Malibu Express

Andy Sidaris film simply made to show off the "talents" of numerous Playmates and Penthouse Pets. He then tries to mask the playmates by creating a murder mystery to keep the flow of the film going. This has become an ongoing trend in many of Sidaris' later films, which are kind of fun. Hinton plays a Magnum P.I.-wannabee who finds himself in a murder and in the clutches of sexy Sybil Danning. There's plenty of Playmates, sex and mystery to keep an audience entertained.

Sidaris took his 'Stacey' and remade it with a male lead.

Former child star Darby Hinton takes over the hero role this time.

He's your typical macho hero too. Lives by the sea. Knows about weapons. Can drive anything. Big blonde dude with an eighties mustache. You know the type.

He also beds every loose woman in this film. And that's pretty much every woman in this film. Every 20 minutes it seemed like he scored.

The fact that there were a few porn stars among the cast helped. Ol' Darby wasn't the ONLY guy getting' lucky here.

This had more of a breast fetish than 'Stacey.' For that alone, most men will dig it. But this film was as realistic as your average A-Team episode. That's not a bad thing mind you, just don't forget.

Darby Hinton stars as a private eye (Who looks like a cross between Chuck Norris and Tom Selleck) who investigates espionage, murder and all kinds of fun stuff while getting laid lots and lots of times. Malibu Express is probably for what it's worth the best movie from Andy Sidaris on a technical level. Of course in my opinion his only other watchable movie was Hard Ticket To Hawaii, anyway Malibu Express has some okay action sequences (Even though Hinton's martial arts sequences are badly staged) and features tons of nudity which is the film's main selling point. The story is completely plot less and extremely hard to follow mainly due to the fact that none of the plot threads are ever pursued in a way that would make this work as a mystery. In fact the ending merely explains the outcome because the movie forgets to connect the dots earlier. Basically this is a plot less and rather goofy affair which works better as comedy than it does as action or mystery.

* * Out of 4-(Fair)

This is what the "Dukes Of Hazzard" would be like if it was geared to adults! Cody Abilene, a man who can't shoot straight with a gun, but can with a...well, you know, is a P.I. trying to solve a crime involving a rich family being bilked out of its cash. This one has it all, gorgeous babes, graphic violence, great sex scenes (for 1985), a good plot, and a hilarious sub-plot involving The Hogg family's cousins, The Buffingtons. A Russ Meyer film made for the 1980's by Andy Sidaris, and a memorable one. The best scene is when Cody needs to find a new car to replace the one he lost, and he goes to a used car lot owned by a woman who recognizes who he is, and when he request to buy a car, the lady starts to seduce him; and later, when he leaves, he says (in a first person voiceover, that he was raped!). Good stuff.

Okay, guys, why do we watch Andy Sidaris films?

That's right, and more power to him, I say.

Any guy who makes a living out of making red-blooded movies about murder, deceit, blackmail and double-crosses then loads them with more beautiful women than a year's worth of Playboy subscriptions is my kinda film maker.

Hinton is the detective on the case but let's not talk about him. What about those ladies? Weismeier, Edwards, Sutton and Michaels are all women who deserve a second look (or third or fourth or seventeenth), but then there's Sybil Danning.

Anyone familiar with my reviews of her movies knows I think any Sybil is good Sybil and this one is about as good as it gets. She is out in full force and takes command of the screen like no one else.

But even if you just pay attention to the story, that won't hurt, either. It's actually a good one this time around and makes you wonder what the next plot twist is.

The perfect guy movie. Sorry, ladies.

Eight stars and a big shiny pistol for "Malibu Express".