- [Nicole describes the burglar to her Papa]
- Nicole Bonnet: Well, it was pitch dark and there he was. Tall, blue eyes, slim, quite good-looking... in a brutal, mean way, Papa. A terrible man!
- Nicole Bonnet: Your arm is much better.
- Simon Dermott: Oh no no, it hurts, it hurts.
- Nicole Bonnet: It's the other arm.
- Simon Dermott: The infection is spreading.
- Simon Dermott: Why must it be this particular work of art?
- Nicole Bonnet: You don't think I'd steal something that didn't belong to me, do you?
- Simon Dermott: Excuse me, I spoke without thinking.
- Nicole Bonnet: I can't drive a stolen car!
- Simon Dermott: Same principle, four gears forward, one reverse.
- Simon Dermott: We can leave with the others and have a quiet dinner, or we stay. Then we're committed to go through with it. Do you really want it that much?
- Nicole Bonnet: More!
- Simon Dermott: Okay, you're the boss. Just do as I tell you.
- Nicole Bonnet: I didn't want to keep you waiting, so I got engaged to him. Is it alright? Am I on time?
- Simon Dermott: Perfectly. In fact, we have ten more minutes, so if you want to go back and marry him?
- [Evaluating Nicole's cleaning-woman costume]
- Simon Dermott: Yes, that's fine. That does it.
- Nicole Bonnet: Does what?
- Simon Dermott: Well, for one thing, it gives Givenchy a night off.
- Nicole Bonnet: I keep telling you, Papa, when you sell a fake masterpiece, that is a crime!
- Charles Bonnet: But I don't sell them to poor people, only to millionaires.
- Charles Bonnet: Don't you know that in his lifetime Van Gogh only sold one painting? While I, in loving memory of his tragic genius, have already sold two.
- Simon Dermott: Where precisely were you in the early part of the sixteenth century?
- Nicole Bonnet: I don't know but that's not how I was dressed.
- Simon Dermott: There's the bathroom, take off your clothes.
- Nicole Bonnet: Are we planning the same sort of crime?
- Charles Bonnet: This tall, good-looking ruffian with blue eyes, he didn't, er, molest you in any way, did he?
- [Nicole is staring off dreamily]
- Charles Bonnet: Well, did he?
- Nicole Bonnet: Not much.
- Simon Dermott: I want you to take a long look at the trees, the blue sky, and the river, all of which I personally loathe, which is why a juicy stretch in a French prison doesn't bother me at all.
- Nicole Bonnet: Marvelous.
- Simon Dermott: No applause, please. Wait till you see what I do for an encore.
- Nicole Bonnet: For a burglar you're not very brave, are you?
- Simon Dermott: I'm a society burglar. I don't expect people to rush about shooting me!
- Simon Dermott: [about to see Nicole to a taxi] Just one more tiny favour: like an idiot I forgot to wear gloves on the job. I may have left some fingerprints. Be an angel. Before you go to bed, just give the frame of the painting a little wipe with a clean cloth, ok?
- Nicole Bonnet: Certainly. Anything else? You wouldn't like a forged passport or some counterfeit money or...
- Simon Dermott: Oh, no no no.
- Nicole Bonnet: You're mad. Utterly mad. I suppose you want to kiss me goodnight?
- Simon Dermott: Oh, I don't usually, not on the first acquaintance, but you've been such a good sport...
- [he kisses her, she resists at first, than yields]
- Simon Dermott: [to the taxi driver] 38, Rue Parmentier, drive carefully.
- [to Nicole]
- Simon Dermott: Get a good night's sleep.
- Simon Dermott: [about the Cellini Venus] Oh! She's fine. She's wrapped up in one of my old shirts, just as snug as could be. I rocked her to sleep in my arms last night. It's the first time I ever did that with a grandmother.
- Simon Dermott: Our telephones may be tapped, so I'll conduct this entire conversation in Swahili. How are you?
- Charles Bonnet: I doubt very much if Van Gogh himself would have gone through so much trouble.
- Nicole Bonnet: He didn't have to. He was Van Gogh!
- Charles Bonnet: American millionaires must be all quite mad. Perhaps it's something they put in the ink when they print the money.
- Simon Dermott: [being introduced to the museum head] Miss Bonnet and I are old friends. We used to shoot together.
- Nicole Bonnet: [seeing Simon eye the Venus] You wouldn't dare!
- Simon Dermott: Fear not. I'm off duty.
- Simon Dermott: [crazy Senor Paravideo comes as Nicole and Simon are leaving] Who's that?
- Nicole Bonnet: [obviously lying] Papa's cousin... from South America!
- Simon Dermott: You know for someone who started lying recently, you're showing a real flair!
- Nicole Bonnet: Oh thank you!
- [she hugs him]
- Charles Bonnet: What have I done? I've given the world a precious opportunity of studying and viewing the Cellini Venus.
- Nicole Bonnet: Which is not by Cellini!
- Charles Bonnet: Ahh, labels, labels. It's working with the Americans that's given you this obsession with labels and brand names. I wish you'd give up that ridiculous job.
- Nicole Bonnet: All right, where to?
- Simon Dermott: The Ritz.
- Nicole Bonnet: The what?
- Simon Dermott: The Hotel Ritz. It's in the Place Vendôme.
- Nicole Bonnet: I know where it is. You're a very chic burglar.
- Simon Dermott: [nodding his head in a agreement] Mmmhmmm.
- Simon Dermott: [bumping into Nicole at the museum] Good morning! We meet under the most artistic circumstances.
- Simon Dermott: Look, it's early, why don't I show you the real Paris?
- Nicole Bonnet: That's very kind of you, but I live here; I was born in Paris.
- Simon Dermott: Oh, that's right, I forgot. Well why don't you show me the real Paris.
- Simon Dermott: GO!
- [pauses]
- Simon Dermott: And meet me at the museum at five-thirty sharp. And don't ask me why or I'll hit you with a bucket!
- Simon Dermott: [regarding the Venus] It's a fake, isn't it?
- Nicole Bonnet: I...
- Simon Dermott: No long drawn out stories at this time of night. Just simply nod your head yes or no.
- Simon Dermott: There's the bathroom. Take off your clothes.
- Nicole Bonnet: Are we planning the same sort of crime?
- Simon Dermott: You're quite safe. It's dress rehearsal time. That's why we bought all this lovely junk.
- Nicole Bonnet: He locked the door. He's locked us in!
- Simon Dermott: It's challenging, I admit, but doesn't that make it more interesting?
- Nicole Bonnet: Now where are we going?
- Simon Dermott: My apartment.
- Nicole Bonnet: I'd like to remind you, Mr. Dermott, ours is a business relationship.
- Charles Bonnet: Our Cellini Venus is really our own. So, be proud of it. Your own grandfather made it, and your own grandmother posed for it. For months she stood without moving a muscle while your grandfather perpetuated her in marble. That was, naturally, before she started eating those enormous lunches.
- Simon Dermott: Why don't you wait till you get it home and steal it then? No muss, no fuss, just a nice clean inside job? I'd be happy to offer my services.
- Nicole Bonnet: A lovely dinner. Marvelous wine. How did you know how to choose it?
- Davis Leland: I own the vineyard.
- Nicole Bonnet: Well, what fun!
- Davis Leland: It's a subsidiary of Eastern Coal and Coke.
- Nicole Bonnet: Eastern Coal and Coke?
- Davis Leland: That's a subsidiary of Western Wool and Flax.
- Nicole Bonnet: Fascinating. What's your growth factor?
- Davis Leland: Say! You're marvelous. You're wonderful. You know, usually I have trouble talking with girls, but with you, it's as though you were a member of the Board.
- Charles Bonnet: Come along, you'll like Monsieur Grammont. He's impeccably honest and extremely dull.
- Charles Bonnet: Didn't he tell you that he's got the great Toulouse-Lautrec from the Bonnet collection?
- Nicole Bonnet: Your Lautrec or Lautrec's Lautrec?
- Charles Bonnet: Mine, naturally.
- Davis Leland: Made up my mind. Man of action! Snap judgment. I bought a fleet of tankers that way once. One of the best deals I ever made.
- Nicole Bonnet: But I'm not a fleet of tankers and I'm not getting engaged to a man I barely know.
- Davis Leland: Well, you'll get to know me. Look me up in Who's Who, Dun & Bradstreet.
- Nicole Bonnet: If you'll tell me what you're doing and why, I'll buy you a cowboy suit and a set of trains.
- Nicole Bonnet: Is this how you normally work, by the mile?
- Simon Dermott: I'm thinking. Look at my forehead: all wrinkled!