The Giant Spider Invasion

I try to watch this movie every year or so. It reminds me of my youth when I didn't have any preconceived notions about what a film should or shouldn't be. A time when I had total suspension of disbelief.

I remember when my ten-year-old eyes first caught a glance at the greatest horror movie poster that ever hung in the hallowed foyer of our local movie theatre, The D&R in Aberdeen, Washington. The poster featured a gargantuan spider bearing down on a group of terrified people. Suspended in the air above the monster were three helicopters and lying crumpled at the spider's legs were a couple of burning cars while spotlights filled the sky. One of the terrified was a busty young blonde wearing only a negligee. I was sold.

Every kid in town must have seen the `coming soon' poster because the next day in school all halls were abuzz with nervous anticipation of what was going to be the greatest cinematic experience of our young lives: THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION! Our local newspaper (The Daily World) had a beautiful half-page advertisement featuring the glorious poster art. I cut it out and hung it on the refrigerator so my mom wouldn't forget.

After a torturous week of school, the opening day finally arrived. Packs of kids, with parents in tow, rushed to secure a place in line at the D&R. The line wrapped around the block. Aberdeen hadn't seen this much excitement since Jaws played there the previous year.

Once inside the lobby, ushers showered the crowd with little black plastic spiders. Kids scrambled everywhere – clawing and climbing over each other to get their hands on these rare collector's items. I snagged a few off the ground and then rushed into the theatre to secure a seat for my Mom, my brother and me.

The theatre was filled to capacity. Those who did not make it in for the first show were forced to wait until the 9:00 p.m. show. Back in the seventies there were only two show times during the weekdays: 7:00p.m. and 9:00p.m. It was truly Darwin's `survival of the fittest' in action.

At precisely 7:00p.m., the theatre grew dark and the screen was illuminated with the coming attraction: Squirm! The theatre was filled with whoops and screams as slime-coated killer worms with fangs tore into flesh, but soon a collective kid-groan could be heard as the rating `R' flashed after the preview. Thankfully, our attention was focused off the fact that most of our parents would not permit us to see the `R' rated film when the title: The Giant Spider Invasion filled the screen.

For the next 85 minutes, we were treated to a town exposed to a `miniature' black hole' that creates a `space warp' inviting in alien-spiders that grow to mammoth proportions. The film really delivered the goods! A grungy farmer discovers a half-eaten body whose rib-cage is partially exposed, a girl comes out of the shower baring her breasts and, in a glorious shower of blood, the spiders suck up a couple of people into their puckered-festering mouths! Cries of horror and disbelief could be heard throughout the auditorium. A couple of ushers had to remove a bawling friend of mine after he saw the partially eaten remains of one of the victims – too much for his delicate sensibilities. I sat transfixed. This was the greatest movie ever made. The next day, I dragged a few of my friends to watch the matinee – we stayed for the remaining showings and returned the following day. The movie played in Aberdeen for only a week, but I must have seen it a dozen times.

Years later, I found The Giant Spider Invasion at a video store and immediately purchased it. I watched it with the same glee I did back in 1975 and the fond memories I held came flooding back.

Watching it now I chuckle as Alan `The Skipper' Hale delivers lines like, `He's a strange man and he's building up a big head of steam.' But, seeing the spiders, which seemed so real back in the good old D&R, crawl over the beautiful Wisconsin countryside, still gives me a small thrill. Even though it's obvious the spiders are badly made up VW Beetles, it still takes me back to a time when all movies I watched were magical.

There were giants in those days.

A black hole hits northern Wisconsin and opens a door to other dimensions. Giant 15-meter spiders emerge from it, who have an appetite for human flesh! Dr. Jenny Langer and Dr. Vance from "the NASA" try to save the world.

First, I must confess it was a huge oversight on my part not to have seen this film sooner. As a fan of "bad movies" and a Wisconsin resident, I should have watched this many years ago. But, I just never did. Sorry, Bill Rebane, you cantankerous old coot.

That being said, this is not a bad film. I mean, you know, it is far from a good film. But the acting is actually quite good, and it is immensely entertaining, which counts for a lot. Is the lighting atrocious? Yes. Are the giant spiders a bit cheesy? Certainly. And there are sound issues. But at its heart, this is a fun creature feature and one I could enjoy on repeat viewings, which is more than I can say for most turkeys.

The first time I saw this movie was on an episode of MST3K. From the greasy hick to the doctor from Nassau (NASA) this film has it all (wrong, that is)! I couldn't stop laughing when they finally showed the 'giant spider' that looked like a high school homecoming float. I would recommend this movie to anyone with a lot of time and patience. I only wish they used microphones. It sounded like Thomas Edison was the sound man through part of it. Try and see the MST3K take on this movie. you will die laughing!

Meteor lands on Wisconsin farm, opening up a black hole that unleashes giant spiders into a hick community!!

Oh boy. Legendary horror cheese filmed in Wisconsin by B movie director Bill Rebane is the perfect example of a film that's so bad it's good! The Giant Spider Invasion is best remembered as the movie in which a VW Beetle was used for the monster spiders! The special FX consists of live tarantulas, unconvincing puppets, and of course those VW's complete with long furry legs. Between those amusing FX, a ridiculous premise, and some funny dialog this cheap horror film never has a dull moment.

Yet as poor as the quality of the film is the cast (which has a number of veteran actors) isn't that bad. In a way it's their serious, well semi-serious, performances that make the occurrences even more humorous.

The Giant Spider Invasion is one of the most unintentionally hilarious horror films ever made and whether you like it or not, you can't deny that it's entertaining! A definite must-see for fans of campy B horror.

** 1/2 out of ****

Bill Rebane is in the directors' chair for this endearingly tacky 1970s continuation of 1950s monster movie themes. It's the kind of thing that you simply have to see for yourself. It may not be "Them!" or even "Tarantula", but its sincerity combined with its utter schlockiness makes it pretty hard to resist. The special effects (yes, this viewer knew going in that the titular creature was "played" by a car) are just as wonderfully absurd as a person could want. Most of the actors put on their best poker faces, which only makes the silliness of the proceedings that much more enjoyable.

Somehow or other, a black hole has opened up a path, on Earth, to another dimension, and from it emerge geodes that give birth to tarantulas, as well as one enormous mother of a super tarantula that rampages to the best of its ability. Among those trying to figure out the cause of the creatures' existence, and the means of destroying it, are scientists J.R. Vance (Steve Brodie) and Jenny Langer (Barbara Hale).

It's the lack of quality filmmaking in rural productions like this (it's set and filmed in Wisconsin) that makes them quality entertainment. "The Giant Spider Invasion" does not disappoint, and lives up to its reputation. What's even more amazing is that veterans such as Brodie and Hale roped their families into participating: Brodies' son Kevin plays young newspaperman Dave Perkins, and Hales' husband Bill Williams plays the barman Dutch. Character actor and dialect coach Robert Easton, who wrote the dopey script with producer Richard L. Huff, co-stars as thick headed farmer Dan Kester. Alan Hale Jr. portrays our obligatory lawman character, and he offers the most blatantly comedic performance out of anyone here, jovially hamming it up at every turn. "The Skipper" references his most famous role and even breaks the fourth wall. Diane Lee Hart ("Cannonball"), Leslie Parrish ("Crash!"), and Christiane Schmidtmer ("The Big Doll House") also appear.

This one is a good deal of fun, and it's not surprising to read that Stephen King is a fan.

Five out of 10.