Train spécial pour SS

"Special Train for Hitler" – although Hitler himself obviously doesn't board the train at any point during the movie – is a pretty stupid and sick spirited late 70's euro-exploitation effort that describes itself best as "Salon Kitty on Wheels". Because she's such a loyal supporter of Hitler's ideals, and because she regularly provides him sexual pleasures for free, Stürmbahnfuhrer Otto Kramer puts cabaret singer Ingrid Schüler in command of a very unique military project. She and several other patriotic females volunteer to railway all throughout The Third Reich on a coal train brothel and offer their bodies to German combatants to keep up their morals and to reward them for their devotion. They don't consider themselves to be prostitutes, however, since they refuse to have sex with low ranked front soldiers. The film follows their sleazy escapades from the rise of The Third Reich all the way to the invasion of American troops. There are numerous problems with "Special Train from Hitler", varying from incredibly inept dialogs to a complete lack of coherence, but the main issue is that the screenplay attempts to tackle far too many story lines. The uncut version lasts 110 minutes and that is WAY too long for a movie of this kind. Director Alain Payet launches new uninteresting sub plots whilst the previous ones are still unfinished and most of them are totally pointless anyway. There's the recurring theme of Ingrid Schüler (somewhat modeled after Dyanne Thorne in "Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS") gradually becoming greedier and madder with power, the continuous rivalry and hostility between the Nazi prostitutes, the confrontation with a bunch of Polish resistance fighters and the women's desertion to the Allies when things go wrong for Germany. There's also an incredibly dumb and wannabe emotional sub plot about the developing romance between a Nazi captain and one of the protestants. The film really tries to make us care for them, but … they're Nazis! Nazi-exploitation movies are hardly ever satisfying viewing material, but nevertheless I've seen quite a number of them. Go figure. "Special Train for Hitler" is not the worst of the bunch ("SS Experiment Camp" and "Red Nights of the Gestapo" are even worse in my opinion), but it definitely qualifies as one of the stupidest. There are numerous little and big things that don't make any sense, like characters changing their personalities multiple times and Russian ambushes appearing and disappearing again, but that's largely because this type of movies always puts the emphasis on sleaze and perversion. The orgies and sex footage is raunchy enough if you like this sort of stuff, with loads of spanking, bondage, rape, S&M and humiliating horseback riding. The film also contains an overlong scene in which an Aryan whore makes love to a German officer's booth. Perfectly normal, of course. Needless to say that, even though I found the DVD of this film in the erotic section of the video store, there's absolutely nothing erotic or even remotely arousing about it. Lead actress Monica Swinn is terribly unattractive, and she has more hair down there than the average gorilla, but the rest of her army of Gestapo wenches is quite beautiful. The prettiest actress in the cast, Sandra Mozarowsky who portrays Greta, apparently committed suicide in the same year this film got released and she was only eighteen years of age. What a shame!

I've bought some good movies repackaged in some bad video boxes. In the 80's and 90's lots of 70's sleaze and horror classics were packaged with new artwork (and sometimes titles.) They now look more dated than the often better original movie artwork ever could. The good news is I've found "The Devil's Nightmare", "Frightmare", "The Blood Splattered Bride", and now this film, in the dollar bin under different names. "Helltrain" is given the title "Captive Women V" and features two big-haired early 90's bondage women on the cover. Yuck.

It's a great looking movie. No one can tell me the sex scene in the coal bin is not well shot. Oh yeah, there is nudity in this film and quite a bit of mistreatment of women. Throw in the Aryan element and you have a movie guaranteed to make some people at least a little uncomfortable. Grab this if you can.

Domination is the name of the game in Love train for the SS (probably called "Hell Train" in your local video store). This unintentionally comic Masterpiece takes place in WW2. The "plot" is about a train of good time girls being sent to the front to service the hardworking German soldiers. Highlights include some of the worst dubbing I've ever seen, (The Speech by the SS officer at the beginning is classic) and some spanking scenes that will delight the S&M enthusiast. Erik Muller steals the movie with his nursery rhyme type spanking of one of the girls, "One and two why dont you, three and four you want some more!?" as his German mistress gleefully watches. However pride comes before a fall as Monica Swinn (Ingrid the German mistress) finds out. When the train is attacked its Revenge...Partisan style. How?? Spankings of course!!! and soon Ingrid is on the recieving end. This all precludes the blockbuster ending as the american GIs come on the scene to save the day and perhaps spank those naughty Germans. If you havent laughed in a while this movie is a must rent!!

Special Train for Hitler AKA Hell Train sees seasoned exploitation star Monica Swinn as Ilsa... sorry, I mean Ingrid... a nightclub singer put in charge of a train full of prostitutes doing their bit for The Fatherland by giving pleasure to officers of The Third Reich.

But as Ilsa... sorry, I mean Ingrid...and her girls wend their way through war-torn Europe aboard their steam-powered brothel-on-wheels, their beloved Fuhrer is slowly losing his bid for world domination. With the Allied forces drawing ever closer, it's the end of the line for Ilsa's... sorry, Ingrid's... love train, and the blonde bitch must use all of her womanly wiles to survive...

Nowhere near as salacious and sleazy as my plot summary suggests, Hell Train is possibly the tamest of all of the Nazisploitation films that I have seen so far.... and I've seen quite a few! The depravity is limited to a lame table-top striptease from Swinn before some leering Nazi top brass, an officer having wine licked from his bare chest by two harlots (the beast!), a couple frolicking on a pile of coal (how filthy!), a top ranking officer riding a prostitute around a carriage like a horse (how inhuman!), and a German whore being repeatedly spanked by angry partisans (it seems that war makes monsters of us all!).

In a genre that exists to shock and offend, such innocuous, lightweight antics are inexcusable; Dyanne Thorne would never have let it happen.

SS Helltrain is just one of those films that require the viewer to be a bit more open minded about his entertainment. You will not find any Oscar winning performances here, and given the subject matter, this one would never receive a nod from any film academy, even if it contained brilliant acting by all involved. What 'Helltrain' does have though, among other things, is a hell of a lot of style. Director James Gartner films his above-average Nazi exploit outing as if he actually had some respect for his own work. Featuring some truly inspired dialogue, that entertains and amuses. The film plays for respectable lengths of time without anyone taking off their clothes. The sets are also quite good here, and the Nazi uniforms have seldom looked better. But the thing that really makes 'Helltrain' stand out from the garbage in this genre, has got to be the collection of truly bizarre, and sometimes hilarious characters. There is the SS Captain, played with an evil edge by Eric Muller, who is into some strange but light S&M play. The scene where he rides the countess around the room like a horse is priceless, and some might even say, sexy! Muller is great in the Nazi role, with his chiseled good looks, his silver hair and frightfully big, black eyebrows! But he is not all fun and games as you see at the films satisfying end. He is actually a man who has pride in his country, and in his blood, rather than most of the others, who only seem interested in wealth, power, and saving their own skins. Like Ingrid, whore to the SS, who when needs to, becomes a whore for the American soldiers at the drop of a hat. And the women mostly are beautiful, and interesting to look at. Compliments to the director, who found some stereotypically 'Aryan' looking girls to play the roles. Several women in particular, possessed those stereotypical bone structures pictured in the propaganda of the time. By far, the most interesting character of all has to be the Countess, a woman of wealth, from an old railway industrialist family, who constantly struggles against the perversion and decadence of all around her. The scene where she finally lets go of her piety by letting herself be ravaged in the filthy coal bin, is priceless. There are even some surprising battle scenes, complete with tank warfare. And the way the American soldiers are portrayed here is truly hilarious as well. What elevates 'Helltrain' above such sleaze as 'Beast In Heat', and 'SS Experiment', is the fact that where those films are often disgusting, and offensive, without any artistic merit, 'Helltrain' is actually erotic, and not so sleazy at all. There is even a bit of old fashioned romance thrown in. The innocent love that the young & beautiful Greta has for the Officer that continually comes to their rescue, is quite endearing. Certainly not for all tastes, this one is recommended for fans of weird cult cinema.