Every Afternoon

Swedish WILDCATS, aka EVERY AFTERNOON, is a British sexploitation movie directed by the notorious erotic film director Joseph W. Sarno in a rare detour to the UK - he spent most of his career making US-based movies. This one's very much a complete waste of time, a surprisingly tame film that focuses on stultifying romantic interludes between waste of time characters.

The action is centred around a brothel presided over by the game for a laugh Diana Dors, who is dressed up in revealing attire and barks orders and does patter throughout the movie. The plot then follows the love lives of various prostitutes who work at the place. There is some nudity which comes from seeing them at work stripping and the like, but for the most of the time we're stuck with long, drawn-out interludes of them falling in love with wooden male actors. There are bit parts for two infamous actors: Alan Lake, Dors's real-life husband, and Swedish starlet Christina Lindberg, of THEY CALL HER ONE EYE infamy.

Swedish Wildcats: 2/10: Have you ever been watching a film and a slow creeping horrific realization comes over you. You know despite the box art and the blurbs you realize this movie isn't what you thought it was. It is something much more dastardly and vile. It's a chick flick.

Swedish Wildcats is a chick flick in all its Harlequin Romance, bad Anime back-story glory. The original title Every Afternoon should have been a clue and the music certainly gives hints but it isn't till the fortieth shot of a fully clothed woman wandering around the parks in sun drenched Copenhagen that the true level of horror sinks in.

The girls are attractive enough and do disrobe from time to time but seem remarkably bored with the whole affair. The men all resemble euro trash surrender monkeys with a couple resembling flaming surrender monkeys if you know what I mean. The wildcat scenes are nothing you haven't seen Rebecca Romijn-Stamos do in the X-men movies.

In fact all the stage productions look more like NEA grant fodder than an actual erotic show. There is no real erotic edge and the plot with a whore pretending to be ballerina finding chaste love with mechanic pretending to be test pilot is right out of every bad Japanese animated series ever (Minus the giant robots of course). This movie needed giant robots, a serial killer, something besides romance and a tour of Copenhagen.

New York Wildcats: 1/10: More of a featurette than a full blown movie NY Wildcats takes the cats motif from Swedish Wildcats and runs with it… into a brick wall.

A showcase for some of the worst line reading this side of public access, NY Wildcats doesn't deliver on the eroticism it promises, While avoiding the mind numbing tedium that Swedish Wildcats is full of.

It brings a level of incompetence to the table rarely scene outside of early Full Moon Pictures releases. Add on a very unattractive cast and you'll find yourself fast forwarding through the sex scenes as well as the plot, never a good sign.

This is one of director Joe Sarno's more tepid films. Ostensibly, it is about two sisters, orphans who both work as prostitutes at the bizarre Copenhagen brothel of their "Aunt Margareta" (Diane Dors) where, among other things, the girls all dress up in skin-tight suits as various wild animals and the clients chase them around with giant butterfly nets. The sisters are renown at the brothel/showclub as the "famous Swedish sisters". The problem is though they really look nothing alike, and their main act seems be posing as topless "executioners" who tie a third, completely naked woman up, so a male "executioner" can whip her. Why you need two "Swedish sisters" to do that is beyond me. And even in the bedroom afterwards only the older sister is very skilled at, uh, pleasing the clients. It would seem to make a lot more sense to have two genuinely talented performers/prostitutes and have them just PRETEND to be sisters, but oh, well.

The "plot" involves the two sisters both meeting men outside the brothel. The older sister meets a shipping clerk while walking in the park. He tells her he's a pilot; she tells him she's a Russian ballerina. Then the man's mean-spirited boss lures him to the brothel where both their lies blow up in their mutual faces. The younger sister meanwhile meets a rich American--entirely offscreen mind you--and then just completely disappears halfway through the movie!

Although the plot obviously isn't one of them, this movie does have a few things going for it. Diana Dors is very good. Unfortunately, her character is not very well-developed--she's too amoral and money-grubbing to be sympathetic, but she never does anything REALLY evil either. (Former glamour queen Dors was also none-too-svelte at the time, so it kind of beggars belief that she's so popular with the clients). The movie also features Swedish sex bomb (hell, Swedish sex NUKE) Christina Lindberg. Regrettably, she has only a very small role though and only one brief nude scene. Finally, (descending entirely into the realm of strange personal fetishes) this movie also features a nude belly-dancing scene. I have lived in Turkey where there is not enough nude dancing, and the US where there is not enough belly dancing--but nowhere in the world is there NEARLY enough nude belly dancing. I don't if you can really take any of this as recommendation, but it's all I got. . .

I can't for the life of me recall why I ordered this film from Netflix. Watching it brought me no clue either. Although it features a past her prime Diana Dors the film has little else to recommend it. It is stultifyingly unsexy and humorless so it has neither erotic nor camp value. The DVD even has interviews with some of the "creative" team who claim that there actually was a script. Little evidence of that in the film. If you are interested in pre-hardcore erotica with some attention to plot and great cinematography I would recommend the films of Radley Metzger. They aren't GREAT films but Metzger has a wonderful camera eye and the scripts are a lot more intelligent and sometimes even interesting.

I only grabbed this one because Christina Lindberg (of THRILLER: A CRUEL PICTURE and SEX AND FURY fame) is in it, and I've got a serious hard-on for that chick. Unfortunately...she's not in it for long, and you only see her tits once, so what you're left with is a boring and un-erotic sleaze film.

Swedish WILDCATS is about a bunch of sluts that work in a brothel. They do some un-sexy dances for their male patrons, and afterwards they do what hookers are best known for. Somewhere in this boring mess is a "love story" between one of the ho's and some guy she met at the park. Throw in a scumbag that the guy from the park works with who has seen the chick at the brothel and wants to ruin their relationship - and there ya have it...

Like another reviewer mentioned - Swedish WILDCATS is pretty much an over-glorified chick-flick with a few tits and asses thrown in for good measure. There are definitely some smokin' chicks in this one, but the sex scenes are dull and un-sexy. The under-use of the ravishing Christina Lindberg is absolutely criminal - and everyone involved in this production should be shot for this unforgivable oversight. Don't bother unless you like dull romance films with a little bit (but not nearly enough) sleaze thrown in...