Seven

This is the guy movie of guy movies. Lots of unnecessarily topless women, tough guys, dad jokes, and bang bang you're dead action.

The plot is a group of bad guys of the type who have BAD GUY stamped on their drivers license facing off against a one man army and his buddy Cowboy who rides in on a pony.

There's a persistent voice over who tells a complex, intricate plot. It has nothing to do with the onscreen action, but it would probably make for an interesting movie if acted out. The plot onscreen is very simple and easy to follow.

Many of the scenes feel spliced in from another movie, with different actors delivering action or comedic beats unrelated to our story. They're kind of like commercials except they're fun.

Everything looks and sounds seventies and at times sixties, which adds to the amusement.

Seven stars for seven.

Has this movie got everything. God awful sexy women in bikinis, explosions, violence, stunts, and humor. It also has some of the baddest dudes you'll ever see. They're an elite cartel, and they're not idiots. The people, remorseless, if anyone is, know their work. But so do the seven agents out to stop them where in no less thirty minutes, their objectives must die. Clearly the best actor here is golden oldie, William Smith, as most of the others suck. Smith plays Drew Savanno. Just see how this guy lives, and you'll understand, why so many other people feel so angered, the way they have it. Drew, the head of this group, is the one that picks the others, and they're really an odd kettle of fish, hot, funny, smart, and deadly. We have the blackbelt, the cowboy and his lovely assistant, who looks so hot in a bikini, the drag racer, the other hottie, who's a real tease, again deadly. We have the musician, who's style of comedy sucks. And my favorite, the professor, a playboy type and a genius. Who else could design a rocket when fired miles away, could take out the baddie in a the car park of one of his favorite coffee houses. The prof scores with a hot waitress who works there, who has a tube of candy paste on hand, if ever caught in lovemaking. Seven never dulls. It's a smart thriller, as in the way the baddies are taken out, the limo explosion at the gas station, out yonder where the whole place goes up in flames, just proving horse shoes have other uses. I like the baddie on the skateboard, known as skater, who's like comic amusement for this cartel, deadly with a spear gun. You can't fault the plot, as in the ways things happen. It's tighter than a fishes bum. The blow up doll that emerges out of a doctors bag when opened at customs, the professor telling the customs guy to put her on the next plane, is one of my favorite parts. A young customs woman looks outways after him, as says, "Too much", as if stoned. But these words could almost describe this movie, it's encouraging cover with Smith holding a spear gun, and those hotties flanking him, is enough to suck you in. Seven is a cool action movie, but on a smart scale, and one movie that shouldn't be overlooked.

I just want to say that since 1979 when I first saw this movie I have been searching for it to buy. I loved everything about it at the time and still think the campy feel to it was what made me remember it so easily. I remembered the stars, the director, and the plot line. Very cheesy but if you love that in an older movie you will really like this. So if I ever find this movie be sure I will add it to my collection.

Good old Andy Sidaris.

You can always count on his movies for a little action, a little intrigue and...say it with me...a little skin.

Flicks like "Seven", for example. This one features a covert team led by William "Big Bill" Smith who is out to kill off the baddies threatening the peace-loving government of Hawaii. Of course, there's always plenty of time to show some dynamic women in all their glory along with the maiming and killing.

But if your movie diet consists of films of this ilk, you could do a lot worse than "Seven". In fact, a lot worse.

TIDBIT - This movie features the famous gag seen a couple of years later in "Raiders of the Lost Ark", where a guy is beset by a swordsman and simply draws a gun and shoots the blade-wielding baddie dead. Not bad.

Seven stars. Who woulda guessed?

This was Andy Sidaris' second film, and it follows the formula for all the ones that followed: spectacular scenery, even more spectacular women in various and frequent stages of nudity, good action scenes, goofy humor. The plot is about seven mobsters who get together and decide to take over Hawaii, and the government agent assigned to stop them. It's good to see big William Smith playing a good guy, and he seems to be enjoying himself (there's one scene, apparently unscripted but which Sidaris left in, where Smith is sitting, clothed, in a shower room and a gorgeous naked woman appears out of nowhere, sits down next to him and stares at him; Smith obviously wasn't expecting it and bursts out laughing, then looks offstage and shakes his head, as if to say, "Okay, you got me"). The cast is stocked with veteran character actors--Nick Georgiade, Art Metrano, Reggie Nalder--and everyone seems to be having a good time. So will you. It's a fun movie to watch. Pick it up if you can.