- Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen: In the interest of clarity and sanity, the rest of this movie will not be in Polish.
- [Frederick, Andre, and Dobish are disguised as Hitler and two Nazi offiers]
- Lieutenant Andre Sobinski: Heil Hitler!
- Dobish: Heil Hitler!
- Frederick Bronski: Heil myself!
- Anna Bronski: [as the Nazis are searching for Sasha] First you invade Poland, then you invade Warsaw, then you invade my dressing room... you people are compulsive invaders!
- [Sasha puts on his coat to go out]
- Anna Bronski: What's that on your coat?
- Sasha: Oh, it's the newest fashion in occupied Warsaw. Jews wear yellow stars, homosexuals wear pink triangles.
- Anna Bronski: Sasha! How awful for you!
- Sasha: [quietly] I hate it.
- Anna Bronski: Now listen, they're rounding up Jews. Are they rounding up...?
- Sasha: No, no, so far, so good. Now, don't wait up for me. I've got a hot date with another triangle.
- Capt. Schultz, of Erhardt's Staff: Mrs. Bronski.
- Colonel Erhardt: Ah, Mrs. Bronski, Mrs. Bronski, Mrs. Bronski.
- Anna Bronski: We're all here.
- [Frederick returns home, having succesfully impersonated Siletski at Gestapo headquarters]
- Frederick Bronski: I did it! I did it! I gave the greatest performance of my life...
- [sinks into a chair and peels off his fake beard]
- Frederick Bronski: And nobody saw it.
- Sasha: Are you all right?
- Anna Bronski: I'm fine.
- Sasha: Then why are you on the floor?
- Anna Bronski: The Floor? I'm on the floor? I'm on the FLOOR. Well get me up.
- Frederick Bronski: [performing as Hitler in "Naughty Nazis"] What do they want from me? I'm good-natured. I'm good-hearted. I'm good-looking. Every day, I'm out there trying to make the world safe. For Germany. I don't want war. All I want is peace. Peace. Peace!
- [singing]
- Frederick Bronski: A little piece of Poland, A little piece of France, A little piece of Portugal, And Austria perchance, A little slice of Turkey, And all that that entails, Und then a piece of England, Scotland, Ireland, and Wales...
- Lieutenant Andre Sobinski: I loved that picture of you on the farm. You behind the plow. By the way, where was that?
- Anna Bronski: In the "Chronicle".
- Lieutenant Andre Sobinski: No, I mean where's the farm?
- Anna Bronski: Oh, the farm. The farm. Well, that's out of town somewhere... You know, that's where they keep them.
- Frederick Bronski: When this is allover, I'm gonna get you everything you need. You need a coat... you need a dress... you need shoes.
- [Rubbing Andre's face, thinking he's Anna]
- Frederick Bronski: and you need a shave...
- [he thinks]
- Frederick Bronski: ... a shave?
- Frederick Bronski: If we don't make it through this, I forgive you for whatever happened between you and Lt. Sobinsky... but if we do, you're in a lot of trouble!
- [holding Frederick at gunpoint]
- Prof. Siletski: Turn around.
- Frederick Bronski: I won't. I want to see it coming.
- [Siletski cocks the hammer]
- Frederick Bronski: [turns around] I don't have to see it coming.
- Anna Bronski: [about the new poster] Look, I don't mind my name in smaller print. I don't even mind it under the title. But in PARENTHESES?
- Dr. Frederick Bronski: I like it. It sets your name apart.
- Anna Bronski: Well, set yours apart.
- Nazi officer: You are sitting in Col. Erhardt's chair.
- Anna Bronksi: Oh, how silly of me. Ten minutes ago it was my chair.
- Anna Bronski: They say its going to be a really cold winter.
- Capt. Schultz, of Erhardt's Staff: I don't know anyzing about zat!
- Colonel Erhardt: [referring to Capt. Schultz] I've always suspected zumzing wrong vit a man who does not drink or shmoke...
- Frederick Bronski: You mean like our FUHRER?
- Colonel Erhardt: Yes... NO!
- Colonel Erhardt: Cigar? Cigarette? Chocolate-covered nugats?
- Frederick Bronski: Chocolate-covered what?
- Colonel Erhardt: Nugats!
- [Squishing one in his fingers]
- Frederick Bronski: No. Thank you.
- [Infuriated at Sobinski leaving the audience in the middle of his soliloquy, Frederick starts delivering the rest of his lines with uncharacteristic fire]
- Ravitch: [watching from offstage] What happened? He's good tonight.
- Anna Bronski: All these flowers on a Lieutenant's pay, you shouldn't have.
- Lieutenant Andre Sobinski: That's OK. My father is a florist.
- Colonel Earhardt: Vat do you mean you haven't got proof? Dat is no excuse! Arrezt zem! Vat? Vere? Vy? VEN? From now on, ven in doubt, arrezt zem! Arrezt zem! Arrezt zem! Arrezt zem! Zen shoot zem and interrogate zem! Oh, you are right, just shoot zem!
- Frederick Bronski: [disguised as Prof. Siletski] Remember, Erhardt, I'm going to see the Fuhrer tonight. Who knows *what* we'll talk about!
- [Anne has revealed another group of refugees to Frederick]
- Frederick Bronski: More! What are they, Jews or rabbits?
- Colonel Earhardt: Would you think it be too forward of me if I were to propose a little champagne supper after the command performance this evening?
- Anna Bronski: Oh, I'd love to. But I'm already having a candlelight dinner with Professor Siletski.
- Colonel Earhardt: Is there any chance we could maybe have a little supper after dinner?
- Anna Bronski: Oh, I'm so sorry. I never sup after I dine.
- [Frederick, disguised as Hitler, bursts in on Erhardt trying to assault Anna]
- Colonel Erhardt: [weakly] Heil Hit... Hit... Hit...
- Anna Bronski: Hitler.
- Colonel Erhardt: Hitler.
- Frederick Bronski: Heil.
- Anna Bronski: I tried to tell him somebody big was coming.
- Colonel Erhardt: Big! But...
- Frederick Bronski: Come schatze, ve're late.
- [Anna exits, but Frederick turns back to Erhardt]
- Frederick Bronski: Vat's your name?
- Colonel Erhardt: Colonel Er... Er... Er...
- [sticking her head back in]
- Anna Bronski: Erhardt.
- Colonel Erhardt: Thank you.
- Frederick Bronski: Erhardt? Erhardt? Aren't you the one who makes that joke about my becoming... A PICKLE?
- [He leaves, slamming the door. Erhardt moans]
- [Frederick has to stall Prof. Siletski while the others rush back to his hotel room to search it]
- Frederick Bronski: Just don't keep me hanging much longer, I stink without a script!
- Lupinsky: [under his breath] He stinks with a script.
- Frederick Bronski: I heard that!
- Capt. Schultz, of Erhardt's Staff: [SPOILER] Colonel, Professor Siletski's on the phone!
- Colonel Erhardt: Professor Siletski? You didn't tell him he was dead?
- Colonel Erhardt: [Referring to Bronski in the next room] Relax, Schultz! Zis iz ze intellectual approach...
- Capt. Schultz, of Erhardt's Staff: And what if he's not an intellectual?
- Colonel Erhardt: [referring to the two SS officers nearby] Zen zey'll break every bone in his body!
- Frederick Bronski: [Disguised as Siletski] Remember, Earhardt, I'm going to see the Furher tonight - who knows *what* we'll talk about!
- [Frederick, disguised as Professor Siletski, has to go to Gestapo Headquarters]
- Frederick Bronski: Listen, sweetheart, if I don't come back, then I forgive you for anything that happened between you and Lt. Sobinski.
- [He opens the door to leave, but turns back]
- Frederick Bronski: But if I do come back, you're in a lot of trouble!
- Anna Bronski: Oh, but that's enough talk about me. Let's talk about you. How'd you like me in the first act?
- Dr. Boyarski: We cannot allow you to ridicule the leaders of the Third Reich. It's too risky.
- Frederick Bronski: Let me tell you something, Dr. Boyarski. The curtain's going up again - and we're gonna finish that number. We are *not* backing down!
- Dr. Boyarski: Then we are closing this theatre.
- Frederick Bronski: We're backing down! Strike the sets!
- Frederick Bronski: That's politics! That's their business! *We* are in the theatre. That's our business.
- Frederick Bronski: You get two bouquets of roses and I get to watch.
- Anna Bronski: Well, I have to get some appreciation.
- Anna Bronski: What do you do for fun?
- Lieutenant Andre Sobinski: I fly a bomber.
- Anna Bronski: That's fun?
- Lieutenant Andre Sobinski: Oh, yes. Yes! There's nothing like it. I climb into the cockpit, I strapped myself in, and from the moment those engines start to rev up, I'm in another world. First, they sputter. They hum. Then they thunder. The plane starts to move forward, taxing down the runway. Slowly, at first. Then, faster and aster, until the world becomes a blur, rushing by at incredible speed. My tail starts to rise! And now, the roar of the engines becomes deafening. The plane begins to vibrate, pushing with all its might to break free of the earth. Then, all of the sudden, I'm off the ground! Thrusting. Upward, upward into the sky. Flying higher and higher until I feel like I can touch the sun! Would you like to see my bomber?
- Sasha: Yes!
- Anna Bronski: Sasha, are you suggesting that I have a cheap rendezvous with Lieutenant what's-his-name while my husband's out there on stage acting his heart out?
- Sasha: Yes.
- Anna Bronski: Well, alright. But remember, you said it.
- Anna Bronski: Andre, oh listen, let's think this out. Now, if we tell him now, all we'll do is hurt him. Oh, look, I know what you're feeling and I know what *I'm* feeling and if those feelings *grow* and if they get *deeper* and deeper and if we find ourselves hopelessly in love with each other - then we'll hurt him.