Bog

I first discovered this movie back in college in 1985. A bunch of friends and I were into bad movies. Well, BOG buries all the others. Yes, I know that Plan 9 from Outer Space is generally considered to be the worst, but believe me folks, BOG is worse. Here is why. Ed Wood didn't know any better. He really thought he was making good movies. He was using absolutely no- name actors (with the possible exception of Bela Lugosi) and was simply oblivious to how awful his films were.

The folks that made BOG should have known better! My God, this movie is awful. There is no indication that the film makers are trying to make a comedy here, and nearly every frame of the film begs the question of why someone along the way didn't say "Wait a minute folks...we really don't want to continue with this."

The acting is abysmal, the editing is ridiculous. An earlier reviewer mention the "shoddy use of freeze frame." No, this is just bad editing where the editor freezes the scene in preparation for the next edit. The problem here is that the splicing of the scenes was so poorly done that there is a longer than necessary pause before the next edit. Bad, just bad.

BOG also includes the absolute worst double-take in the history of film. When the Dr. (Marshall Thompson) is informed about the creature, he does an absurdly exaggerated head- rotating, eye-blinking double-take, that doesn't even rise to the believability of a Looney Tunes short.

Now having said all that, I can't encourage viewers enough to check out BOG. It has brought me hours of enjoyment and laughs, and of you are a bad film buff like me, BOG is a definite MUST-SEE!

After an explosive beginning, featuring senseless fish slaughter, and the unforgettable theme song "Walk With Me", BOG unfolds.

When two beer-guzzling imbeciles lose their crabby wives to an unknown horror, the sheriff (Aldo Ray), Dr. Wednesday (Marshall Thompson), and Ginny Glenn (Gloria Dehaven) are on the case.

Simultaneously, the two aforementioned fishermen follow the town moron into the wilderness, where the local hag (Dehaven again) tells them the legend of the creature they encountered.

In another neck of the woods, Wednesday romances Ginny, while "Walk Witth Meee" plays once again. Where might one purchase this musical masterpiece? Further deaths occur.

BOG IS A SHOWCASE FOR: #1- Aldo Ray, who rants and emotes in a way that Bill T. Shatner would envy! #2- Hundreds of impossibly huge sideburns on parade! #3- Loads of scintillating, pseudo-scientific gobbledygook! #4- That melodic treasure-beyond-price, "Wwwaaalkk Wittthh Meeee" to work its magic in our very souls! #5- The monster, which is -understandably- barely shown, until the finale, when the ludicrous lobster-man causes laughs aplenty!

EXTRA POINTS FOR: #1- The monster's growl, which is a combination of a rhinoceros, someone farting through a trumpet, and my grandfather snoring! #2- The filmmaker's bold decision to play "Wwwwaaaallllkkk Wwwwiittthhh Mmmeeeeeeeeeeee" over the end credits! Bravo!...

BOG is one of those movies that cannot be described in words. Well, that is, if the words "atrocious" and "stomach-churning" and "mind-boggling" aren't in your vocabulary. The kissing scene, Jenson's ode to "the dummies," the gratuitous laboratory scenes and Adrianna's monologue dealing with the tribulations of the Namin/Wadna/Crat creature are all featured players when it comes to the hilarity of this stinker. I'm afraid, though, that the monster (or man in monster suit) takes the cake, ahem, rice-cake that is. Don't get me wrong, this film is great. It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I love it!

I'm a devotee of bad films ("Manos, the Hands of Fate" is one of my favorites; no, seriously, I really like it!), but "Bog" was just a bit too dumb, even for me. Oh, I don't deny that it had it's moments. But in between those moments was a lot of dead space. I was surprised by the "love scene" between the film's two leads. I think this is, without question, the oldest love scene I've ever witnessed! Now, it's not graphic by any stretch of the imagination, but how often do you see a 50-year-old woman making out with a 60-year-old man? Heck, how often do you see a 50-year-old woman who is supposed to be our eye-candy? I've got to give the movie props for striking a blow for the geriatric community!

Bog is a RIOT! I watched it twice in one week after I figured out what a PERFECT bad movie it is. This movie has everything a bad movie should. In parts it is reminiscent of both Pod People and Giant Spider Invasion. It has crazy hermits that talk like cartoon characters, bumbling outdoorsy city husbands who lose their wives to the mysterious creature and take off after it with whatever firearms they can muster up, a creepy old livin'-in-the-woods-tellin'-fortunes lady, a sheriff who says such wonderful things as "hypodeemic nerdle" instead of hypodermic needle, and... well you get the picture. Perfect MST3K fodder!!!