- Candy Hope: Wow, Walter, what a neat car!
- Walter Paisley: Yeah, it's a Rolls Canardly.
- Candy Hope: A Rolls Canardly?
- Walter Paisley: Yeah, it rolls down one hill and can 'ardly get up the next.
- Erich Von Leppe: Now Bobbi, this is your big moment. You have the line that sums up the entire inner meaning, the core, the essence of the entire film. Are you ready? All right. Action!
- Bobbi Quackenbush: [naked, holding a machete to a naked man's throat] Now get it up or I'll cut it off!
- Obnoxious Kid: Can I have your autograph?
- Bobbi Quackenbush: Sure, kid. What's your name?
- Obnoxious Kid: David.
- Bobbi Quackenbush: OK, David.
- [signs paper and hands it to the kid]
- Bobbi Quackenbush: There you go.
- Obnoxious Kid: Here's what I think of the Avengers!
- [tears up autograph, kicks Bobbi in the shin, and leaves]
- Bobbi Quackenbush: I could sure dig meeting a better class of people.
- Walter Paisley: You ever do any belly dancing?
- Candy Hope: No.
- Walter Paisley: High-wire work?
- Candy Hope: No.
- Walter Paisley: Can you give a Swedish massage?
- Candy Hope: [disheartened] No.
- Walter Paisley: You're an actress!
- Walter Paisley: Well, you came to the right place, kiddo.
- Candy Hope: Oh, did I?
- Walter Paisley: Yeah. I know what you kids are up against. Can't get a job without being in the union. Can't get in the union without a job. Can't get an agent without experience. Can't get work without an agent! Well, you just got yourself an agent.
- Candy Hope: [brightening] Oh, Mr. Paisley! Really?
- Walter Paisley: [dismissively] Yeah, now let me know soon as you get yourself a job.
- Walter Paisley: [answering phone] Paisley. You got a what? A Mexican donkey act? It tap dances too? Okay, get your ass over here.
- Walter Paisley: [hanging up phone] You're still here!
- Candy Hope: Mr. Paisley, how do I get a job?
- Walter Paisley: How should I know? I'm just an agent.
- Erich Von Leppe: Now, let me tell you about this scene. It's very simple. You get into the Model T, you drive down the road, up the ramp, flip over and crash.
- Candy Hope: Oh, nothing to it.
- Erich Von Leppe: Now the hard part: your motivation. In this scene, your motivation is to ...
- Mary McQueen: [interrupting] -- to stay alive. We buried our last stunt girl on Saturday. Good luck, sweetheart.
- Patrick Hobby: You nervous?
- Candy Hope: I'm very nervous. Hoo!
- Patrick Hobby: You'll do fine. Break a leg! I didn't mean that.