Texas Across the River

This is a great fun movie that was released during the mid sixties wave of western spoofs. It has some jokes which fall a bit flat with 40 years of distance, but all comedy has a very short shelf life. In fact, there are gags in this film that not only stand the test of time, they amaze me at how well written and ahead of there time they seem to be. I love the cavalry orders being unintelligible. I love the Indians not getting anything right. I love Joey Bishop. The writers were very hip to western clichés, and took some brilliant unexpected turns with the script. It may not be a perfect movie, but if you love a good western spoof, then this is a great movie! Uh - ruhr - hur!

Dean Martin, Alain Delon, Joey Bishop, and Rosemary Forsyth star in "Texas Across the River" from 1966. This is a funny movie, full of slapstick, political incorrectness, and funny bits, and it also goes to show you how badly Alain Delon's career in the U.S. was mishandled. He made two westerns while in the U.S. - not exactly geared to females. Don't ask what Hollywood was thinking.

The beautiful debutante Phoebe Ann Naylor (Forsyth) is preparing for her wedding to Don Andrea de Baldasar, El Duce de la Casala (Delon) who awaits her in full regalia, including a sword. I will venture to say that for five years after Delon left the U.S. there was no tan makeup to be found in all of Los Angeles - he was soaked in it, as he was in The Yellow Rolls-Royce.

After a duel, Don Andrea's opponent falls out a window and Don Andrea is charged with murder. He escapes and heads for Texas, where he meets Sam Hollis (Martin) and his sidekick, Kronk (Bishop). Don Andrea rescues an Indian woman, Lonetta, tames cattle, and competes with Sam when Phoebe shows up.

The film, directed by Michael Gordon, was done tongue in cheek. Delon is a riot as a formal Spaniard not at home on the range. It's perfect for Martin and Bishop, as the script fit their style of humor perfectly. It's silly but sometimes you need silly. People who saw this film when it came out have fond memories of it.

I saw this movie at the theatre as a kid and, thanks to regular television airings, multiple times through the years. I practically have the film memorized. And yet, I bust a gut laughing every time I see it to this day. There are so many memorable scenes and lines that will immediately bring a smile to anyone's face who has seen it; "Texas isn't even a state, how big can it be?", "The coward attacked him from the rear", the slapping scenes, the arrow in the rear, Joey Bishop as an Indian, Rosemary Forsyth in a wet blanket, "No Comanche is a friend of mine", that '60s guitar music whenever the Comanches are around, "Only read Kronk", and the oft quoted "ARUHROAR HAR!". Simply put, this film is funny. It's a horrible injustice that this film has not yet received a studio DVD release. I long to see this film again in a wide screen presentation without the awful pan and scan.

You need to park your brains at the door, put your tongue in your cheek and fully engage your funny bone for this film. This spoof is just that a spoof on everything that you find in a typical western and Texan. There is cows, oil, calvary, natives (I seriously doubt if there is a genuine North American native in the cast), good and bad guys and girls (mostly erring toward the good side). Nobody and nothing is spared from the writers' wit. This film is just good fun and a good laugh. I seriously doubt if it would meet any of the more modern standards for tolerance to racial groups and consideration for their feelings but this was the 60's and things were just beginning to change. Watch and enjoy whenever you see it coming. Do expect too much and you'll enjoy it more.

Released in 1966, "Texas Across the River" is a Western parody that takes place in 1845, starting at the Louisiana wedding of debutante Phoebe Ann Naylor (Rosemary Forsyth) to Don Andrea (Alain Delon), a Spanish nobleman. When the wedding is interrupted by Cavalry men (e.g. Stuart Anderson & Peter Graves), Don Andrea flees across the river to Texas, where he hooks up with Sam Hollis (Dean Martin) and his Native pal, Kronk (Joey Bishop), who are delivering weapons to Moccasin Flats. Don Andrea soon saves a Native lass, Lonetta (Tina Aumont), which attracts the attentions of a Comanche war party (Michael Ansara, Linden Chiles, etc.). Meanwhile the cavalry are hot on their trail.

You have to be in the right mode to enjoy "Texas Across the River," as it's full of mid-60's goofy humor (think Gilligan's Island or I Dream of Jeanie in the Old West). I personally chuckled from beginning to end and enjoyed it more than "Support Your Local Sheriff" (1969). It's just a fun movie with a great cast and locations, not to be taken seriously.

Speaking of which, one notable critic lambasted the movie for having Bishop play Hollis' Indian sidekick. I guess he didn't get the joke: The movie's poking fun at all the Westerns that used obvious white folk to play Natives; it's the same thing with Aumont playing the Indian cutie, who looks anything but Native American.

Directed by Michael Gordon, the movie was a fair hit at the box office. It runs 101 minutes and was shot in Alabama Hills, Lone Pine, Universal City & San Diego, California.

GRADE: B