Angels' Brigade

An extended jiggle-fest made watchable only through the gracious lens of "Mystery Science Theatre 3000", "Angels' Bridage" (aka "Angels' Revenge") is a truly embarrassing rip-off of "Charlie's Angels" seemingly written and directed by hormone-crazed 16-year-old boys and starring an overwhelming number of has-been B-movie character actors.

The plot, as much as there is one, involves a quasi-feminist schoolteacher trying to take out a drug ring that pushes to kids. She enlists the aid of six stereotypes...er, I mean characters: a sassy black stunt driver, an Asian martial artist (of course), a disco singer, an oversexed model, a tough cop that loves her weaponry, and a bratty, annoying teenager who happens to be one of the teacher's students.

This movie is filled with things that will either make you laugh, cringe, or simply scratch your head, depending on your tolerance for horrid cinema. There's the Vietnamese character with the Japanese name. The singer whose record is "still climbing" up the charts but is still recognized by every character in the film. The "top model" who does her fashion shoots in a mall parking lot. Jim Backus in thigh-high military boots. A genital-mutilation-as-interrogation scene played for laughs. A squad of bouncy women who paint their nails and wear spiked heels on a commando raid. And don't forget the score, which rips off all sorts of recognizable music, from the theme to "Charlie's Angels" to John Williams' opening music for "Jaws" to Strauss' "Thus Spake Zarathustra" (also known as the music from "2001: A Space Odyssey").

See what Aaron Spelling hath wrought? 1 out of 10.

Even watching this from the relative safety of MST3K, I felt offended at the events being shown. Jack Palance running around in that suit! Alan Hale, never being able to escape the role of The Skipper, and Mr. Howell er, Jim Backus, throwing away whatever dignity he had. Then there's our main characters. A very broad (no pun intended) range of just about every ethnicity, job, stereotype that you could think of. Very bad acting from our leading ladies here. I would like to think that Jack took this role on advice from his agent, who was probably drunk, and then quickly fired him. On a slightly different note, the cinematographer was one Dean Cundey. He has since gone on to bigger and better films such as Apollo 13.

this movie might almost be unwatchable had it not been on MST3K. the movie is soo bad that it's good.

now let's run the numbers with the things wrong:

1) Story: bad, horrible, lack-there-of, lame. take your pick. This movie's story really never takes the time to play itself out, it really consists of one, long flashback told by one of the lead characters, and boy is it a long flashback. Maybe one of the longest in film history! We get a little something about six semi-hot women(well hot for the 70's) who are fed up with drugs being pushed to kids and decide to do something about it. What do they do? They decide they are going to blow up one small drug producing building and that is the end of drugs everywhere. Sadly this movie fails to grasp the concept that there is more then one building to destroy, but they only destroy the one and that's it. as crow says it "So they just destroyed all the drugs in the world?" Which pretty much sums up all their actions in a nutshell.

2) the acting is not so up to par. No one really turns in a decent roll in the movie, except Jack Pallance, and why he was in this movie is a good question. Possible summing it up with another thing that crow says, "Jack's down years". The rest of the characters stumble through their dialogue and try to seem convincing, but it's just not possible with this movie(and I use this term lightly - it's more like a romp through the bowls of bad cinema).

Nothing much else can be said about this bad movie, except that it made for one good episode of MST3K. Probably one of my favorites next to Puma Man, Jack Frost, and a few others.

I would only recommend this movie if you are viewing the mst3k version. You are guaranteed the laugh through the episode.

In a desperate attempt to capitalize on "Charlie's Angels", this movie pits seven (six, really) buxom, bejumpsuited beauties against the evil forces of Peter Lawford, Jack Palance, and some oily guy, all three of whom are pushing drugs on kids (who weren't getting paid for speaking roles). Lawford and Palance were probably down in the wine cellar for most of the filming, but where else can you see Pat Buttram, Alan Hale, jr., Jim Backus AND Arthur Godfrey all drool over the same women in one flick? One of the best MST3Ks.

Let's see. There was the idea that seven women without any sort of training of any kind would bring down a drug kingpin. There was the fact that none of these women ever thought to call in the police. There was the drug kingpin who stored millions of dollars of drugs in a ludicrously unguarded "processing compound."

There was this famous pop star who can apparently get around Los Angeles completely unrecognized. There was a "Vietnamese" character with a Japanese name. There was this high school girl hanging on to the trunk of a Caddy, uncommented upon by other drivers, as it sped through LA.

There were appearances by such actors as Jack Palance, Jim Backus(if you watch MST3K's version, Angel's Revenge, you can actually hear Mike and the bots groan when Backus makes his appearance), Peter Lawford(Tom Servo: "Do you think Peter Lawford even knows where he is?") and Arthur Godfrey. And there were plot holes aplenty and lots more awfulness besides this.

All of this and more make for one of the worst movies ever made by anyone. That anybody thought this was a good idea and that actors of the caliber of Jack Palance agreed to participate is mind-boggling. Watch the MST3K version which is one of their best efforts.