Roller Blade

Roller Blade is not and has not pretense of being a great movie. Anyone applying a rigorous scientific analysis to the technologies depicted will either pull out her hair or laugh herself silly.

But it delivers exactly what it promises = action & babes in skimpy outfits. And as one of those babes is the delicious Michelle Bauer, this remains one of my guilty pleasures.

There were just enough literary references in the movie to lead me to believe the producers toyed with the idea of making it a serious flick, but then we were treated to more babes.

All Michelle Bauer fans should watch every film she ever appears in, even this one.

There are certain bad movies out there that everybody knows. People talk of "Plan Nine From Outer Space" or "Robot Monster" or more recent movies like "The Room" and "Birdemic: Shock and Terror". But this one is seemingly unknown by the majority of people and that's a shame because it's awful in such a good way.

The story, if you can call it that, takes place at some point in the future. There are no cars and the only way to get around is on roller skates. Not roller blades mind you, roller skates. The "blade" part deals with knives because people use them.

There's this doctor character with a mutant hand puppet that wants a magic crystal because something something rule the world. You know, typical bad guy stuff. But in his way are the Bod Sisters, a group of rollerskating nuns armed with knives. There's a sheriff of sorts who speaks in Elizabethan English or maybe it's supposed to be biblical, I'm not sure but it's a lot of "Yay verily" and stuff like that.

And then three of the Bod Sisters get naked in a pool and perform some ceremony in front of a glowing happy face. Why? I don't know. It's never really explained and they're never seen from again. I guess they wanted to up the sexy in this to maybe get more people to watch it?

Oh and everybody's voice is dubbed. It's like they got three or four people in the recording booth and just had them record everybody's lines.

It's a shame that this never got a DVD release because I know that I'd want a copy if for nothing else to put on my bad movie shelf. This really needs to be seen to be believed.

I gave it an 8.. if you're looking for a B movie..ONLY a B movie will fit the bill..the fact that the entire cast is on rollerskates was the first clue that this was a truly a B movie.

I don't understand why folks insist on sitting through B movies and then get mad. You know it sucks. You know it's the chum of the movie world..yet..you keep looking for poached salmon..blegh.. get over it. Watch it for what it is..

Even Mother Speed (wheelchair bound) is wearing skates..holy crap..

My husband's favorite is the "Holy Hot Tub" where all wounds are healed.. with chicks with big boobs rubbing each other.. jeez.. if that doesn't say B movie..nothing does..

Get over it.. watch it for the silliness.stupidity and complete ridiculous premise.. have some FUN..jeez.. it ain't art..tis... crap.. enjoy it!!!!

I thought this movie was great! You've got nuns on rollerskates, women, punk rockers and more! If you enjoy low budget films, check this one out... it's worth it.

this movie is a triumph of modern cinema.

it should be shelved between fellini's "satyricon" and truffaut's "400 blows".

with such enduring characters as "Mother Speed" and "Helpless Victim," you can't help but fall in love with their plights, empathize with their struggle, and finally, come to a stunning conclusion with tears of great justice shining in your eyes.

and not only does it come with brilliant, multilayered characterization & pathos, but also contains astonishing and subtle hints of sociopolitical criticism: for example, the upside-down, spinning shopping cart? i can think of no better symbol to better criticize the gross materialism that humanity seems to have embraced!

everyone should see this movie -- no, film.

may you forever skate the paths of righteousness.