Don't Answer the Phone!

An ugly, ugly film about a psycho who goes around raping and strangling random women. There's a good central performance by Nicholas Worth as the psycho, but the film drags with no tension or suspense whatsoever. It's just an endless series of attack scenes with no style and nothing to say.

Snickering Vietnam vet Kirk Smith (Nicholas Worth) is one hell of a sicko: for a living, he shoots obscene pornographic photos, and in his spare time, he strangles pretty young women BEFORE raping them. LA detectives Lt. Chris McCabe (James Westmoreland) and Sgt. Hatcher (Ben Frank) are hot on the maniac's heels, but can they catch him before he kills his latest target, radio psychologist Dr. Lindsay Gale (Flo Lawrence)?

With such a sleazy premise, Don't Answer The Phone looks set to be a classic slice of extremely offensive exploitation, but with director Robert Hammer reluctant to go that extra mile to offend, the film falls short of the high (or should that be low?) standards set by his contemporary William Lustig, whose similarly themed film, Maniac, goes all out to shock the viewer.

Worth's character, Kirk Smith, is an undeniably repugnant fellow, and what he gets up to certainly ain't nice, but Hammer's approach to his patently sensationalist material is surprisingly cautious: whilst he doesn't mind showing the audience a little nudity (for example, all of the victims have their tops torn off before being choked to death), he doesn't quite seem to possess the cojonas necessary to present his sex and violence in the no-nonsense manner the genre demands.

Instead, his characters simply fill us in on the salacious details through conversation: a psychic gives a graphic account of the murder and rape of one girl, offering lurid tidbits of info about Kirk's modus operandi, and several characters pass comment on the particularly explicit nature of his photography. At the risk of sounding like a dangerous psycho myself, I ask 'Where's the really good stuff?'. A few throttlings and some tits only qualify this as exploitation lite!

To be fair, Don't Answer The Phone does manage to deliver a couple of scenes that almost make the grade—Kirk strangles a junkie hooker whilst she is live on air with Dr. Gale, and one topless victim is subjected to scalding by melted candle wax— but with too many other scenes pulling their punches, this film is most likely going to disappoint fans of degenerate cinema.

5.5 out of 10, generously rounded up to 6 for IMDb.

This has got to be one of my all-time favorite cheesers. With awful acting, abysmal dialogue, and a senseless plot, this movie has all the makings of a classic stinker. Another thing to note is the soundtrack, which sounds like it was lifted from a B-grade porno flick, complete with wah-wah synthesizers and the "bow-chicka-bow-bow" reprisal.

Nicholas Worth, listed in the credits as "The Killer", or "The Strangler"' depending on which set you look at, delivers one of the most unintentionally hilarious performances as a deranged Vietnam veteran who likes killing young, beautiful women and then hovering over their bodies while laughing with his trademark wheezing...the guy is brilliant! Actually, that's just a joke, but then again, so is this entire movie. And why the hell do they call it "Don't Answer the Phone"? The only real phone calls of note are the ones he makes to Dr. Gail, the ultimate object of his violent misogyny. Worth has made another seminal performance this year (2000)... as the Soviet Premier in the game "Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2". Check him out, he rocks (or is that "reeks")?

However, I'd have to give the accolades for "Worst Perfomance in a Movie" to James Westmoreland. He is just plain AWFUL in this movie: contrived dialogue, stupid facial expressions, and a wardrobe that would make Wayne Newton jealous!

All in all, this is one of the best "bad" movies ever made, and I laugh uncontrollably every time I cue it up. If you're looking for 100% Velveeta, look no further: this is your movie!

Don't Answer the Phone is yet another film from the late 70s and early 80s about a psychotic, demented, socially awkward killer who brutalizes women because of his "problems" - whatever those problems might be. This time around we have a muscular, fat Vietnam vet who was never good enough for his father butcher pretty girls just after they have stripped from their little clothing. Nicolas Worth plays the wheezing, maniacal killer with a bizarre almost interesting quality. He is not a good actor yet is able to hold your attention throughout. I wish I could say something pleasant about the rest of the cast, but none of the rest are very competent. The police detectives who are looking for Worth - one which falls in love with the pretty radio psychiatrist that can shed light on the killer's identity - were particularly bad. The girls are pretty but the misogynistic flair devoted to their deaths is particularly degrading and unpleasant. The film is at least not overtly gory and had me interested until the end. The story was compelling enough and Worth is worth a look if nothing else.

Don't buy the DVD. It has been heavily cut. If you have previously seen this movie, the DVD will seriously disappoint you. Check your local video store for the original VHS tape if you want to your own copy of this film.

If you haven't seen this movie, rent it. It only appeals to a small group. It is standard fare of the late 70s to early 80's horror movies. Mindless killer terrorizes town (Hollywood). Police can't buy a clue.