- [buying a puppy at the pet store]
- David: I think we got him. What do you say there, kid?
- Gutchel: I know just what you're going through.
- David: What are you looking at?
- Gutchel: The patch on the back, the thinning in the front. You know what I mean? Same thing. Same thing, you know?
- David: Yeah. Okay, what is that? $15.90. Had another one. They swiped him out in front of a grocery store. I must have been in there two minutes and bingo.
- Gutchel: Yeah, that sure goes on a lot around this neighborhood. Did you call the cops?
- David: I am the cops. His name was Snaps, the one that got grabbed.
- Gutchel: I know just how you feel. They're kind of cute. You... you kind of get attached to them, don't you?
- David: Yeah, you sure do.
- [his pager goes off]
- David: Oh, duty calls. Well, thank you. Uh, you got any advice on him?
- Gutchel: Keep your shoes off the floor for a couple of months. He's teething.
- David: Thanks. All right, kid.
- Scientist Arthur Helms: I'm going to need a lot more of those for this experiment.
- Gutchel: How about some cats? I got plenty of cats.
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Puppies.
- Gutchel: I also got a parrot I'd like to get rid of.
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Puppies. And we're through with those. You can dump 'em.
- Gutchel: Right. Oh my god. Say, you know, a cop came by my store this morning. Almost wet my pants. I'm scared, you know. I'm really scared. Maybe I ought to... maybe I ought to lay low for a while, huh?
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Gutchel, I need a lot more animals. The old man's breathing down my neck for results. Now get cracking.
- Gutchel: Right. Puppies.
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Puppies.
- Gutchel, Scientist Arthur Helms: Puppies.
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Yes, we do quite a bit of in-vivo research.
- David: You ever do business with a pet store owner named Gutchel?
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Uh, all of our subjects are either bred here or we purchase them from the city pound.
- David: What happens when you run out of test animals?
- Scientist Arthur Helms: We have to suspend research. That does happen.
- David: You're a hormone guy, right?
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Yes.
- David: Just hypothetically, is it possible for a mature dog to double its size in, say, two months period?
- Scientist Arthur Helms: No, not at the present time. Look, detective, I'd like to be more help to you, but like I said, when we're done with the subjects, they're taken back to the pound for cremation. It's all very carefully regulated by the humane society.
- David: Is it possible for one of these dogs to get loose and wind up in the sewer system?
- Scientist Arthur Helms: No. No way.
- David: They're very quiet.
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Pardon?
- David: I said your test animals are very quiet.
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Oh yes, well, we cut the larynx when they first come in. It helps keep the noise level down.
- David: That it does.
- Slade: Stop tap dancing around it, son. You just got caught with your pants down, that's all.
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Well, we're very close to that synthetic hormone, sir, and I thought that we should go ahead and...
- Slade: Yes, what did the police really have on you?
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Well Gutchel was paid out of the slush fund, so there's no way he can be tied to the company. Uh, I disposed of any animals that could be traceable. It's just this guy, Madison that was here...
- Slade: Yes, yes, yes. Um. I'll put in the--in the fix.
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Pardon?
- Slade: Well it's not the police we have to worry about. No, it's those damn yellow journalists that's the trouble. They're out to ruin our public image.
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Yes, sir.
- Slade: Yes, now will you get on back to your chemistry set and I'll take care of everything. We'll put in the fix. Don't worry about a thing. Go on, go on.
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Thank you, sir.
- Slade: Yes. Don't talk to any reporters.
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Yes, sir.
- [David is in the hospital]
- David: [wakes up] No. No.
- Nurse Ann: There you are.
- David: How'd I get here?
- Nurse Ann: Well, you just popped out of a manhole at Campbell Street and start yelling alligator.
- David: Holy Jesus. Kelly. Kelly.
- [He gets out of bed and starts to put his clothes on]
- Nurse Ann: Hey. Hey, hey. You are not to get...
- Chief Clark: David...
- David: [the nurse tries to take his clothes] Leave me alone. What happened to Kelly? Did you find him?
- Chief Clark: Nothing. And not a sign of you know what, either. Now look, stay a couple of days. Just take it easy.
- David: What the hell are you talking about? We gotta get back down there.
- Chief Clark: You need some rest, David.
- David: Are you nuts? You think I'm going to lay in this bed while a kid I sent down in the sewer is... unaccounted for?
- Nurse Ann: Look, Dr. Leigh has got to see him.
- David: Who's this Dr. Leigh?
- Chief Clark: He's a psychiatrist. He just wants to give you some tests.
- David: I'll give you some tests.
- Nurse Ann: You're going to give yourself a headache.
- David: You're nuts yourself. What the hell's the matter with you guys?
- Kemp: Hi. How you feeling?
- David: What happened, you lose your paper route?
- Kemp: What's the matter with you? Hey, I'm just trying to write a story.
- David: Well, invent something. You know how to do that.
- Kemp: I hear you lost another partner.
- Chief Clark: We got no comment on that.
- Kemp: You know, that's getting to be a habit with you. I pulled out the files on the Baldwin Hotel shooting.
- Chief Clark: Hey, Kemp. Lay off.
- Kemp: I'll lay off. You tell me what happened in the sewer yesterday
- Chief Clark: No comment.
- Kemp: Chief, I'm not asking you. I'm asking Officer Madison.
- David: And that's exactly what we're going to find out, isn't it, Chief?
- Chief Clark: Right.
- Marisa: The largest one ever recorded was around 15 feet, but in a sewer it's not possible. Even in a zoo they don't grow full size.
- David: He was bigger than that.
- Marisa: Excuse me.
- David: He was huge.
- Chief Clark: Tell me something, miss. Are these your snakes?
- Marisa: No, they belong to the university. I have a couple of non-poisonous species at home though.
- David: It was bigger than 15 feet.
- Marisa: An alligator half that size would starve in a week. There's no sunlight. There are toxic fluids and gases. Not to mention the question of how it got there in the first place.
- David: You're looking at the one who saw it, and it was big.
- Marisa: You said it was dark. Now, perhaps you're mistaken.
- David: Okay. Thanks very much for your help. Can I borrow this book?
- Marisa: You can have it.
- David: Excuse me.
- Chief Clark: Dr. Kendall, could there be another animal down there that could possibly be this size?
- Marisa: Nothing I know of. I'm sorry.
- Chief Clark: Thank you very much.
- [they're leaving the herpetologist place]
- David: I thought she'd be some kind of help.
- Nurse Ann: She's the leading authority. Now, it was worth a try.
- David: She's a kid, she lives with snakes. What the hell you talking about?
- Nurse Ann: Look, I didn't say she was normal. I said she had the word on alligators. Now look, why don't you give it up, Dave? It's one of your nightmares.
- David: Nightmare your ass. There's something down there. Now, it'll take a lot of guys, but we'll flush him out
- Nurse Ann: The only thing you're going to take is a leave of absence.
- [hands him a newspaper]
- Nurse Ann: Here. Read it and weep. Our friend Kemp, he's got the hots for you.
- David: City detective loses partner again. Mysterious circumstances surround the abrupt disappearance in a city sewer of police patrolman Jim Kelly, partner of Detective David Madison, while on an official investigation. No such mystery surrounds the death of Jerry Randolph of the St. Louis Metropolitan Police who was paired with Madison on the fatal night of March 21st, 1975.
- Marisa: I work, too, you know. I mean, I'm way behind on the class work, I still have two experiments I have to get done.
- David: My dear young woman, it is still out there.
- Marisa: They'll find it. And your great white hunter will shoot it, and that'll be the end of it.
- David: And you're not even curious how it got to be that size?
- Marisa: I'll be there at the autopsy.
- David: Look, there's a couple of things I'm trying to put together. You're the only one I know who can tell me whether the pieces fit. If the thing works out, I'll buy you an iguana or something. One of them little pretty--
- [he sits down on a hose]
- Marisa: That'd be great.
- [David is looking through a microscope]
- Marisa: it's a section from the pituitary of your Lhasa Apso.
- David: Hmm.
- Marisa: The dark blue globules indicate that it's been bombarded with some sort of hormone derivative.
- David: What'll that do.
- Marisa: Well, in some cases, it'll make little dogs into big dogs. I'd put my money on somatropin, but if they've been throwing test animals down the sewer for years, there's no telling what combination our friend's been exposed to.
- David: Maybe he'll die of cancer.
- [they're tending to a calf]
- Marisa: Can you work with progesterone as well?
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Sure, we tested 'em all.
- David: What kind of a cow is this?
- Scientist Arthur Helms: It's a calf.
- David: Big for a calf.
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Detective, the world has a food shortage problem. We're trying to do something about that.
- Marisa: Yes, I understand you manufactured a synthetic form of testosterone.
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Yes, we had some success with that.
- Marisa: Why didn't you market it?
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Several contraindications. Main one being that it tended to hyper-excite the organism's metabolic rate.
- David: What's that in plain English?
- Scientist Arthur Helms: It gave them an insatiable appetite. Look, detective, I've got a lot of work to do. You got any more questions?
- David: Yeah. What would Slade Pharmaceuticals pay for a hot Lhasa Apso?
- [they're overlooking a footprint]
- Marisa: This is amazing. I mean, according to this, it should be 30 to 40 feet long.
- David: But it is an alligator.
- Mayor: David. This is Colonel Brock--
- [explosions are heard]
- Col. Brock: What the hell is that?
- Chief Clark: We're setting off charges to see if we can bring him up.
- Col. Brock: It's a wild animal, not a submarine.
- Mayor: I've flown in Colonel Brock to take charge of the operation.
- David: Take charge?
- Mayor: Yeah, well, he's hunted big game animals all over the world.
- Chief Clark: It's a new ballgame, Dave.
- David: What the hell do you expect me to do?
- Col. Brock: You just stay out from under my feet.
- David: Start right now, guys.
- [He walks off]
- Mayor: Now, look, Madison...
- Marisa: You know, it's not his fault the alligator got loose.
- Col. Brock: Who is this pretty girl?
- Chief Clark: Oh, Colonel Brock, this is Dr. Kendall. She's the...
- Col. Brock: Oh, yes, the lizard lady. Welcome and now you can go back to your books.
- Marisa: You'd better take all the help you can get. You know, I've seen what this animal can do.
- Col. Brock: Well, if I couldn't get myself killed chasing it, what fun would it be?
- Col. Brock: Hi. Are we live on this thing?
- Newswoman: I believe so.
- Col. Brock: Oh, nice. You're very pretty. But, uh, we're here to talk about alligators. Well, look, alligators respond to sound. They talk to each other, call each other. Listen.
- [he imitates an alligator growl]
- Newswoman: What's that?
- Col. Brock: That's the distress call of a young gator that's still with its mother.
- Newswoman: Do they have a love call?
- Col. Brock: Your alligator is a very romantic creature. It gets the itch, come spring, and it'll give off with a sound something like this...
- [he start grunting]
- Newswoman: And that will attract another alligator?
- Col. Brock: Well. I'm hoping so. I'm counting on it.
- Chief Clark: Will you put that goddamn map away. Look, I gave you 78 men, you've got the National Guard, and he's still loose in my city! And look at the hole he made!
- Marisa: He'll go for water.
- Chief Clark: What?
- Marisa: We'll go for water. He's expended a lot of energy and he'll look for a place with water to rest.
- Chief Clark: That's wonderful! We got rivers, we got canals, and we got that lake over there!
- Chief Clark: The safety of the public is my job!
- Mayor: Well, you've got no job unless I get reelected. Now, look, this could generate a lot of good publicity. And I can't have your people fumble the ball for us. And that's all.
- David: Give this lady an idea of how big he was. Just a guess.
- Marisa: Was it as big as he is?
- Joey: You know an El Dorado?
- David: The car. You're kidding.
- Joey: No, a refrigerator. Of course a car.
- Marisa: Wait a minute. You're saying it was as big as a car?
- Joey: Yeah. Of course, you've gotta add the tail.
- Marisa: Of course.
- Joey: Yeah.
- David: How do you suppose it got this way?
- Bob: It looks like it was chewed off.
- David: Yeah, it's a working man's hand. We'll get some scrapings off these calluses. Anything else?
- Bob: Yeah, they found a Lhasa Apso floating in the same sludge tank.
- David: What is that? Some kind of pooch?
- Bob: Yeah, some kind of dog. They got a line on who it might be.
- David: Uh-huh.
- Policeman 1: Yo! Homicide in here?
- David: Yeah, that's me.
- Policeman 1: Chief wants you outside. He's got a lady, she owns a dog.
- David: Be right there.
- Bob: We got a big toe in the morgue once. Nothing else, just a big toe.
- David: Yeah?
- Bob: Never found the rest of him. But we figured out who it was. Had a funeral and everything.
- David: Must've been a pretty small casket.
- Chief Clark: I checked it out. There's only three of that breed registered in the whole state. Now a lady called in and reported it lost two months ago.
- David: What kind of shape is it in now?
- Chief Clark: The body hasn't decomposed a bit, but all the internal organs have been cut out clean as a whistle. Larynx cord's cut, too.
- Old Lady: It looks so much like Taffy.
- Chief Clark: Mrs. Lewis? This is Detective Madison.
- David: Hi.
- Old Lady: It looks exactly like Taffy, but it's way too big. You know, she has the same markings, the same color, everything.
- [holds up a sweater]
- Old Lady: This fit her two months ago when I lost her.
- David: This sweater fit this dog?
- Old Lady: Uh-huh.
- Bob: You know, if this keeps up, I'm going to open a spare parts shop.
- David: This isn't the guy the arm came from.
- Bob: How can you tell?
- David: This guy cut his nails square. The other one rounded them off. What was he wearing on his feet? Wearing boots?
- Bob: No, he's wearing alligator wingtips with lifts in 'em.
- David: Not your regulation sewer gear.
- Bob: Yeah, we got one here and you know, forensics came up with something very interesting in his sock.
- David: What?
- Bob: Kitty litter. The guy must have been a cat fanatic.
- David: Chief. I got the goods on the alligator.
- Chief Clark: David...
- David: The big guy over at Slade's, our dear mayor's buddy, he's up to his eyeballs in it.
- Chief Clark: I'll need your shield, David. You're off the force.
- David: What are you talkin' about?
- Chief Clark: You pushed too far.
- David: You didn't really expect me to work under that guy Brock, did ya?
- Chief Clark: It's out of my hands.
- David: You're kidding...
- Young cop: Homicide?
- David: Not anymore.
- David: I got canned. Apparently, we stepped on all the wrong toes.
- Marisa: Well, can they do that?
- David: Sure, they can do that. It's their town. They can do anything they want.
- Marisa: Well, how do you feel?
- David: I was always worried they were gonna can me anyway. Now that it happened, psh, I feel wonderful.
- Marisa: And what are you gonna do?
- David: Go out there, I'm gonna find that alligator, and... I'm gonna kick his ass.
- Marisa: When do we start?
- David: I don't know why I'm supposed to talk to 'em.
- Chief Clark: Because it's your case. You gotta face the music. Jesus, don't you own a razor?
- David: I was in a hurry this morning.
- Chief Clark: In a hurry? For Christ's sake, you were a half hour late.
- David: These reporters are assholes.
- Chief Clark: You just watch your language in there.
- David: Edward Norton worked for the sanitation department for 25 years.
- Reporter 1: Have you identified the other victim? And what do you know about him?
- David: Luke Gutchel, he operated a pet store.
- Reporter 2: And Gutchel, didn't he have a criminal record?
- David: No comment.
- Reporter 2: Detective, is there any evidence to link the two murders?
- David: Well, we don't know that it was a murder, second of all, that would be evidence. I wouldn't be able to comment on it.
- Kemp: Is there anything you can comment on?
- David: Next question.
- Reporter 2: How could bodies have been found in the sewer system?
- David: Say that again?
- Reporter 3: How could the bodies have found their way into the sewer system?
- David: In this city, we use a combination sewage and drainage system therefore the bodies could have found their way into the system at any point.
- Kemp: Can you give us a cause of death in each case?
- David: The bodies were dismembered. We're waiting on the coroner's report.
- Kemp: Can you tell us at least if they were similar?
- David: The bodies were dismembered.
- Reporter 2: Are you withholding information?
- David: No comment.
- Reporter 3: Do you think there might be a Jack the Ripper type killer operating in the city?
- David: It's a little too early to speculate on that kind of...
- Reporter 2: What do you think the motive might've been in these slayings?
- David: Raise newspaper circulation. Look, I can't do this.
- [He gets up to leave]
- Chief Clark: As you can see, we have very little information at the moment. Now if you'll excuse us, Detective Madison and I have work to do...
- Kemp: Officer Madison, aren't you the same David Madison who lost his partner in the Hotel Baldwin incident in St. Louis?
- Kemp: Yeah.
- Kemp: I believe in that case, your partner was stabbed to death, wasn't he?
- David: He was shot.
- Kemp: That's right. I'm sorry
- Chief Clark: We will keep you posted. Thank you.
- David: You ought to let me break that stolen pet angle. Give 'em somethin' to chew on.
- Chief Clark: You look terrible, David. When you're representing the department, you should take the time...
- David: Look , Chief, I had a tough night last night. I had one of those bad dreams. Didn't get me much sleep. I didn't shave this morning, so gimme a break.
- Chief Clark: David, you can't let that Baldwin Hotel thing throw you. Now, that was five years ago, and nobody blames you.
- David: Yeah. Tell that to the newspapers. Thanks.
- David: [answer's phone] Hello? No, I was awake. Wait a minute. Slow down. Kemp? No. Yeah, I'll be right there.
- Chief Clark: Here's his camera. It got caught in a grate buy tank five.
- David: Sure. And no sign of Kemp?
- Chief Clark: The sanitation people, they won't go in any further. The rumor is starting to spread.
- David: Figures.
- Sparks: Get 'em while they're hot.
- Chief Clark: Got anything good, Sparks?
- Sparks: You won't believe it.
- [hands him a picture]
- Chief Clark: It's a rat.
- Sparks: No, no. Not that, not that. Here, look.
- [Shows pictures of the alligator]
- Sparks: Huh? Huh?
- Chief Clark: Holy shit?
- Sparks: Huh?
- David: What do you think, Chief? You believe me now?
- Chief Clark: We'll get the snake lady to take a look.
- David: Who?
- Chief Clark: The herpetologist.
- Sparks: Imagine, clicking away with your camera while that's coming at you.
- David: Well, he'll make the front page anyway. That's all he really wanted.
- Reporter 1: Thomas Kemp, popular columnist for the National Probe Magazine is missing and presumed dead. His camera, the only clue to his disappearance, was fished out of a filtration tank at the city sewage works late last night. The film inside the camera was salvaged
- [David changes the channel]
- Newswoman: What appeared to be an abnormally large alligator or similar reptile who is now believed to be responsible for at least four deaths.
- [David changes the channel again]
- Mayor: But as mayor, I tell you that no effort and no expense will be spared by this--
- [David changes the channel again]
- Madeline: Professor, herpetologist, author, and probably the leading authority here in the Midwest on reptile and amphibian life, as well as a native of our own city, Dr. Kendall, what animal is it?
- Marisa: It's an alligator.
- Madeline: Couldn't it be a...
- Marisa: There's no question. It's definitely an alligator.
- Madeline: I see. Well how large do you think it is from the photographs you've seen?
- Marisa: If it's been living in the sewer, it couldn't be very large. Even under ideal circumstances, in a zoo for example, they don't grow nearly as large as they would in their natural habitat.
- [David turns off the TV]
- David: [looking over a map of the city] this makes it one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine... 13...
- [looks at a toy alligator on the map]
- David: Where are you?
- David: We've got teams moving in from every possible entry point, pushing through, converging in these three main channels such that there is only one possible exit, and that is here.
- Chief Clark: What if he doesn't run?
- David: Don't worry.
- Marisa: It will.
- Chief Clark: Oh, Dr. Kendall.
- Marisa: If you don't corner it, you'll be fine.
- David: Who invited her?
- Chief Clark: David, we don't know how this thing is going to react. Now maybe she can help us.
- Marisa: You know, I had one once when I was little. An alligator. My father found it dead one day, though, so I didn't get to keep it very long. His name was Ramon. Actually, they're not very good pets. Snakes are a lot better.
- David: You're a weird kid, you know that?
- Marisa: I'm not a kid.
- David: Anybody younger than me is a kid.
- Marisa: I'm really sorry about your friend. Must have been a terrible thing to see.
- David: You ever have any boyfriends?
- Marisa: There was Stuart, who was president of the science club.
- David: Taught himself calculus?
- Marisa: In the ninth grade. And then, of course, there was Chester. He was into reptiles, like I was.
- David: Sounds cozy.
- Marisa: Oh, it was all right. Till he started dissecting them.
- Callan: Yeah, here we are. This the place?
- David: Right-O
- Callan: Jesus, I haven't been in this place since I first started with the department. Look at that.
- David: All right, this is where we're gonna split up and take a look.
- Callan: What the hell are we looking for?
- David: Anything that looks like it doesn't belong here.
- Marisa: Evidence of alligator nesting.
- Callan: That would be like, shoes, handbags, luggage?
- Marisa: Right.
- Callan: Found a shopping cart up here.
- [Marisa get startled by a dog's corpse in a tunnel]
- David: You all right?
- Marisa: Yeah, I'm fine. It's just a dog.
- David: Jesus.
- Marisa: I'd vventure to say there are other animals stashed around here, too. I think this is home base.
- David: And you'll think he'll try to come back here?
- Marisa: If it can get back in the system, I think it will sure try.
- Callan: Well, that settles it for me. I'm taking my vacation until this thing's over with. At least in Florida, they keep 'em in the swamps where they belong.
- Mayor: Oh, Mr Slade, I'd have to go to the City Council for a reward.
- Slade: Now common now, let's stop fussing. I'll put up the money. I'll put up the money. Listen, the wedding is tomorrow. I want you to pick up all this silver, all the tables, put 'em back the way it should be later.
- Mayor: Look, that's very generous of you, Mr. Slade.
- Slade: Mayor, listen, we have got four products, four products pending with the Food and Drug Administration right now. Four products. And that's a lot of politics involved.
- Mayor: Oh, I see. And if they traced it back to the company...
- Slade: You mean if they traced it back here to us?
- Mayor: Yeah.
- Slade: Well you'd be out of a job for one thing. Arthur. Mayor Ledeux, my future son-in-law, Arthur Hill.
- Mayor: Oh, how you do?
- Scientist Arthur Helms: Nice to meet you.
- Slade: Arthur is my number one boy.
- Mayor: Oh.
- Slade: My number one boy, yes, sir.
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