Cruise Into Terror

I was expecting this TV movie to be another whodunit on the sea, but instead it's a bonkers mash-up of Love Boat, The Omen, and the Curse of King Tut's Tomb. Boat captain Hugh O'Brian takes a small assembly of passengers on a cruise to Cozumel, Mexico, only for things to go wrong when they dredge up a small, golden Egyptian sarcophagus from the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico.

It seems that the sarcophagus contains the body of the Antichrist, born on the same day as Jesus nearly 2000 years ago, and left dormant by Egyptian sailors in Caribbean waters. Now the Antichrist is awakening, and all aboard the ship, and perhaps the entire world, are doomed! Featuring Ray Milland as an archaeologist, John Forsythe and Lee Meriwether as a minister and his wife, Frank Converse as a physicist, and Dirk Benedict as the ship's second mate.

The movie is unfortunately not nearly as fun as the description makes it out to be, although there are some good unintentional laughs to be had.

Now this '70s made-for-TV film has a fun little bit of history to it. While at the time bigtime TV-producer Aaron Spelling was executive producer on the massively successful "The Love Boat" series, it seems as if he thought it would be a great idea to produce some made-for-TV movies with the same wonderful boat setting, only this time adding thriller & horror to the mix. One of those movies turned out to be "Cruise Into Terror", about a bunch of people - ranging from average tourists to a doctor/professor/historian - ending up on a cargo ship en voyage towards the coast of Mexico. Oddly enough, Dr. Isiah Bakkun (the historian) is convinced of the existence of a sunken Egyptian pyramid near the coast of Mexico; a pyramid containing a sarcophagus containing... the Son of Satan! No kidding. Bizarre incidents & near-death accidents start happening soon enough, like sudden shark attacks and all technology on board giving up on them. Their fun 2-day voyage seems doomed, for some reason. When the ship eventually ends up floating dead in the water, they suddenly find themselves right above the location of the sunken pyramid. Naturally, both the greediest passengers (there must be a hidden treasure, of course!) as well as Dr. Bakkun consider this the chance of a lifetime. So they dive, bring up the sarcophagus and with it they bring on board a great, ancient evil. This might all sound a bit more exciting than it actually turns out, though. But still, this peculiar TV-movie remains a fun watch. Good old Ray Milland - who plays Dr. Bakkun - is mumbling his articulated lines with some enthusiasm and a young Dirk Benedict - once again playing a ladies' man, while also being the ship's second-in-command - is also amongst the cast, so that adds to the fun. And the sarcophagus - clearly made out of rubber - is one truly malevolent artifact. Or well, maybe not all that menacing-looking, but the thing is pure evil. Fun watch, if nothing else.

"Cruise into Terror" comes with my warmest possible recommendation, but only in the unlikely event that you are deliberately looking for an occult thriller/horror film that is chock-full of utter nonsense! This made-for-television flick, produced by Aaron Spelling, contains so much senseless and imbecilic drivel that it's almost impossible to write a summary; - but here is an attempt anyway! The scenario raises the theory that the Ancient Egyptians discovered Mexico, and that they even laid the foundations for the Mayan culture. I tell you, it requires an experienced actor with a stoic and motionless straight face like Ray Milland to daresay claptrap like that! Furthermore, they want us to believe that the Antichrist (yes, the son of Satan) travels in a midget-sarcophagus from the US to Mexico and that there are pyramid tombs at the bottom of the ocean. Why drag in Satan and his offspring when you're dealing with Ancient Egyptians, by the way? What's wrong with bloodthirsty mummies, vengeful pharaohs or malignant Egyptian deities? So, 12 people are floating around on a ramshackle, retired cruise liner supposedly because the much better boat was overbooked. On board we meet a stereotypical group of travelers, including a reverend struggling with his beliefs (how very "Poseidon Adventure"), an estranged couple, two party girls, nagging women, an obsessive old scientist, a hunky deck officer/technician, a melancholic captain and a disposable black guy. Oh, and there's also a black cat. That's always a good idea to have on board of a cursed voyage! When they stumble upon the sarcophagus, most of the greedy passengers want to sell it to a museum and make money out of it, but the reverend insists to destroy it due to its unholy content. Just another exciting day on board of Aaron Spellings' secondhand Love Boat! The pacing is intolerably slow, and you can certainly tell it's a TV-movie by the complete lack of excitement or bloodshed. Whenever director Bruce Kessler does try to insert a bit of action, he fails miserably. Prime examples are the laughable cabin fire, where people simply stand motionless in between supposedly raging flames and the legendary dumb (to me, at least) shark attack. I know a thing or two about sharks, and this specimen is an average-sized Blue Shark. This species is almost entirely harmless and hardly what you can call menacing. There have been a few cases of Blue Sharks attacking humans, but they barely cause any damage. You also don't need to be an expert to see that the footage was added in separately. What tremendous good performances of the ensemble cast for looking so genuinely terrified at nothing!

This was decent. Approximately ten or twelve people are on a cruise, a varied group, when the sarcophagus is found on board. I don't think they dragged it up from the ocean depths. Tragedy ensues. Among those on board are Forsythe and Lee Meriwether, rather interesting as a minister and his wife. Two women are also on board, one rather carefree, the other a bit bookwormish. The sarcophagus contains the offspring of the devil and breathes at the most inopportune moments. Forsythe reveals that when the son of the devil returns to the Earth, there will be ten to witness it. "But there are eleven of us here now," someone says. Exactly, the ten witnesses, . . . and the guardian of the child. Which one is it? Possessions are subtle, the destruction of the vessel is imminent and the survivors are racing for the lifeboat. Forsythe and Meriwether are a scream here as the ship sinks, and keep an eye out for the cat. Rather a change from usual movie animals. Haven't seen this in a while. Instead of John Forsythe, I thought the reverend was Harold Gould, who played Rhoda Morganstern's father on television's "Rhoda", but I knew Lee Meriwether was the reverend's wife.

Seeing so many future and past TV and movie stars in this movie is a guilty pleasure at it's worst and an enjoyable nostalgic romp at it's best. With such TV icons as John Forsythe, Stella Stevens, Lee Meriwether, Hugh O'Brian adding to an all star cast that includes Ray Milland one would think the story would get lost in all that talent. Ok, it sort of does but let's face it, this is basically a 1/2 season's worth of "Love Boat" guests in a TV movie and not serious film by any stretch of the imagination. Regardless of how seriously one does take this movie it's still fun to see what was supposed to be serious horror turn into another episode of "Satan's Love Boat"! Enjoy!