- Mrs Featherstone: I'm not a religious woman, but I find if you say no to everything you can hardly tell the difference.
- Mr. Wilkinson: Next time you feel desperate for an egg, lad, pause, and remember where it's come from. The world's full of nasty places, Granville.
- Mr. Wilkinson: I'll have two dozen ounces of liquorice torpedoes. They'll take your mind away from eggs.
- Arkwright: I want a w-w-word with you.
- Granville: That's three words.
- Arkwright: That girl of Grimshaw's.
- Granville: Big Edna?
- Arkwright: Have you been kn-kn-knocking
- Granville: I have only admired her from a distance.
- Arkwright: Let me finish. Have you been kn-kn-knocking coppers off her weekly order?
- Granville: You do the same for Mrs Featherstone.
- Arkwright: Not without putting them back somewhere else.
- Granville: You won't let me buy firelighters. You say they're too expensive.
- Arkwright: They are in this damn shop. I'm not paying these prices! Get round the Co-op and buy some.
- [pause]
- Arkwright: Go and open a packet.
- Granville: [leaves the room, to return a few seconds later] Not if they're going to count as my birthday present.
- Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: What are your meringues like?
- Arkwright: I'm not telling you till after we're married.
- Mrs Blewitt: So. You're going to Parslow's funeral.
- Arkwright: Yes. Even though it's very unlikely that he'll ever come to mine.
- Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: She has a face like a fit.
- Arkwright: Aye, but what it would fit, I'll never know. It is like her facial muscles don't know the meaning of the word "teamwork".
- Arkwright: D'ya know what you need? A good walloping.
- Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: Oh, yeah and who's gonna give it to me?
- Arkwright: I? I? I am.
- Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: Oh, three of you.
- Granville: [about to put a note in the shop till] Do you reckon they can stitch fingers back on these days?
- Mrs Featherstone: [Granville has just walked into Mrs. Featherstone] Not even my husband used to get that close.
- Arkwright: [to Granville] Dear God! Where did you catch her?
- Granville: Well, there's a great day for discoveries. My mother was the fisherman's friend and I've got a bottom half called Hugo.
- Granville: [about Arkwright] Did you know that the last time he was out all day was back in 1957?
- The Milk Woman: 1957? Where did he go?
- Granville: Have his appendix out.
- Arkwright: You've got the evenings free, haven't you?
- Granville: Yeah, knowing you, they'd HAVE to be free. Anyway, WHAT evenings? We don't close here 'till nine o'clock at night.
- Arkwright: One day, Granville, all this will be y-yours. Lock-lock-lock-lock-lock-lock, stock and barrel. I'm always t-telling you this.
- Granville: Yes I know, every time I ask for a rise.