Goldy: The Last of the Golden Bears

I bought this movie used (thank God) for my daughter. My daughter asked me to stop the movie because she didn't like it. She was bored to tears. I finished it later and formed my own opinion. It sucked! The child actress, Jessica Black, was just awful. I usually have a soft spot for child actors, but this kid was terrible in every way. As the final credits rolled, I saw many Blacks listed. She obviously was related to these people, perhaps to Trevor Black the producer. That explained a lot.

I usually like sappy animal movies, but I just could not embrace this one. It just didn't move me in any way. I think I was already turned off by the poor acting of Jessica Black that it was hard for me to suspend judgment and allow myself to be entertained by this amateurish "film."

I was shocked Mr. Black made Goldy II, and I was totally astonished that he actually made Goldy III. I have not seen either, but when I read the premise for Goldy II, it sounded much like Goldy I revisited. Didn't Trevor Black and John Quinn learn anything from the first one? How sad.

Shot for $25,000, the first "Goldy" led to two other features. All three grossed 4 million, appeared on Showtime & HBO and have been translated into 6 languages for 17 foreign countries. The book "Goldy" was read in the New York United Nations children's center. David Wasco, the art director for Goldy I & II, is now well-known for his "Production Design" on "Pulp Fiction" & "The Royal Tannenbaums." Chris Lombardi the camera assistant (Goldy I)was the camera operator on "Cider House Rules". The music composers Ed Berghoff & Larry Bastian made the big time with songs on Garth Brooks' first album. Larry wrote 5 songs for Garth including "Unanswered Prayers" and "Rodeo." Trevor Black won an Emmy for Sound on "One Against the Wind" with Sam Neill and Judy Davis. The many talented young people who worked for pennies on Goldy I, gave it whatever magic that has touched a certain segment of the world film audience.

I saw this movie when I was about 8 years old and then as a little kid I thought it was the most retarded movie in the whole world. It is right down there with Leonard 6. I mean this movie is bad, I'm sure it is great as that other person comment, as a practical joke. BUT SOMEONE GAVE THIS MOVIE A VOTE OF 8. HOW, WHY, WHEN did you become retarded?? I wanted this movie to be voted as the worst movie on the internet movie database, so I gave it a vote of 1, but some nimrod gave it an 8 and I was just hoping that that person could change the vote. EVERYONE GIVE IT A VOTE OF 1!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only reason this movie is not in the bottom 100 is because not enough people have seen it. Given time and exposure, I am certain Goldy: The Last of the Golden Bears would make its way onto the hall of shame.

You have to understand, I am a person who will watch almost anything. The television set commands my attention with an almost unearthly magnetism. I will watch it no matter how boring, stupid, or repugnant just because the set is blaring. News, sports, soaps... if someone is watching it, I can't seem to pull myself away. This movie magically broke that spell. When we borrowed Goldy from our local library and tried to watch it as a family, I just got up and left less than halfway through. It was that bad.

The movie suffers from three primary shortcomings. 1. None of the "actors" can act, 2. The story is terribly weak, and 3. The pacing could put a garden snail in a coma. The overall effect seems to have been carefully crafted to produce a film that is as uninteresting as statistically possible.

If you can convince your friends to see this you might get a good laugh out of it, but I wouldn't wish it on my family members. They're blood, after all, and this movie is a slow and painful waste of a piece of their lives.

There is a tradition in my wife's family of telling an unsuspecting friend or relative of this really great children's film that they MUST watch. The movie is called "Goldy: The Last of the Golden Bears". After sitting down to watch the video, the practical joker waits to see the reaction of the unsuspecting friend or relative.

At first the viewer is surprised at the poor quality of acting, but is tolerant because, after all, it's only a children's film. As the video goes on, the viewer becomes uncomfortable with the corny dialogue and lack of plot. Then he or she begins to wonder why this video was recommended as a great children's film.

Finally, the viewer turns to the cruel practical joker and says something like, "What the hell is this? Is there something wrong with you?" At which point, all those in the know burst out laughing.

Personally, I think it's a cruel joke.