Mitchell

Unlike Hunter Felt, I don't think Baker, Balsam (an Oscar winner for "A Thousand Clowns"), Evans, and Saxon are a second-rate cast. But this movie was so bad it got thoroughly and hilariously skewered by "Mystery Science Theater 3000", which was the version I watched. (Example: "Hey, Alan Gibbs played the Mustang Hood!" "Yeah? Who played the headlights?") If you never saw a car fix itself in the middle of a chase scene, you might want to watch this late one night after getting really drunk.

Awful. Gloriously, fabulously awful. My-my-my-my goodness this was a piece of work... If the hideousness of this movie had been intentional, I doubt it would be so amazingly funny. I laughed so hard I almost passed out. What I wouldn't give for "Mitchell 2: the Geritol Years."

Mitchell the cop is a slobby, beer guzzling, mass eating, uncharismatic cop who taunts children by stooping to their level, sleeps with his prostitute girlfriend (Linda Evans? Why?) and busts her when done (Community service, I guess?), and somehow, in God's mercy I suppose, nabs the bad guy at the end of the film. What a hero. What a guy.

Take all that, add a lame, one-dimensional bad guy and equally as weak supporting characters, a bland "been there too many times, even for the '70's" plot, and an unforgettable theme song "My, my, my, my Mitchell", and you have this movie. Joe Don Baker's cinematic opus.

Yet this film makes me laugh every time. Simply put: This movie is a hoot.

Then again, I could never watch this film without the "Mystery Science Theater 3000" treatment. Even I don't have that much self-loathing. I could see why Joel would jump ship after this one. It's a completely ridiculous film, but it remains in my video library. Maybe it's the Johnny Mathis look-alike villain, maybe because it's the bane of all that is considered good taste. One of the few films that I can somehow manage to simultaneously almost kind of recommend, yet warn people to stay away from like the plague. That's the kind of movie "Mitchell" is. Check it out for yourself. Or not.

I had watched "Mitchell" many many times on MST3K and had basically memorized the entire show out of love. One day my brother and I were talking about a local diner/bowling alley in Woodland Hills, California -- "Woodlake Bowl" -- and we were remarking how much our dad liked it and how it wasn't what it once was. My brother said, "You know who I see whenever I go there? Joe Don Baker." I was thrilled to hear this but next time I went to the Woodlake Bowl for lunch with my Dad, I wasn't thinking I'd see Joe Don. It was a rainy day and as I exited my car and waited for my Dad to get out of the passenger side, an aged Datsun 240Z with cracked and fading paint pulled up in the spot next to mine. I started walking in a minute or so later and then I heard from behind me - in an unmistakable boomy Texas drawl: "YOUR HEADLIGHTS IS ON." I turned around to stare Joe Don face-to-face! I was starstruck, like I had met Brad Pitt or Marilyn Monroe or something. It was raining and Joe Don was in a long coat and droopy hat. And yes, he said "is on", not "are on"! I thanked him and he went on his way. I couldn't help but think of his face and of MST3K's description of him: "A melting bear". It was spot-on. As I walked past his rust-bucket 240Z, I couldn't help but have a peek inside. I remember the interior was just as bad as the exterior and he had a lot of softball equipment under the hatchback. I sort of imagined Joe Don as a little-league softball coach at that point and for all I know he is! But overall I was left with the feeling he was a lonely bachelor type who ate meals alone at a divey diner every day and drove a junkbox of a car -- hey, sounds like Mitchell! But seriously, I felt he is too much maligned as he seemed like a melancholy but nice guy. You go, Joe Don!

While this film is undeniably bad, one can't help but respect the filmmakers for trying something new. Movie cops are usually strong, resourceful, quick-thinking and quick-acting. They don't usually play by the rules, but they get the job done. They're usually played by attractive, young, popular actors that people like, and usually get the classiest ladies. Now, take a look at MITCHELL. MITCHELL stars Joe Don Baker as Mitchell, a cop who fits none of the above, "cookie-cutter" prerequisite stereotypes. Mitchell is fat. Mitchell is sloppy. He's an alcoholic. His apartment is filthy and littered with porn. The only woman he can get is a prostitute, and he treats her like a lowly dog. Mitchell is stupid. He's incompetant. The only way he gets any crimes solved is purely by accident, and because the villains in the movie overestimate him. Joe Don Baker is not a hot young actor. He's not popular and he's not good looking. So, kudos to the filmmakers! Way to break down barriers.