- Chance Buckman: Exactly WHAT did you tell her about Madame Loo?
- Greg Parker: Only that she's 80 years old, weighs 300 pounds and is one of your oldest friends.
- Colonel Valdez: My father is finally going to marry my mother! Isn't that great?
- Colonel Valdez: [completely nonplussed] That is very nice.
- Chance Buckman: [referring to the fact that Greg brings a girl to a different fire] What did you use for openers this time, the old headache gag? Why, you poor man, perhaps if I rubbed your neck?
- Greg Parker: True - every word, true. But it works.
- Chance Buckman: Can't say I blame you. A fellow as ugly as you are probably couldn't get to first base without a fire.
- Greg Parker: [after being awakened by a kiss from Tish] What are you doing here?
- Chance Buckman: [being awakened by Greg's question] What's Tish doing here?
- Madelyn Buckman: That was my idea.
- Chance Buckman: Somebody wake me up!
- Chance Buckman: [at the Venezuela fire] Did you get your well capped?
- Greg Parker: Hell no!
- Chance Buckman: Well, we'll finish yours and then come back for this one. After that we'll pay the Army a visit.
- Greg Parker: I'm for paying the Army a visit right now.
- Chance Buckman: Not with the mood I'm in. They hang you for murder down here.