The Wicked Dreams of Paula Schultz

The idea of using the Hogan's Heroes cast in a cold war farce could have been delicious. The Paula Schultz character, her circumstances, and goals, could have made for a very interesting cold war farce. Bob Crane, stepping out of character, to form a complex blend of con man, sadist, and American patriot, had definite possibilities. Unfortunately, when they put them all together. This is the mess they got. I can hardly believe that George Marshall (!!!) is the credited director on this disjointed, slapsticky, murky mess.

The absolutely one and only reason to watch this cinematic stinkeroo is to see the cast of "Hogan's Heroes" in a Cold War setting rather than World War II. (And that's a dubious enough reason.) Instead of Nazi Germany being run by a bunch of bumbling idiots, in this film, it's East Germany. The taste of the original television series was questionable, and this film only underlines that judgement. Avoid it if you can.

was Ed Wood to direct it.

I saw this on TV when I was about 10 years old and a rabid Hogan's Heroes fan. I was horrified. Yes, even at the tender age of ten I could recognize a terrible film with actors I admired trapped inside it. There's a big difference between playing a not-too-bright character skillfully, and playing a pointless buffoon.

How much of a masochist am I? Enough to re-watch this piece of crud again, 40 years later, when I spotted it online. The ten-year-old me still wanted to cry for my old TV friends, but the 50-year-old me, fortified with copious amounts of cheap wine, managed to appreciate the amusing aspects of Leon Askin's character being Werner Klemperer's flunky instead of the other way around, and to enjoy John Banner's performance… the man never missed; I can't understand why he never won an Emmy. Klemperer in his underwear groping a mostly-naked Elke Sommer was just gross… whose idea was it to give Sommer's character the last name of 'Schultz', providing Klemperer the unenviable challenge of saying lines like "my darling Schultz"? We get it; it's a gimmick film with a gimmick cast, and that's about as subtle as a sledgehammer between the eyes. I'm sorry, Mr. Klemperer; you were better than that.

And Bob Crane was there. Mostly being Bob Crane. Nothing much to report.

I'd love to see the Rifftrax guys get their hands on this one someday.

The subject matter notwithstanding, this picture is a colossal waste of time and film...I cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone decided to actually sign a contract to do this...the ONLY reason to give it anything more than a 1 is because there are enough scenes of Elke to elevate it to a 2...and spoiling the ending wouldn't come into play here...it would be a patriotic duty to tell everyone how it ends...so they can skip watching it...I think it is a tribute to the other members of the "Hogan's Heroes" cast that they didn't either agree to make this piece of trash or weren't asked...in which case they should thank their lucky stars or buy a lottery ticket...and what is really astonishing is that you can actually find this pseudo-feature on the Net...I found a copy on Half.com...so if you're in the market for one of the worst movies in cinematic history...my suggestion is you go trolling there...

I, too, tuned in to see the cast members of "Hogan's Heroes" in different roles, though other than Leon Askin, most of them are playing very similar characters. After a time, one gets used to the novelty casting, and the movie itself begins to show through.

Leading lady Elke Sommer is beautiful and genuinely charming, at least in those scenes where she is allowed to act. (An aside: I wish she had been given more to do during her film career.)

On the whole, however, this movie is very poorly written and directed. Most of the physical humor is silly rather than funny, as well as being badly choreographed. Take at most 15 minutes to appreciate said cast members and then turn to something riveting and intellectual, like a rerun of Gilligan.