Supertrain

One of the reasons I remember 'Supertrain' was - it was *never* shown on British TV! Actually, this was quite a scandal at the time because the BBC (our public broadcasting channel, funded by a license fee charged to every household with a TV set) paid a huge sum to screen this before it even premiered in the USA. When it completely tanked, the BBC announced they wouldn't show it - after wasting millions in license payers' money.

There is, however, a sequel. About 1985 I was watching Saturday night ITV (the commercial channel) and on came a TV movie about a supertrain. It was a one-off, no series followed, and I think it may have been the pilot episode. I remember Keenan Wynn played the railroad executive who committed his company to building the Supertrain with all its special track, signalling, etc., knowing he was dying and wouldn't have to see it make a profit. It all ended with the villain hanging on to the outside of the train while the driver (a bit of a nutter who thought he was Casey Jones) took the train to maximum speed to shake him loose. I think the villain ended up flying through an observation car window.

It was pretty awful, but an interesting curiosity to see it turn up on a rival channel six years after all the BBC fuss.

Or that's what I'm guessing the pitch for this show was.

Back in the 70's, one of the biggest shows was in fact "The Love Boat" which was a series based on a movie by the same name. Every week a colorful cast of characters on a big cruise ship, nicknamed "The Love Boat" would have some adventures, people would fall in love, there'd be banter with the crew and everything would be wrapped up in an hour's time.

Then in 1976 there was a spoof of disaster movies called "The Big Bus". The story of a giant nuclear powered bus with amenities like a bowling alley, bar / lounge, swimming pool, captain's dining room and a way to not only wash but change the tires without stopping.

Combine the two and you have one of the biggest flops on network TV called "Supertrain". It's the Love Boat on tracks. But the makers of this show seem to have forgotten something, namely the plot. While the Love Boat was a cheese fest , there was still the semblance of a plot there. The characters had motivations and reasons to be there. Whereas on Supertrain, it was the train that was the actual star. Sure you got 70's mainstays like Lyle Waggoner and Steve Lawrence to do guest starring roles but they honestly felt tacked on more than anything else.

It was the most expensive TV show made, during that time at least, and this is what led to NBC losing a ton of cash and almost going bankrupt.

It's a bad show that really should stay dead and buried.

Sure it was the 1970's and good taste took a vacation for a few years, but Supertrain did a decent job in providing escapist fare. As a high school junior, at the time, I looked forward to what else NBC might toss against the great broadcasting wall and pray stuck.

I guess that Fred Silverman decided to think `If we can't beat 'em, join 'em' with this dandy series from '79. Take one part `Love Boat', one part far fetched nuclear train, and add some `B' list stars, and you'll be rollin' in the ratings. Wrong!

NBC seemed to have thought with this show....

Let's WOW them with FX, who cares about things like plot, story, characters, lines that the actors say, and so on.

It didn't work, sure the train looked cool and all, the rest was treated as window dressing or an afterthought, like we're spending all this cash on FX we better make sure it looks good, the rest will fall into place afterwords.

It's like let's dress it up and make it look pretty, that doesn't change the fact it's garbage, what they should of done from the get go is it should of been a COMEDY, there was no way to take the premise seriously, so why not ?

There was so much potential there to treat it as a big joke, kinda like Airplane ! Only on rails.

Of course the show could be redone today for a lot less, just CG all the Train shots, save millions right there, heck I made the Train for a video game called Trainz, I could just shoot in game footage and it'd look just like all the shots I remember from the show, and at 10 / 20,000,000th the cost, after all I bought my PC, Software & stuff, but it didn't cost anywhere near the cash they spent on the FX for the show alone.

Sure you'd still have to make the sets of the insides, but they shouldn't cost an arm & leg if you do it right, just build what you need for the first season, if you are ahead cash wise, build more for the second season, in other words just show very little of the train insides during that first season, if it's a hit & your making cash, instead of loosing it, then you add more sets.

That's how i'd do it anyway & I don't even work for NBC or anyone else in the biz.

Then again the average person is smarter then any TV network Execs ;)

C.T.C.

Correction: George Boone was originally played by Harrison Page, but following a timeline breach somewhere around Episode 2, all characters were retroactively replaced by Ernest Borgnine - including the women, the children, and the train itself.

By the season finale, everyone on Supertrain was Ernest Borgnine. It wasn't explained. It wasn't acknowledged. It just was.

The Borgnine Convergence

In the future, individuality collapses into a unified Borgnine Field, where every citizen has: * The face of a grizzled Navy vet, * The soul of a man who's seen Poseidon Adventure too many times, * And the laugh of someone who definitely eats lunch at 10:45 AM.

It's not reincarnation. It's Borgnification.

"In the beginning, there was one Ernest.

In the end, there will only be Borgnine."

• Book of Ratings, Chapter 13, Supertrain Edition.