I predatori di Atlantide

From the director of Cannibal Holocaust and the Barbarian Brothers, Ruggero Deodato, comes this Italian action rip-off. These types of movies have a nostalgic feel for me, especially this one. It reminds me of the old mom & pop video stores, before Blockbuster. The action movie section would be filled with row upon row of movies like this one. These would be all the movies I'd love to see but couldn't. C grade movies with B grade video cases. The video cases always looked like some fantasy artist just did the movie poster. The covers would rarely live up to the actual movie, but we could hope. Nowadays, the same type of movies have horrible covers to boot. I am not sure when this developed, but I think it has to do with the ready availability of Photoshop and computers. Now on to the movie.

Miami, Florida 1994.

It actually looks more like Miami, Florida 1984, but who's counting. Over a Super Fuzz like disco theme song, we get the Circle Line tour of Miami via water and air. Two guys (we later find out these are our "heroes") break in through the front door of a house, commit several acts of murder, assault and one act of kidnapping. They escape through the front of the house. We never get any real background on the two men other than the following : Mike (played by a leathery-looking Christopher Connelly) and Washington (but please call him by his new name, Mohammed) are ex-military privateers/mercenaries. The initial mission they were on was for someone called the "Colonel". After getting paid for their services, they are off to Trinidad on a boat for R&R.

At the same time, an attractive Dr. Rollins (Gioia Scola - another veteran of Lucio Fulci's Conquest) is forcibly transported via helicopter to a military research platform at 68 N - 28 W (middle of the ocean) to investigate a crazy artifact that was found when a Russian sub crashed. The artifact is reportedly 12,000 years old. She deduces that the artifact is a "Rosetta stone" for Atlantis, using a pair of tweezers, a small magnifying glass and a slide show. As they attempt to bring the submarine to surface, a giant storm breaks loose which sinks the platform. Also a "model of an island in a plastic bubble" apparently rises from the ocean. Mike and Washington (I mean Mohammed) rescue the survivors of the platform, including the attractive Dr. Rollins. At this point the cabin boy, Manuel, has a minor freak out and jumps ship.

The crew end up back on land and they discover a city that has been totally devastated. It was caused by a group of rejects from the Auto and Gun shows that dress like an offshoot of the Village People's leather guy, with lots of shimmery golden makeup and crazy haircuts. Their leader wears a transparent skull mask, leather vest and neck guard and carries a riding crop (even though he rides in a 50's Ford with the Ben-Hur modification to the wheels). At first he just attacks, but later he reveals the plot.

Apparently they are Atlanteans and they're back. These xenophobic Atanteans are on a Greenpeace mission to kill everyone (except 1 person) and reclaim all that was theirs. It took 52 minutes to find out what this movie was about, but better late than never. We then get Assault on Drug Store 13. Somehow the Atlanteans kidnap Dr. Rollins and it's up to our wrinkly hero to rescue her. How do we do this ??

Step 1 : Commandeer a bus.

Step 2 : Blow up a helicopter from the bus.

Step 3 : Run over the bad guys.

Step 4 : Commandeer a military helicopter.

Step 5 : Fly to Atlantis.

Step 6 : Rescue (involving lots of killing and puzzle solving)

This movie is predictable, once you figure out what's going on. That is only a matter of time since the plot is quite simple. You can expect the typical B/C grade movie pyrotechnics (feels like we're watching the A-Team or something), point and click gun fights (noone aims), models of vehicles and buildings, and the gratuitous dummy kill (a.k.a. close up kill shot).

All the things I've said should not distract you from this laugh-fest. It is quite enjoyable, when not taken seriously. This is never a problem because everyone involved seems to know what kinda of bucket everyone is standing in and its not full of bananas.

-Celluloid Rehab

Raiders of the Lost Ark ripoff, crossed with a Mad Max ripoff, and a disaster/ horror movie ripoff, with sunken artifacts ripped off and thrown in for added randomness.

An incomprehensible mish mash of strange ideas and action vignettes, this has a sudden hurricane(?) sinking the oil rig carrying scientists who are attempting raise a Russian sub from the ocean floor. After being picked up by a trio of thieves on a boat, they stumble onto the mythical island of Atlantis (raised by the radiation of the Russian nuclear sub(? again)) and its violent, biker gang inhabitants. Who even knew there were bikers on Atlantis? After being attacked by said violent biker gang inhabitants, the group breaks into the island's conveniently heavily armed, abandoned police force, and declare war.

Things get even more confusing after that, but that's irrelevant. There's no sense in even trying to decipher the story, because it's obvious that there isn't one, they were just making it up as they go along. The purpose of this movie was clearly just the action, and there's plenty of that: they're making their getaway on a stolen bus when a helicopter filled with Atlantis' biker gang launch an attack. But our heros don't bother to shoot the helicopter. Instead, they let the thugs jump out of it and onto the roof of the van, where a fistfight ensues not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES, before they climb out of the windows and onto the roof of this moving bus to shoot the helicopter. The bus crashes though a barricade and barely makes contact with two other cars, but they immediately explode and burst into a ball of flames.

And there's that stone statue thingie that shoots lasers out of its glowing red eyes.

This can actually be fun, if you turn your mind completely off, and enjoy its absurdities, hilariously awful (and completely nonsensical) dialogue, and overly dramatic death scenes; many of the deaths are accompanied by yells of "Ay ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

A disclaimer in the closing credits reads: "All events and characters depicted in this photoplay are imaginary and any resemblance to actual persons and events is unintentional and purely coincidental". Imaginary?

Ruggero Deodato's 1983 classic is one of the most entertaining B movies I have ever seen, the story might be out there, but this is one film where the actors and action drive the narrative. Christopher Connelly and Tony King make a great double act and director Deodato was obviously having a good time directing something more entertaining than his previous film THE HOUSE ON THE EDGE OF THE PARK. Find this film and enjoy, because they don't make them like this anymore!

This film is in a league of it's own: I won't bother to re-state what every other person has already posted regarding the plot. Needless to say it makes no sense what-so-ever in the big scheme of things, but there is plenty of violence and preposterous characters such as the "Crystal Skull" liven things up no end. The best line in the whole film has to be "We can't move; we're immobilised" (by an invisible force field), so how come he can still move his jaw to speak? As I say ultimately in a league of it's own and one of the best examples of how practically any script was considered during the 80's as a potential blockbuster!

This is one of the dumbest Italian films I've ever watched, but don't let that put you off – It's brilliant! The plot, what there is of it, concerns the ancient lost island of Atlantis somehow being brought up from the sea bed by the radiation from a sunken nuclear sub, causing either the Atlaneans or local humans to turn into Mad Max style killers and before you know it you've got everything being destroyed and everyone being killed – but don't worry. We've got a list of Italian exploitation vets out there willing to pick up a machine gun and blow these mental sub-aquatic upstarts to hell.

You've got mercenaries Christopher Connolly (Strike Commando) and Tony King (The Last Hunter), professor George Hilton (Devil with Seven Faces), pilot Ivan Rassimov (Eaten Alive) dubbed by Nick Alexander (every Italian movie ever) in a double whammy of greatness, Michele Soavi (Blade in the Dark) and even Mike Monty (Zombi 3). These are the folks I'd be calling if the apocalypse loomed (even though at least four of them are no longer with us)! The head bad guy? Bruce Baron of The Ultimate Ninja fame! I'm getting faint just typing all that out.

After meeting up on Connolly's boat after some lab is destroyed in a storm, our heroes head for the mainland and from then on it's a toe to toe battle with our ridiculous looking antagonists involving shotguns, loads of petrol bombs, machine guns and even some electrical wire (which chops off some guy's head).

I love the way that Connolly and co lay waste to hundreds of Atlanteans over the course of the last hour of the film. Sure, he's no good at protecting people, especially when he promises three scared people they'll be fine shortly before they're all killed, but I reckon he was just fobbing them off anyway as they were distracting him from mowing down dozens of bad guys. There's a slim plot about a lady who can decipher all these languages getting drawn to Atlantis in some plot to free the Atlanteans (which confused me regarding who all the bad guys were), but just strap yourself in a let the contant sound of gunfire roll over you.

I said this film was dumb, and I mean it. Soavi's character states at one point, when they're all trapped in a building, that he's going to scout around for a way out, then he walks out the front door and gets captured. Check out the Atlanteans – their costumes are like rejects from the Bronx Warriors! And what's with the echoey voices? And what purpose does it serve to have Tony King's character as a recent convert to Islam? It's this kind of stuff that draws me back to Italian films again and again.

It's a Ruggero Deodato film, so there are fleeting bits of gore (decapitations, a woman being shot through the mouth with an arrow etc), and this is so much more a guilty free pleasure than Cannibal Holocaust – no animal cruelty here, thankfully. Get in! I loved this one.