Don't Answer the Phone!

DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE! is a serial killer thriller that makes up for a lack of gore and bloodshed with a really sleazy atmosphere that gives it a low-down gritty feel. This is one of the most interesting films to be released by low budget purveyors Crown International Pictures, and it's the first one I've watched from the studio that has real power.

It's reasonable to expect DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE! to be a dud, because many of the elements in the film simply aren't very good. The plotting is haphazard and the police investigation stuff is really boring. The majority of the cast give stilted performances and the scripting is sub par too. The whole film has a scuzzy, on-the-street type look to it that makes it very much a product of its era.

The film has a single saving grace in the form of Nicholas Worth, who plays the killer. Worth was a long-time B-movie veteran and this is the performance of his career. His crazed maniac goes around slaughtering women while at the same time praying to the spirit of his stepfather and going off on incredibly entertaining spiels that were by all accounts ad-libbed by the actor. I've always liked Worth and his performance here is the stuff of greatness; sad, then, that due to the film's subject matter it is a role that remains unseen and unappreciated by most.

This has got to be one of my all-time favorite cheesers. With awful acting, abysmal dialogue, and a senseless plot, this movie has all the makings of a classic stinker. Another thing to note is the soundtrack, which sounds like it was lifted from a B-grade porno flick, complete with wah-wah synthesizers and the "bow-chicka-bow-bow" reprisal.

Nicholas Worth, listed in the credits as "The Killer", or "The Strangler"' depending on which set you look at, delivers one of the most unintentionally hilarious performances as a deranged Vietnam veteran who likes killing young, beautiful women and then hovering over their bodies while laughing with his trademark wheezing...the guy is brilliant! Actually, that's just a joke, but then again, so is this entire movie. And why the hell do they call it "Don't Answer the Phone"? The only real phone calls of note are the ones he makes to Dr. Gail, the ultimate object of his violent misogyny. Worth has made another seminal performance this year (2000)... as the Soviet Premier in the game "Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2". Check him out, he rocks (or is that "reeks")?

However, I'd have to give the accolades for "Worst Perfomance in a Movie" to James Westmoreland. He is just plain AWFUL in this movie: contrived dialogue, stupid facial expressions, and a wardrobe that would make Wayne Newton jealous!

All in all, this is one of the best "bad" movies ever made, and I laugh uncontrollably every time I cue it up. If you're looking for 100% Velveeta, look no further: this is your movie!

Okay-at-best psycho on the loose pic is pretty standard fare with few if any surprises. James Westmoreland does a serviceable job in the lead as a composed detective hunting a certified nut-job who's strangling (and then some) vulnerable women and phoning in his conquests to a local psychiatrist's (Gerrish) radio programme.

Worth is hyper-maniacal in the antagonist role, his hulking appearance fulfilling the intimidation quotient well, whilst a few familiar faces (Haze, Frank et al) round out a capable cast. Contrary to other reviewer's remarks, I personally didn't have a problem with Westmoreland's performance nor did I think Worth was especially remarkable in his characterisation; they and the rest of the cast manage with some fairly drab dialogue padding out what is essentially, a paper thin plot (if you excised the pointless scene fillers, DATP would barely make theatrical length).

DATP just seems like a run of the mill slasher pic with all the typical elements, including nudity, sadism, nurse stalking, PTSD, some occasional light humour (check out the brothel scene which was a laugh) and every other cliché you've ever seen in films of the ilk. A pretty good example of where the title attracts attention that the film itself can't sustain. Very average.

Snickering Vietnam vet Kirk Smith (Nicholas Worth) is one hell of a sicko: for a living, he shoots obscene pornographic photos, and in his spare time, he strangles pretty young women BEFORE raping them. LA detectives Lt. Chris McCabe (James Westmoreland) and Sgt. Hatcher (Ben Frank) are hot on the maniac's heels, but can they catch him before he kills his latest target, radio psychologist Dr. Lindsay Gale (Flo Lawrence)?

With such a sleazy premise, Don't Answer The Phone looks set to be a classic slice of extremely offensive exploitation, but with director Robert Hammer reluctant to go that extra mile to offend, the film falls short of the high (or should that be low?) standards set by his contemporary William Lustig, whose similarly themed film, Maniac, goes all out to shock the viewer.

Worth's character, Kirk Smith, is an undeniably repugnant fellow, and what he gets up to certainly ain't nice, but Hammer's approach to his patently sensationalist material is surprisingly cautious: whilst he doesn't mind showing the audience a little nudity (for example, all of the victims have their tops torn off before being choked to death), he doesn't quite seem to possess the cojonas necessary to present his sex and violence in the no-nonsense manner the genre demands.

Instead, his characters simply fill us in on the salacious details through conversation: a psychic gives a graphic account of the murder and rape of one girl, offering lurid tidbits of info about Kirk's modus operandi, and several characters pass comment on the particularly explicit nature of his photography. At the risk of sounding like a dangerous psycho myself, I ask 'Where's the really good stuff?'. A few throttlings and some tits only qualify this as exploitation lite!

To be fair, Don't Answer The Phone does manage to deliver a couple of scenes that almost make the grade—Kirk strangles a junkie hooker whilst she is live on air with Dr. Gale, and one topless victim is subjected to scalding by melted candle wax— but with too many other scenes pulling their punches, this film is most likely going to disappoint fans of degenerate cinema.

5.5 out of 10, generously rounded up to 6 for IMDb.

An ugly, ugly film about a psycho who goes around raping and strangling random women. There's a good central performance by Nicholas Worth as the psycho, but the film drags with no tension or suspense whatsoever. It's just an endless series of attack scenes with no style and nothing to say.