Fake-Out

Welcome to Remake Hell (and you thought that was just happening today!).

Face it, Remake Hell is eternal. It's been going on for decades and hasn't just been happening in the past 10 or so years. This time in 1982's FAKE-OUT, director Matt Cimber reshoots (almost scene for scene) his own prior fiasco from 1975, LADY COCOA (see http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073259 for details about this turgid 1975 mess). This time, Pia Zadora takes on the lead role (originally portrayed by Miss Lola Falana in LADY COCOA), and the results are NO noticeably better. Both films suck, and FAKE-OUT's addition of more noteworthy supporting stars (like Telly Savalas and Desi Arnaz, Jr.) doesn't help matters any. It wasn't a bad plot to begin with, but Cimber doesn't elevate the story or improve the writing since his 1975 outing with the same material. It's a wonder he hasn't remade this film four or five MORE times over with other Vegas headliners like Taylor Dayne or Mariah Carey!

That said, this is still great fun for Zadora fans (or hecklers). But if you've seen LADY COCOA you may become easily bored by the grade-Z script, cut-rate production values (the Riviera casino looks pretty shoddy, actually), and the predictability of it all.

There is one apparently notorious (and charming) shower scene early on in the film where we learn that Pia's acting skills have a definite ceiling. As she's made to cooperate sexually with some fellow inmates, she turns on this blank stare that we all know (and love) from moments such as these in THE LONELY LADY. It's like a trademark for Pia. Kinda like that strange, Kabuki stare that Faye Dunaway would occasionally give off after a tirade in MOMMIE DEAREST. Strange stuff, but compelling for its utter badness.

I have to say I was really disappointed in this Matt Cimber extravaganza. It started out OK but as soon as I figured out this was a remake of an earlier, abysmal project, I found myself checking my watch to see how much longer it would run. That was at about the 15 minute mark.

Pia's opening "number" (the only one in the flick) over which the titles are displayed is pretty fun stuff -- in a thoroughly cheezy way, of course. Freeze-frame moments of Pia shaking her booty, complete with added optical effects are perfect. Too bad FAKE-OUT didn't contain more of these types of scenes.

Okay, this isn't the best flick in the world, but Pia Zadora, and the Vegas scenery, in and out, help jazz it up. Zadora, plays Bobbi, a nightclub singer (again, is she acting here?), the girlfriend of a mobster she won't testify against. She's thrown in the clink. A near sexual experience with a tough hottie in a shower, forces her into a plea, as Zadora's not that sort of girl. She's taken under protection by Nevada cops, Savalas, perfect, minus a lollipop, and younger cop, Desi Arnez Jnr-yes "I love Lucy/Here's Lucy", who she develops an attraction for. Arnez Jnr is a kind of an uptight youngie who Zadora loosens up, especially in the motel room. She even plays a couple of the machines down in the lobby, a tradition in Vegas, where if you hold back on ever playing a machine here, you have amazing self control, something our beauty doesn't have, although she is a hot watch. The mob of course are getting restless and paranoid so you know, they're out to put a hit on our hottie, who does try to escape the clutches of her protector, who's so nicey nice, it's becomes slightly irritating. Unlike him, hardened detective Savalas sees right through her. Fake Out is somewhat strangely entertaining, that could of had better detail to story, but we have action, glittering lights, a little sex, and Pia's acting that is a good laugh. Her no acting is like watching Marilyn Chambers. What we do have in a fun performance is Larry Storch as a bumbling mob guy, who makes himself popular, by knocking the wheel of his car, against a machine while it's side up. And the machine rewards this certain player in spades. Not something you see everyday in movie. Love Pia's performed song at the start. Yeah... really loved it?

"Fake Out" or as a DVD release, "Nevada Heat", really is a frustrating film. First, Pia Zadora is her usual cute as a button, perky self, and Telly Savalas is his usual sarcastic self. These two play off each other throughout the movie, but the film really goes nowhere. Sure there is a steamy nude shower scene, and Pia takes a bubble bath, but the simplistic story of a mobster's girlfriend's allegiance or lack thereof comes across more like a series of skits showcasing the Riviera Hotel. One interminable scene at a blackjack table plays like an instructional gambling primer. Attempts at humor mostly fall flat, and the cartoon-like car chases in and around the hotel only further weaken an already weak film. - MERK

This well made film, is a bit of a weird one. A tight comedy drama, a film which stands alone, if too as an obscure one, to which I admire it more. None too many people, would know about Fake Out, but should, this humble actioner. Pia Zadora, who like Marilyn Chambers, shows such a fakeness to her acting, does still have a great sexual presence. Better in Butterfly, where she really oozed eroticism heavily, for which she must be commended, here she puts on the same act. Playing a nightclub singer, she refuses to testify against a mobster boyfriend, so she's sent to prison, where we have a similar Chained Heat, shower scene going on. And you should see her upscale prison cell. She even runs an aerobics class in the prison. Finally cracking, she agrees to testify (ulterior motives here, of course) and is put under police protection, by lollipop icon Savalas, and hunky nice guy, cop, Arnez junior, and it's a likeable performance and character, someone you really wanna root for. But keeping Zadora, under lock and broken key, becomes a full time job, and you guessed, a romance blooms. I liked the other characters too. 'F Troop' Storch is a hoot, as a shady showbiz agent, who has his new sexy protege. There are some surprises in Fake Out, but it's just a real fun entertainer, definitely a live one, and we are in Vegas, don't forget. It also has one of the worst sniper hitmen, ever seen on film.

Pia Zadora stars in a torturous, feature length advert for Pia Zadora and her husband's Las Vegas hotel ("The production is indebted to the Riviera Hotel for its many considerations and extends you a cordial invitation to visit and enjoy its newly remodelled facilities."). At least Telly got a paycheck and a trip to the Riviera out of it, brother 'Demosthenes' tagged along too, let's hope they enjoyed its newly remodelled facilities.