Final Justice

The MST3K print of this is, in my humble opinion, one of the funniest things they have ever done. I was on the floor. That is primarily the fault of the movie itself, though. OK, we've got a Texas "Indian" (despite the name Geronimo, which I thought was just an amusing nickname, I had no idea he was supposed to be Indian until the end). He lumbers around and when challenged, says, "You think you can take me? ....Go 'head 'on. It's your move." Possibly the stupidest catch phrase ever. The plot keeps going in the same circle - Joe Don is told by someone to let things alone, he doesn't, he manages to destroy something or someone, he is hauled back into an office of authority, lectured, and told not to do it again. Then he sneers and goes and does it again. As seems to be typical of Joe Don in these years (see Mitchell), he intentionally plays his hero as a clumsy, close-minded, stupid but dogged individual. I mean, I appreciate realism, but I don't exactly want to see my hero hit his head on ceiling posts, stumble over tables, or dribble food down his shirt. Let's leave those little enticing details of the human condition out of a two hour film. Man, this movie is packed with laughs...see it if you can, preferably MST version, but this one is so 'good bad' that you can pretty easily supply the commentary yourself, even if you don't consider yourself a renowned wit.

I can describe what I think of this movie in simple terms: a terrible movie. But that doesn't go far enough for a review. Fortunately for myself, I saw the MST version thus saving myself from any pain. This movie so deserves to be on the bottom 100 list. The dialogue to this movie is awful, much like the acting. Don't bother getting me started on the plot. Never ever see this movie unless it's the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version.

Unbelievably pointless

How many times can you watch Joe Don Baker getting up from a cell bunk? Or hear him say "Go ahead on"? Well this piece of cinematic detritus will test your endurance to the max, and chances are, perhaps, that you won't be able to make it; at least not without the cast of MST3K, who are masters at turning mere nonsense into hilarious nonsense. Not only is the alleged hero a thoroughly unlikable lout, but most of the time, when he's not bullying the stereotyped Maltese locals around, he's getting beaten up, jailed or he's making bad on promises. Plus he says "Go ahead on" alot. Annoying as hell, I tells ya. In short, complete, nigh-ineffectual jerk. He seems real good on the draw, however, thanks to bad editing and timing.

Joe Don Baker is an alright to good actor in small roles here and there...he was alright in Goldeneye and made a pretty good Bond villan in The Living Daylights and has appeared in various other movies. One thing he can't do is carry a movie as the lead, which he is in this extremely bad revenge movie set in Malta. Joe Don's partner is killed so he kills the killer's brother and escorts the killer to Italy, but some guys cause the plane to set down in Malta and the killer gets away. The rest of the movie is seeing Joe Don chase the killer here and there, Joe Don getting taken into custody various times, Joe Don torturing a bartendar and being interrupted and so on. The movie is quite bad and you won't find yourself exactly pulling for Joe Don's character. You will be amazed at how many times Joe Don the hero gets taken out by one punch and how incompetent he proves to be. The crowning part of the movie comes when Joe Don chases the killer all over Malta with the killer in a priest robe and then they get in boats and he chases them all around Malta. This movie also features one of the worst closing lines to end a movie ever.

Joe Don Baker is, in my eyes, a likeable enough lug who, like many actors, happened to grow a little older and a little thicker at a time when Hollywood had no tolerance for people who weren't under 30 and/or at least 45 percent post-consumer plastic.

So wisely, Baker decided to switch from leading man roles to character roles; the big, rough-edged but likeable and honest cop roles like Mitchell and T.J. Geronimo.

Baker's work in the late 70s and early 80s remind me of that one uncle that your parents didn't like to be around, but the kids loved and who was always the first one there to help when the family was in need.

Anyways...

"Final Justice" is probably as good a movie as one could have expected from the producers of the European and kid-with-rich-parents-and-just-out-of-film-school cheap-offs that provide MST3K with so much of their schedule. Baker was believable in his role, as was his constantly frustrated yet admiring partner.

Ladies and gentlemen, I doubt highly that Joe Don Baker looked at the script and saw it as his ticket to an E! Celebrity Profile. What he did see it as was a chance to stay busy, have fun and make a few bucks. And give him credit, he always puts his all into every film he does. How many performers can truly say the same?

As hard as the MST3K gang laugh at Joe Don baker, he gets the biggest laugh of all. Their constant slaps at him are only keeping his career alive.

If it wasn't for them, how many of you would be reviewing this movie?