A Lovely Way to Die

For some reason this film which used to be shown frequently on TV in the 70s and early 80s has not been available for years until just recently. I saw it in theater and innumerable times on television, but only once again just now.

Kirk Douglas stars in this drama/mystery in which he recycles his tough cop from Detective Story. Unlike his character there whose penchant for violence was thoroughly explored, his cop in this film is just as violent without the issues. After beating some out of town hoods who probably deserved it, Douglas quits the force after complaints of police brutality. Even Dirty Harry Callahan didn't do that. But in terms of violence this film was only a hint of what was to come.

Eli Wallach playing a mush mouth deep south criminal defense attorney who is defending lovers Sylvia Koscina and Kenneth Haigh on a murder charge, they supposedly killed Koscina's husband. One of the things I did remember distinctly from previous viewings was Wallach in his role. Eli really looks like he's enjoying himself here.

As for Kirk his job is to guard Koscina and of course he starts thinking with his male member and getting warm for her form. She maintains she really is innocent and Douglas would like to believe her and pin the whole thing on Haigh. It's his determination to nail the boyfriend that totally skewers his objectivity. Once he gets over thinking like a rival he solves the murder.

This part was no great strain on Kirk Douglas's talents, his character while a tough cop is a pale shadow of what he did in Detective Story. It's a good made for TV movie and probably should have been sent there and not even had a big screen run.

It was run a lot on TV for years.

I always intended to watch this movie just to see Sylva Koscina, the girl from Steve Reeves' HERCULES. But never bothered. When I did watch it I was surprised to see Sharon Farrell and Meg Myles (Satan in High Heels), in bit roles. Talk about a total Boob-Fest. The story was sort of weird and the music was terrible, none of which helped the non-existent story. Other than the three female leads, there wasn't much here to hold my interest.

I've only gotten to see this movie once but it left a pretty vivid impression on me -- a psychedelic era private eye thriller with Kirk Douglas as a cynical detective assigned to protect the sexy defendant in a murder case (sexy Giallo film regular Sylva Koscina) being defended by fast-talking Eli Wallach from being unfairly (or, not) found guilty of murdering her rich old geezer of a husband. At least, I think that's the nature of the plot, my scanty knowledge of the film demonstrated by not even having remembered that Eli Wallach was in it. He's kind of a hard film presence to forget, but since I saw the movie on the tail end of a windowpane fueled Magical Mystery Tour it's not that surprising.

In fact, it's impressive that I recall anything at all, but it was one of those instances where I had nothing better to do in the afternoon after the journey in mention and just happened to catch this on TV while slumming around our on-campus apartment. I would usually look for certain things when selecting entertainment under such circumstances, and the production year of 1968 stuck out, suggesting that there might be subtle suggestions of psychedelia, ala POINT BLANK which at the time was my alltime favorite film. I was correct.

Two moments in the film stuck with me: One during a scene were Mr. Douglas' car is forced off the road by gangster thugs who chase him into the woods, and he administrates a very effective beating onto one of the thugs, which each blow of the fist highlighted by an orchestrated crescendo. The other moment was right after Douglas' character is introduced to Koscina, who simply oozes sex appear and regards him with a sort of "come hither" look from a balcony window. Douglas' reaction is to bite heartily into an apple -- along with another orchestrated flourish -- with a gusto that was the source of a nice belly laugh.

The film has apparently never been released on home video or DVD but I remember it vividly and would love to have the chance to watch it again.

Fans of Kirk Douglas will love this kitschy detective mystery. Douglas is in his early fifties and his best films (Spartacus in 1960 and Seven Days In May in 1964) are behind him. He still has the chops to be believable as a lothario law and order cop in the style of 'Dirty Harry'. (Although 'Dirty Harry' won't be released for another three years.) The problem is Douglas' character doesn't know if he's Matt Helm (Dean Martin) or Lew Harper (Paul Newman). The result is an unoriginal, contrived and disjointed story with little character development. Douglas swaggers through a myopic and distorted Hollywood version of the "Summer of Love" in a desperate attempt to appear relevant, cool and of the times. Kenyan Hopkins generic musical score of jazz idioms doesn't help matters. The bed hopping, free wheeling playboy with the cool car (1968 Ford Mustang) is just sad and dated up against more realistic and dour character studies like Steve McQueen's character in 'Bullitt' released in the same year. Sylva Koscina is enchanting as the supposed femme fatale and Eli Wallach is semi-ridiculous as a "southern" defense attorney. The "mystery" is tricky enough to keep your attention but just barely.

After they bribed Kirk Douglas to appear in this movie, with just enough left over to convince Eli Wallach to abandon his dignity, they must not have had any money left over for such trivialities as original music composition. So they bought the rights to some Bewitched out-takes. Gets worse, though. Douglas goes out on a date with a dish to a nightclub where they dance the Swig or the Swoop or the Boof or something, and then get into a fake car in front of a green screen. And he's already a half-century old. He's not getting 22-year-olds in any universe outside of Hollywood movies. I sure hope this is Kirk Douglas's worst movie b/c I'd hate to find one worse.