- Emile Prevert: Why me? You could have Tom, Dick or Harry.
- Emmannuelle Prevert: I don't want Tom or Harry!
- Immigration Officer: What is your purpose of your visit to the United Kingdom?
- Emmannuelle Prevert: To make some friends with ze British.
- Immigration Officer: Is the purpose of your visit business or pleasure?
- Emmannuelle Prevert: Pleasure... definitely.
- [Lyons, the butler, meets the Emmannuelle for the first time. She turns up to surprise her husband at the French Ambassador's Residence in Central London]
- Lyons: Can I help you?
- Emmannuelle Prevert: I am your mistress.
- Lyons: Oh my gawd!
- [Panicked, he slams the door. Pause, to himself:]
- Lyons: I don't have a mistress!
- [Opening the door again:]
- Lyons: I don't have a mistress.
- Emmannuelle Prevert: You have now! To begin with you can tell the Ambassador that his wife is here!
- Emile Prevert: Cheri, Loins...
- Lyons: His excellency meant Lyons, madam. My name is Lyons.
- Emmannuelle Prevert: I prefer Loins.
- Lyons: Likewise, madam.
- Emmannuelle Prevert: Turn over!
- Emile Prevert: No, no! I don't like.
- Emmannuelle Prevert: Emile, I am a woman. I am your wife; you should not have to hide anyway from me.
- Emile Prevert: There's not much to hide!
- Theodore Valentine: Mother, I've met someone who is very dear to me.
- Mrs. Valentine: Was it your Auntie Hilda, dear?
- Theodore Valentine: No, mother, I met this girl, this wonderful girl.
- Mrs. Valentine: Don't be silly, dear, there's no such thing.
- Theodore Valentine: I think I'm in love.
- Mrs. Valentine: Nonsense, you're far too young.
- Theodore Valentine: I'm thirty-four. And a half.
- Mrs. Valentine: You've got your whole life in front of you, you don't want to fritter it away on some slip of a girl!
- Theodore Valentine: She's exquisite, I know you'd like her.
- Mrs. Valentine: I wouldn't count on it, dear.
- Theodore Valentine: I want to marry her.
- Mrs. Valentine: Nonsense, I'd never give you my permission.
- Theodore Valentine: I don't need your permission, mother.
- Mrs. Valentine: You're just like your father! He went off with some slip of a girl and he didn't ask my permission either!
- Emmannuelle Prevert: They are very sexy, these guards.
- Leyland: When they get a butcher's at you, dear, you'll need to be on guard.
- Emmannuelle Prevert: What is the matter with them? They never even looked at me!
- Leyland: Well, they're not allowed to, not on duty. Do you know, you could strip in front of one of them and they wouldn't bat an eyelid.
- Emmannuelle Prevert: We will see about that. Take me to St. James' palace, Leyland.
- Emmannuelle Prevert: Nudity is perfectly natural.
- Emile Prevert: No, no! Even Adam and Eve had a fig leaf.
- Emile Prevert: I was saying, my wife is a better diplomat than I!
- Emmannuelle Prevert: Yes, I have it off with everybody!
- Emile Prevert: Er... she means hit it off, she means she hits it off with everybody!
- The Prime Minister: What were you doing in the far east, my dear?
- Emmannuelle Prevert: Sleeping around mostly.
- Emile Prevert: Er... she means sleeping around in many parts of the world.
- Harry Hernia: I'm determined to go out with a bang!
- Emmannuelle Prevert: That's exactly what I had in mind...
- Leyland: I'm driving you now in a Daimler pervertible. The hood doesn't go down, but the chauffeur does!
- Richmond: [Reading a tabloid newspaper] "... Algolagnia with the Minister of Sport."
- Mrs. Dangle: What's that?
- Richmond: [Richmond flips through a dictionary] Algolagnia... spanking! You should know about that, you old devil.
- Mrs. Dangle: When it used to happen to me I didn't know you were supposed to enjoy it!
- Harold Hump: [to camera, about to be seduced by Emmannuelle on live television] At least it won't hurt the ratings!