Caligula and Messalina

No pun intended - this is the third Caligula movie I have seen. All are about excesses ... about mad men in power of sorts. And have obviously the main character in common - although this revolves around a few more people than just him - the title already suggests that, so no brownie points for seeing through this (or any pieces of clothes that will allow that too).

Acting is all over the place, but I was only able to watch the English dubbed version. Not that what they filmed was one language - back then they used to film movies in many different languages in Italy that is. Anyhow the emotions are a bit lost - even those in the quite explicit scenes. But you probably will not watch it because of that. Many versions exist of the movie - and the movie is a quite the mess ... makes almost no sense, but tries to shock you.

Does not succeed in the way the other two movies were able to. This apparently builds upon other movies (there is one where Messaline is the main character), which I have not seen ... I doubt this would have fared better in my mind if I had though .. just saying.

I was interested in these cheap Italian exploitation knockoffs for one reason -- well, that would be Caligula's debaucherous life, but more specifically because I'm such a fan of Tinto Brass' unpleasant trash epic. This movie adds very little to the mystique, (redundantly) rehashing some of Caligula's exploits, then they off him about 40 minutes in. So, really, this is more of a story about his (second) cousin Messalina, who, let me tell ya, is a bigger slut than Caligula ever hoped to be.

One thing I found misleading, was that the Caligula and Messalina Blu-ray included an X-rated cut, just like Brass' did. So, 6 extra minutes of, uh, I dunno, God-knows-what. They ramp up the incest. The vast majority of the sex is simulated, and the countless orgy sequences are done in this super wide screen. One thing I did notice on screen, were a whole lot of shots with, well, an unpleasant part of the male anatomy. Which no one wants to see! Worse still, what IS graphic is not one, but TWO scenes of animals mating. Yikes.

Messalina's portion of the story is one of betrayal, uprising, sleeping with anything with a pulse, so much distant nudity that you become immune to it, and who's going to outstab everyone else to become empress. If you're expecting anything on par with Brass' film (real sex, outrageous performances, elaborate sets, elaborate medieval decapitating devices, distasteful violence, etc. Etc.), I think "sorely disappointed" is all you'll be left with.

I just saw this movie, and I cannot believe how poor it was even for an exploitation film. I am not familiar with the accurate history of the real Caligula but it could not have been anything like in this movie. Of course, that's not necessary in an exploitation film but in this case it is just too stupid. Their seems to have been absolutely no research into the actual life in Rome at that time. Moreover, the sex scenes are really poor. Maybe with one or two erotic moments, and with one or two attractive females. The torture scenes are just terrible and depressing. At least a movie like "Hostel" portrays torture in a more interesting fashion - there is something about the early exploitation films that make you want to scream out in boredom at the stupid torture scenes. All things considered, this is a horrible movie which should never have been made. I feel the same about movies about torture in the Holocaust. Movies like that are simply dangerous to the mind, and a complete waste of time and life. It is difficult to prove that movies like that are actually damaging to the mind, and I don't mean it in any moral sense, but we all know that movies like that are absolute trash, and that we would be better off watching something interesting. I bought Caligula because I thought it might be good but it wasn't. I think, the Druuna comic book series is excellent. But this Caligula film doesn't deliver anything other than negative and stupid stuff.

"Caligula and Messalina", obviously made to cash in on the dispiriting success of the notorious "Caligula", is not quite as bad as that movie, which is faint praise indeed. It is, however, almost painfully boring: proof, if any were required, that wall-to-wall sex and nudity can't prevent a movie from becoming soporific.

The plot is, allegedly, about the Roman emperor Caligula, Messalina (the most notorious woman in Roman history), Agrippina (her rival), and the emperor Claudius. The movie has very little dialogue, and practically no exposition, so if you don't go in knowing a fair bit about these classical figures, you'll be left in the dark for much of the movie's run-time.

Though, of course, "Caligula and Messalina" isn't a historical picture. It's an exploitation movie. So, there are a lot of ridiculous added details, such as Messalina first getting Caligula's attention by fighting in the colosseum. Women didn't fight in the colosseum anyway, but even if they had, I'm pretty sure a blood-relative of the current emperor would never have found her way there. The movie ignores the fact that Messalina was related to Caligula and just gives you this lame introduction for her character, which could have worked a bit better if it had been directed with some kind of skill.

This is a motif throughout the whole film, in fact, and is part of the reason why it's so boring. Capable filmmakers shoot establishing shots of scenes that are framed so that we can see everything we need to see. The camera then provides close-ups of actors or action or significant details to make us feel involved in the action. "Caligula and Messalina" does the first part of this, and just seems to leave it at that. The camera is always too far away. If the director can't get us involved in the story, he could at least give us a good look at the sex and nudity the movie is chock full of, but alas, we don't get that either. The distance between the camera and the actors, and the generally poor camera angles, leaves most of the nudity hard to make out.

I'm pretty sure that if you are unfortunate enough to watch this movie, there's only one thing about it you will remember, and that is the two scenes of horses mating. One was more than enough, but "Caligula and Messalina" inexplicably includes two such scenes. Was Bruno Mattei, the filmmaker, actually trying to cause harm to his audience by making us watch this?

A laughable Italian exploitation, that uses stock footage from old sword and sandal epics. Certainly not the best example in the genre. Bruno Mattei, was indeed a prolific B-movie director (of 55 titles) and was working right up to his death until 2007.