she won't testify against. She's thrown in the clink. A near sexual experience with a tough hottie in a shower, forces her into a plea, as Zadora's not that sort of girl. She's taken under protection by Nevada cops, Savalas, perfect, minus a lollipop, and younger cop, Desi Arnez Jnr-yes "I love Lucy/Here's Lucy", who she develops an attraction for. Arnez Jnr is a kind of an uptight youngie who Zadora loosens up, especially in the motel room. She even plays a couple of the machines down in the lobby, a tradition in Vegas, where if you hold back on ever playing a machine here, you have amazing self control, something our beauty doesn't have, although she is a hot watch. The mob of course are getting restless and paranoid so you know, they're out to put a hit on our hottie, who does try to escape the clutches of her protector, who's so nicey nice, it's becomes slightly irritating. Unlike him, hardened detective Savalas sees right through her. Fake Out is somewhat strangely entertaining, that could of had better detail to story, but we have action, glittering lights, a little sex, and Pia's acting that is a good laugh. Her no acting is like watching Marilyn Chambers. What we do have in a fun performance is Larry Storch as a bumbling mob guy, who makes himself popular, by knocking the wheel of his car, against a machine while it's side up. And the machine rewards this certain player in spades. Not something you see everyday in movie. Love Pia's performed song at the start. Yeah... really loved it?

Another inept and cheaply-made US crime thriller. This one stars the diminutive Pia Zadora, caught up in a plot where she's wrongly sent to prison and at the mercy of a cruel ex-boyfriend. A lot of it is padded out with extremely dull romance, and the attempts at comedy fall flat time and time again. Watch out for Telly Savalas in support.

If you are expecting to Gone with the Wind, you will be disappointed. If you are expecting a watch a Pia Zadora movie, you will be pleasantly surprised. I say this because outside of watching Zadora shake, rattle and roll across the screen, Fake-Out offers a fun ride in and around 80's Las Vegas. Among witnessing Zadora in the flesh, we get to see the Lake/Great Telly Savalas. Every time he is on screen, it is worth the price of admission. The cast also includes multiple guest appearances along with strong supporting leads with Desi Arnaz Jr., Larry Storch and Tim Rossovich at their very best. Worth the watch and worth watching to the very end.

Welcome to Remake Hell (and you thought that was just happening today!).

Face it, Remake Hell is eternal. It's been going on for decades and hasn't just been happening in the past 10 or so years. This time in 1982's FAKE-OUT, director Matt Cimber reshoots (almost scene for scene) his own prior fiasco from 1975, LADY COCOA (see http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073259 for details about this turgid 1975 mess). This time, Pia Zadora takes on the lead role (originally portrayed by Miss Lola Falana in LADY COCOA), and the results are NO noticeably better. Both films suck, and FAKE-OUT's addition of more noteworthy supporting stars (like Telly Savalas and Desi Arnaz, Jr.) doesn't help matters any. It wasn't a bad plot to begin with, but Cimber doesn't elevate the story or improve the writing since his 1975 outing with the same material. It's a wonder he hasn't remade this film four or five MORE times over with other Vegas headliners like Taylor Dayne or Mariah Carey!

That said, this is still great fun for Zadora fans (or hecklers). But if you've seen LADY COCOA you may become easily bored by the grade-Z script, cut-rate production values (the Riviera casino looks pretty shoddy, actually), and the predictability of it all.

There is one apparently notorious (and charming) shower scene early on in the film where we learn that Pia's acting skills have a definite ceiling. As she's made to cooperate sexually with some fellow inmates, she turns on this blank stare that we all know (and love) from moments such as these in THE LONELY LADY. It's like a trademark for Pia. Kinda like that strange, Kabuki stare that Faye Dunaway would occasionally give off after a tirade in MOMMIE DEAREST. Strange stuff, but compelling for its utter badness.

I have to say I was really disappointed in this Matt Cimber extravaganza. It started out OK but as soon as I figured out this was a remake of an earlier, abysmal project, I found myself checking my watch to see how much longer it would run. That was at about the 15 minute mark.

Pia's opening "number" (the only one in the flick) over which the titles are displayed is pretty fun stuff -- in a thoroughly cheezy way, of course. Freeze-frame moments of Pia shaking her booty, complete with added optical effects are perfect. Too bad FAKE-OUT didn't contain more of these types of scenes.

Pia Zadora has done some strange things in movies...most of them bizarre, like her role in Butterfly, with the incestuous theme.

This film, though, is way bizarre. It's soft-core porn, really. The nudity and the strange lesbian kiss from actress Connie Hair, now a political PR flack for several conservative organizations, make it a film most will not enjoy. I doubt that Ms. Hair would enjoy references to this film these days.

I don't like the "women in prison" genre anyhow, but this one is pretty egregious.

That said, Pia Zadora is always as cute as a bunny, and I wouldn't miss any of her films, no matter what. Love ya, Pia!