A Vacation in Hell

Can there be a worst film? Even Ed Wood at his horrific worst couldn't come up with something this bad. Cheesy, stupid, long-winded, preposterous...and those are the good points. I saw this trash back in the early 80's when I was incredibly bored to begin with, and actually sat through the entire thing without blowing my brains out, although that probably would have been a more pleasant experience. I actually remembered it because it was so bad. It makes me sad in a way because some of the best directors got their start by making TV movies (ie Spielberg) and it was a wonderful way for them to get their initial material before the public, but crap like this just totally killed the entire process.

It is easy to tell early in this movie exactly what will happen, and who will die. It is about 4 women and a man who on a vacation. You can tell this is written by a woman, and made for women, in the way there is such Nazi devotion to preaching that blonde hair belongs on women.

This movie, like the others of that era, contrives to bring this about, and the viewer knows this. There is no mystery or suspense. The people squabble, but everything is so predictable for the prejudices of the time, it is laughable.

The five people happen upon two savage young characters, and go nuts. Everyone is nuts, so that the director-writer team can justify their Nazi propaganda.

For some reason, the guy is attracted to the blonde, who is really not much to look at, and ignores a super hot looking brunette that any heterosexual man would go nuts over. One must remember that in the seventies, movies were meant to appeal to women and not men.

Totally crap and totally depressing.

Ya gotta love this piece of trash. So what if the actors needed a little gin money, this romp through Satan's Club Med is worth all agonizing 2 hours. Someone should have warned the guests that the "waterslide" was a doozy. If only Gilligans Island were this treacherous. It's silly, poorly written, scenery chewing fun. I saw this when it first aired on TV when I was 11 years old and if I still remember it 23 years later, there's gotta be some fun to be had. Woo-Hoo!

The real attraction is seeing Marcia Brady, Agent 99, Nurse Terri, and Dynasty's Claudia in this setting. Bellwood has the best scenes. if I were stranded in the Tropics, I'd want her with me. I was 8 years old and still remember it received "No Rating" in the TV listings, but I'd say this has to be seen to be believed. Warning: It probably got the "No Rating" because the ending ticked the reviewer off!!! I know it did for me. I would classify it as Action/Adventure.

OK... the movie wasn't TERRIBLE, but it was far from good. What really shocked me was the constant man-hating that the brunette kept spouting. That was the majority of her dialog. Not little snide remarks here and there. I mean full on, literally, "all men are evil."

Honestly, the only reason I sat through it as long as I did was because of Marcia Brady (Maureen McCormmick) and Teri from "Three's Company" (Priscilla Barnes). Agent 99 (Barbara Feldon) is just an annoying whiny... thing - the exact opposite of her character on "Get Smart."

The story itself is contrived. The acting is subpar - especially coming from these people who know how to act. The lines - again, especially the strong-independent-don't-need-no-man brunette - are cringe to say the least. As I'm writing this, I'm trying to remember what it is that led me to give it the high score of five stars...

If you are a fan of any of the girls, you MIGHT enjoy it... if you can overlook all of the negatives about it. Otherwise... skip it.