- Policeman: [after being hit in the crotch by a car slowly coming to a standstill] And me only married a month...
- [all the suspects have fallen in the mire together]
- Sir Henry Baskerville: Just as I thought, they're all in it together.
- Dr. Mortimer: Oh, very funny.
- Sherlock Holmes: Do you think I'm gonna waste my time combing the streets of London for some old boot? This is a job for an imbecile.
- Doctor Watson: Quite right, Holmes, let me deal with this.
- Sir Henry Baskerville: I'm really exhausted with all this traveling.
- Dr. Mortimer: Oh? Didn't you enjoy your sea voyage over from Canada?
- Sir Henry Baskerville: Oh no, it was terrible! I happened to be out for a stroll on the deck when a storm came up! Gale winds forced me to hang onto the rail for dear life, until I could hold on no longer!
- Dr. Mortimer: Bad show!
- Sir Henry Baskerville: Suddenly this great wave came crashing over the boat and washed me overboard!
- Dr. Mortimer: Ghastly!
- Sir Henry Baskerville: It was all I could do to keep my head above water! It was horrible! Horrible!
- Dr. Mortimer: Did you manage to drag yourself up on deck?
- Sir Henry Baskerville: Oh no, I just dressed casual.
- Doctor Watson: Where and at what time does the train leave for Baskerville?
- Dr. Mortimer: Tomorrow, 12 o'clock, Victoria.
- Doctor Watson: Oh no, you can call me John.
- Mrs. Ada Holmes: Now then, Shirl.
- Sherlock Holmes: Mother, please don't call me Shirl.
- Mrs. Ada Holmes: I've always called you Shirl and I always will. Oh, you should have seen him when he was a little girl, Iris.
- Sherlock Holmes: I never was a little girl, mother.
- Doctor Watson: [on phone] Holmes, it's Watson here. Listen, it's very urgent you come down immediately on the next train to Baskerviille, twelve noon train.
- [listens]
- Doctor Watson: You'll be in disguise? Well how am I going to recognize you, then? Why can't you wear a pink carnation?
- [first lines]
- Nun: Monsieur le Doctor Watson, what is keeping Monsieur Holmes so long?
- Doctor Watson: Oh, reassurez-vous yourselves sisters, your holy relic will be with you momentarily.
- Nun: But we have been waiting almost one hour!
- Doctor Watson: Mr. Holmes is a very busy man sister. Monsieur Holmes is an, erm, tres occupée sister.
- Nun: But tomorrow is the festival of St Beryl, already thousands of blind cripples are flocking to the chapel hoping to kiss the relic. In the name of all the flocking blind cripples, I beseech you...