Fairy Tales

I regrettably saw this movie back to back with the German film "Grimm's Fairy Tales for Adults" and while both films are obviously "for adults", the former actually managed to capture some of the spirit of the original Grimm's Fairy Tales while this film is your typically smutty, painfully unfunny, and crassly stupid "parody" of the already highly bastardized American versions of the classic fairy tales (with a little Mother Goose thrown in for good measure). For instance, in this movie the Old Woman Who Lives in a Shoe (Brenda Fogerty) is a madam, her shoe naturally is a cathouse, and there is a stereotypical 70's black pimp (Sy Richardson). "Snow White", of course, is getting it on with her seven dwarfs (for all you people out there with dwarf fetishes). "Little Bo Peep" has lost her sheep, and apparently her underwear too. Perhaps worst of all, this movie follows the unfortunate 70's trend of being an annoying musical (i.e. "Alice in Wonderland", "The First Nudie Musical") because, of course, there's a great intersection of musical fans and softcore porn fans.

But let me focus on the positive (what little there is). There is a very early if mostly wasted appearance by a young Linnaea Quigley (who gets naked natch'). Evelyn Guerrero, who had a memorable role in "Cheech and Chong's Nice Dreams", has a cameo role (with full-frontal nudity) as one of the "S and M Dancers". And perhaps most memorable is Tai Bonet as "Schrenednaze" (from "Arabian Nights") doing a naked belly dance (for some reason for Mother Goose's "Old King Cole") while rubbing oil all over herself. You just don't see naked belly dancing everyday. But is any of this worth enduring the rest of this movie? Uh, no. Watch "Grimm's Fairy Tale for Adults" instead

I am a big fan of Scream Queen Linnea Quigley. That's why I thought it would be fun to watch her in her first film ever. Boy was I wrong! Linnea's part is so small that she barely even appears at the end.

The rest of the movie is cheesy beyond belief. There are a few scenes that made me laugh, but nothing very memorable. What's even worse, the cast seems to be the ugliest cast I've ever seen in a movie! Linnea is sexy, but everyone else is disturbingly yucky! If you are going to make such a trashy flick, at least have the decency to hire some cute actors and actresses!

If you are a Linnea fan, then fast forward to the very end. Don't waste your time otherwise!

Well, this is a surprise. A 70s nudie retelling of fairy tales. Not quite, more a very well written and amusing concoction using various fairy tales as props and naked ladies to help the visuals. Only in the 1970s could this have been conceived, let alone so successfully been completed. The atmosphere on set must have been fantastic because everyone looks happy and plays this to the hilt. The costumes are effective (when worn) and the main old Mother Hubbard's shoe/ brothel is a great idea. Some scenes are jaw dropping - what about the stripping of snow white by seven real dwarfs, a delectable and very young looking Linnea Quigley as the virgin all are after and Sy Richardson's pimp is so convincing. Eminent and prolific producer Charles Band has to take the credit and I was particularly surprised by the professional looking orgy sex scenes, which seem to have been added (back?) for this Blu-ray release. Oh and I almost forgot, halfway through, out of a smoking cauldron steps a smoking Martha Reeves for a very effective musical number.

"My Venus lies five inches below my belly-button. But it's better there than in Uranus." I gave this film a 10 not because it's a great movie (it's not) but because it is so unique and weird that everyone really must watch it before they die to truly experience the world.

My friend Jason and I both watched this when we were twelve and fell in love with its absurdity. Now, thirteen years later Jason found it again on Netflix and we decided to bring back old memories. Oh, and it was as strange as we remembered if not stranger.

The story if of a prince who must have children in order to carry on his kingdom. But he can only be aroused by one woman, a princess he has never met and who may or may not exist. So he goes on a musical quest (yes, this is a musical) through fairy land to find her. Along the way, he encounters Little Bo Peep, Jack and Jill, Tommy Tucker, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and others. And they sing, and they're naked.

The songs are great and the excessive nudity is interesting. What is funny is that the nudity is not erotic and at no point does anything sexual ever happen. Yes, seven clothed midgets do lie on top of a naked Snow White, but no flesh touches flesh.

The only attractive woman in the film (besides maybe Jill) is none other than Linnea Quigley, known for her roles in numerous B-movies and fro ma few Cheech and Chong films. Among horror fans, she's best known as the goth chick from "Return of the Living Dead" (which, incidentally, might be one of the greatest zombie movies ever). While her part is very small, this also happens to be one of her first roles. So if you like a young Linnea, you really need to see this. (Although, as I said in the intro, if you really want to live you have to see this anyway.) Recommended beyond your wildest dreams. Just don't let two twelve year old boys watch it or they'll grow up to become addicted to the absurd... or worse yet, horse porn.

Harry Hurwitz, who also worked with Charles Band on porn documentary 'Auditions', creates a fun-filled version of favourite fairy tales. Though for adults the humour and sex is actually all quite innocent and kind of charming which makes this a watchable and entertaining movie. The songs are cleverly written and produced to a very high standard and also sung very well. Songstress Martha Reeves has a small role and performs one song (later in life Reeves claimed she was duped and did not know it was an adult film - to be fair her scene looks innocent and has her surrounded by cast, including the prince, in traditional dress). All of the acting is very good with Sy Richardson as a pimp (Richardson also worked on Band's soft porn version of 'Cinderella' before becoming famous). Angela Aames as Bo Peep is exceptionally pretty and proves what a shame her untimely death was. Co-writer Frank Ray Perilli worked alongside Albert Band for many years and later with Charles as he was starting out. Plot wise there is not much to add about the film, story is slight at best. This is a really credible film and even now among what would eventually become Full Moon Pictures best.