Hercules

Well what can you say? It was silly. Unintentional of course. However this kitsch-like presentation works because of how cheap and ludicrous it is. Some things have got to be seen to be believed and this 80s take on "Hercules" has plenty in store. One sequence just sticks in mind, other than that meaninglessly grand opening. Hercules taking on a vicious bear. Cool! However how it's executed had me snickering. Actual bear footage spliced together with someone donning a very convincing bear suit. How to end it. The bear suit being flung into outer-space. It's just part of the tragedy that occurs… you know for dramatic effect.

"Hercules" is a low-grade, straight-laced good vs. evil sword and sorcery epic mainly consisting of echoing voices, tacky optical FX, colourful decors (sometimes miniatures) with moody lighting and some atmospheric illustrations / confrontations. The production did drum up some striking images amongst it's cheap sets / effects, but despite that it wasn't principally all that creative in presenting the material. How it plays out, is like a cosmic chest game between the gods. Hercules (the champion of men) must rescue a princess from being sacrificed and encounters obstacles along the way. Some odd moments (like the tin-bot monsters) and lame dialogues. Lou Ferrigno as Hercules has the physic, constantly flexing and twitching his muscles. Wooden, but fitting. William Berger milks it up in the villain role and Sybil Danning looks fetching, but has bite with her villainous turn. Brad Harris and Mirella D'Angelo also appear. Pino Donaggio scores the bombastic soundtrack. Director Lugi Cozzi does a clunky job, but keeps it moving along at a smooth pace. Ham-fisted, but charming entertainment.

Luigi Cossi who brought us the rather splendid, gut exploding opus, Contamination, here delivers the tale of the mightiest man who ever lived - Hercules! Interestingly however, despite the rather splendid Greek mythology at hand, Cossi instead opts for a bizarre sci-fi themed version of events involving robot monsters and Gods in space(!) Um....anyway, moving swiftly on, our eponymous hero is played here by none other than the awesomely ripped Lou (The Hulk) Ferrigno who proceeds to show us exactly just how mighty he is by throwing a bear into space(!) and breaking sword blades mounted on chariot wheels on his manly thighs(!) Woah!!! What a man!!!!

Quite rightly highly regarded in bad movie circles, this is to put it mildly, something of a bloody mess. Still, on a positive note the ladies here are all truly mouth watering to behold, including the ever sexy Sybil Danning......mmmmmmm!!!!!!!!! Hell, more than reason enough to at least have a watch me thinks.

Italian cinema had featured musclemen heroes as early as 1912's QUO VADIS (Ursus) and 1914's CABIRIA (Maciste) before making them truly their own and, by turns, seemingly invincible or buffoonish caricatures during the heyday of the peplum cycle around 1954-65. This, then, is yet a later variation clearly sparked by the recent spate of Hollywoodian mythological epics like CLASH OF THE TITANS (1981) and CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1981) but giving the old formula a new twist by sprinkling it with a dash of special effects wizardry a' la the STAR WARS saga! This shouldn't come as all that surprising when one realizes that its director is best-known for the infamous STAR WARS (1977) rip-off, STARCRASH (1979) – although, to be fair to him, he is also responsible for one of the unsung gems in the giallo canon, THE KILLER MUST KILL AGAIN (1975) and, at least, one other highly intriguing (and very rare) movie, TUNNEL UNDER THE WORLD (1969) which was also his directorial debut. Ironically, however, Cozzi only took over the assignment (from original director Bruno Mattei) when the producers were dissatisfied with the box office performance of the latter's previous film for them, THE SEVEN MAGNIFICENT GLADIATORS (1983)!

Anyway, although I clearly recall watching this version of HERCULES (and its sequel; see below) on Italian TV at Christmas time in the late 1980s, the details of it all were so hazy in my mind that I virtually remembered nothing of the narrative other than that Hercules gets to do battle with several mechanical monsters and that there was a lot of footage of stars and planets and the like. Indeed, the film starts with a lengthy, potentially heretical prologue about the start of creation which, apparently, had everything to do with Zeus and the rest of the Greek gods colonizing the moon eons before the Russians did (by way of ultracheesy visual and sound effects) and nothing at all to do with…but this is not the right place to start debating the existence of God or otherwise – lest this review gets confused with another anti-THE GOLDEN COMPASS (2007) argument!

TV's THE INCREDIBLE HULK and former "Mr. Universe" Lou Ferrigno certainly looks the part of the mightiest man alive but, unfortunately, can't act a lick and rarely changes his facial expression throughout the generous 100 minutes of screen time! He is abetted by a lovely Cassiopea (Ingrid Anderson – whose first and only film this was before going briefly into TV and then quitting for good!) and sultry villainess Sybil Danning and the supporting cast features a decent roster of both veteran and nascent Euro-Cult figures like ex-peplum beefcake Brad Harris, William Berger (as Hercules' No. 1 nemesis, King Minos), Claudio Cassinelli (as Zeus, Hercules' creator here – out of pure light, no less! – rather than his natural father), former Helen Of Troy Rossana Podesta' (her penultimate film, playing the rebellious deity Hera), Gianni Garko and Eva Robbins (as Berger's enigmatic scientific acolyte, with an unbelievably campy costume to match).

Once one accepts the film's bizarre notion of setting the old Greek legends in outer space, this gets to be a veritable "so bad it's fun" show which possibly has few peers: an elaborately staged (relatively speaking), bloodthirsty coup d'etat early on comes to naught when the tyrant is never seen again in the rest of the movie!; Zeus's giant hand emerges from within a waterfall to catch Baby Hercules in his tiny boat inside which, however, are two snake-like creatures whom the infant soon squeezes the life right out of!; Hercules is adopted (in full-on Clark Kent fashion) by a family of simple folk and he is soon farming the fields single-handed via unwieldy contraptions but, when his putative father gets mauled by a grizzly bear, our Herculean hero gets so upset that he hurls the beast straight out into orbit and instant immortality as one of the stars in the constellation (I kid thee not)!; next up are a trio of mechanical assailants which, however, expire even before one gets to have a real good look at them (which is just as well, I guess as, otherwise, one starts to wonder why the weapon Hercules uses to dispatch one of the monsters looks suspiciously like a modern-day giant anchor)!; then Hercules tries his hand at a jousting tournament wherein he holds a dozen contestants simultaneously with their backs to the wall by means of a giant log which, once it serves its purpose in gaining him the championship title, also gets hurled into outer space!; later, Hercules sets his eyes on the veiled Cassiopeia and, to prove his worthiness, he cleans up the dilapidated stables (housing a thousand stallions we're told) with the aid of a nearby flowing river! I don't have time to go into all the other labyrinthine trials Hercules goes through before meeting up with King Minos for a hilarious confrontation with lightsabre-like swords but, in case you were wondering who was responsible for dividing Earth into the various continents, enquire no further! Oh, and he does get to ride a horseless chariot, too – by roping a rock and throwing it as far as...well, 'tis Hercules we're talking about after all!

This Italian-made would-be epic – which also features a suitably rousing Pino Donaggio score – was a Cannon Group production (namely Israeli film-makers Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus) and followed hot on the heels of the similar THE SEVEN MAGNIFICENT GLADIATORS (my memories of which are even more lost within my subconscious) which reunites Ferrigno, Danning and Harris from HERCULES; the latter must not have done too badly at the box office because other films of its ilk came in its wake: not just the sequel but also SWORD OF THE VALIANT (1984), THE BARBARIANS (1987), MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE (1987) and the troubled SINBAD OF THE SEVEN SEAS (1989; also with Ferrigno).

This movie is HILARIOUS!! The acting is terrible,the plot is non-existent , and the special effects are laughable.Any hint of ACTUAL mythology was chucked out the window...and THANK THE GODS!! Whats left is a movie so completely off the wall and mindless that I laughed the whole way through. I mean, did you SERIOUSLY think that a movie with THIS cast would be stellar..NO!! You know going into it that the movie is gonna suck, you expect it , and this film delivers. THIS MOVIE TAKES YOU TO LEVELS OF SUCK THAT FEW DARE EXPLORE!!! Hercules ,god bless him,actually THROWS a bear into outer space. Thats right!! It's that wrong...but it feels so right.This is definately MST3K quality viewing.TWO thumbs way up...

I loved this movie, as well as Lou's Sinbad. One of my favorite features of the movie was the "dialog of the nod." If you watch most of the expository scenes you'll see the camera close-up is on the listener, not the speaker. So what you get visually is the reaction of the non-speaking actor. This seemed very consistent through the movie.

I figured this trick was use to make dubbing in any language possible without bothering to lip-sync. But once you notice, it get pretty hilarious.

The sound effects when Hercules throws the bear into space (it bounces around to the sound of a pinball machine) is another great cinematic moment; we watched this one scene half a dozen times, laughing our heads off.